Dear All,
Some people ask me 'Do you Make Up, your Jokes?' The honest answer is Yes Sometimes but often 'they' are Things that I've Heard- perhaps in a different context. I like 'Mis-understanding' jokes, so here are a few....
A Polish man, who has been in this Country many years, goes to se a Divorce Solicitor. "I'd like a Divorce please" begins the man. "Yes, OK" replies the Solicitor "Just a couple of questions First though. What Grounds do you have?" "About an Acre, and a quarter- I think." replies the man. "No... sorry, what I meant is 'Do You Have A Grudge'?" said the Solicitor. "Oh No... Just a 'Car Port', on the side of the house". The Solicitor Tries Again "Does your Wife 'Beat You Up'?" "Certainly Not! I'm Always 'Up', at least, half an hour before her". By this time, the poor Solicitor, is almost, In Tears!
Mustering his Strength, the Solicitor asks "Why Do you 'want' a Divorce?". "She's trying to KILL me.... and I've 'got' PROOF. She Put a Bottle, in the Bathroom... it Says 'POLISH REMOVER!".
A Scandinavian Man goes into a Pharmacy "I'd like a De'odor'ant pleeze" "Certainly Sir" answers the Helpful assistant "Ball, or Aero-sol?". The man hesitates, for a time, before replying "Nizzer.... I vant eet for under my armpeets!"
Imagine the Scene.... A husband, and wife, are seated at a Kitchen Table, they are surrounded by Baked Beans. The Beans are 'dripping' from the ceiling, the light, the work surfaces and the Table itself. In the 'background' the oven door, can be seen, 'Blown' open. The man is saying "....but it said 'OVEN' Backed Beans!"
I KNOW that I've 'Posted' this before- maybe (probably) some of these others too....
A Little girl runs into her Mother, after her First Day- at Big School. The child is clearly very distressed "Mummy, MUmmy, MUMMY! God 'Made' ME ALL Wrong!" " No He didn't Darl....." "He did, He Did, He DID!" screams the Child. "Whatever 'makes' you think That 'baby'?" askes the, by now, very concerned Mother. "W-well M-m-mummy" begins the sobbing child "I-i-in Class t-to-today, we wer-re t-told th-that we have N-n-noses, f-for Smelling...a-a-and F-f-feet, for r-r-running. B-b-b-ut M-m-mummy I h-have a NOSE th-that 'Runs... a-a-and FEET th-th-at SMELL!"
I have to finish, on this, charmingly Innocent one....
A Mother, is teaching, her child to make Pastry. The Mum gives Clear, child friendly instructions, for the 'Weighing & Mixing', addition of the Egg & Milk along with the use of the Mixer. Finally, the Mother says "The 'Secret' is to Rest it, in the fridge, for a while" "Why is it a 'SECRET' mummy?" asks the child.
Alright one more...
Mother and child are 'doing' Art & Craft', specifically 'Tie Dying'. The Mother explains, the process, to her child, finishing with "..... and then we can Dye". The child looks at his/ her 'Mum', for a time, before saying "But I Don't Want To DIE!"
Maybe some Riddles, next time...yes?
AndrewT
Sadness at seeing the other woman in my Fathers life