I’ve worked on and off at a university for the past couple of years. This morning, I had to stop by campus for an appointment. Classes are online due to the pandemic, so the place was dead.
After my appointment, I took the long way back to my car. It was early enough to still be crisp and cool, but the sun was shining and birds were chirping away. I was taking it all in and loving every second of it.
But then I turned a corner and met this guy.
Now, to clarify- Turkeys are fairly common in my area, so I have been around them pretty regularly for about 14 years. We have always respected each other’s space and there has never been any sort of animosity.
Until today.
I don’t know if I may have breathed too loud or blinked suspiciously, but this bird was not having it. Within seconds, he charged. So my quiet amble turned into a sprint down 2 and a half blocks, with me yelling at him to “Quit being so ruuuuude!!!” and him squawking back what I assume were sheer profanities.
I got away unscathed and was delirious with laughter all the way back to my car. And it made me think...
We are always trying so hard to stay positive. We smile, we give, we comfort. We do everything in our power to keep our inner lights burning bright for ourselves and for others, so that we may enjoy more good days than bad. But some days… some days, you get chased by a turkey.
And that is ok.
So as this tumultuous year comes to a close, I wish you this: May your days be peaceful, rewarding and joyous. But most importantly, may your days be turkey-less. 😂💖
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
292 Replies
•
You should have opened the door of car and took it home 🦃and I will let you guess what happens next😋
• in reply to
🤣 If he chased me for multiple blocks, could you imagine the damage he'd do if he were trapped in a car with me??
I might go vegetarian after this... Maybe that's just what he wants! 😳
🤣🤣🤣 Turkey or goose? Which one is more viscous 🤔
• in reply to
I vote 🦃! But I'm biased lol
Instead of playing Duck, Duck, Goose, kids should start playing Human, Human, TURKEY 😂😂 Way more accurate
• in reply to
Okay girlie good info today, Turkey confronts and Human.....🤨?
• in reply to
Turkey confronts and human runs like the dickens lol
• in reply to
Human doesn’t run. They peekaboo...don’t even know what’s coming 🤣😂😅
• in reply to
😂🤣😂 I don't know why, but the word "peekaboo" just has me cracking up uncontrollably right now
• in reply to
Cuz it hits your funny bone 🤣🤣🤣
• in reply to
Giiiiiiiirl 🤣🤣 I didn't know you were a stand-up comedian?! So young, yet so accomplished 😂👍
• in reply to
Oh thank you, I dabbled a little bit here n there j/k 🤣 Nah it’s all YOU! There’s no funny comedian without a great audience like YOU who loves to laugh 🤗❤️
• in reply to
Well you're in luck because I laugh at everything! You're set for life 😂😂
• in reply to
Greatttttt I was thinking how to make it in Hollywood..... just wanna bust my bubble, don’t you?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️
• in reply to
You got the looks, you got the smarts, you're gonna make it BIG kid!! 🌟✨🌟🤩
• in reply to
U don’t say 🤣🤣😂😂😂 For now I’m just gonna stick with my good old pharmacy job 🤗🙏
• in reply to
I respect that 😊 But if you are ever in the mood for a career change, we got it all sorted out for ya 😂
• in reply to
Yes, when pharmaceutical companies get bankrupt, we shall revisit this subject 🤣😂
They better not get any ideas about eating me! I mean sure, I'm probably about 80% chocolate at this point and therefore delicious, but still.... I will not stand for the indignity of meeting my maker due to "Death by Turkey" 😾
This was their old leader, King Turkey. I don't know where he is now. He was such a kind and benevolent lord. He would have never treated me so fowl-ly 😹 (I am so sorry... )
Thank you, Hiba! 😺 You know, it's funny ... my friends all say I have good humor ... must be all the Chocolate Eclair Ice Cream Bars I ate as a kid 😸 (*gets ready to dodge tomatoes*)
I didn't know you liked Pixie Stix! I used to live on those too... Chocolate, Pixie Stix, Pop Rocks, Fun Dip... What were my parents thinking?? 🙀
"The Song of Good King Turkey"... No crime, no fowl... 😹😹 I can't breathe!! It's like I'm outrunning that savage little beastie all over again- I'm gasping! 😹
Yeah, I left out that staple of my diet because I didn't want you to think I was a complete weirdo. They replaced cotton candy, when I saw I could get them cheaper at Wal-mart. But they were out this week, so I'm Pixie Stix-less 😿
It's like I was destined to have no teeth. 🎃
Just close your eyes. Visualize Norman Rockwell's "Freedom From Want." Aaaannnd breathe.
Plus, it has the bonus of sounding like an Eastern European country: "I have just returned from my stay at a hostel in Belungry. They didn't have any Pixie Stix there either." 😼
Here’s a list of things I don’t like 1. Doughnuts 2. Huge chewy pretzels 3. American pancakes eggs by itself 4 Twinkie's I don’t get how people like them 😱
You have a wise palette. All of those products are unhealthy. I should know because goodness knows I've consumed enough of them in my lifetime. I honestly wake up every day surprised I'm still here. 🙀
When the pandemic is over, I'm totally going to trek through Belungry. It has everything- wilderness, art, food... Belgian chocolate is goblin snot compared the confectionaries of Beluuuungryyyy 😹 And I called them- they are re-stocking the Pixie Sticks as we speak
I STILL can't believe I've been hearing about Caramello bars from you this whole dang time and I'm just now finding out about the Pixie Stix 😹 You are full of surprises
Yes, your voice! You will have to do the narration when the Travel Channel makes an episode about "Breathtaking Belungry." It is the only way to get your hands on those Pixie Sticks. They are your compensation 😹
You get the purple sugar AFTER you narrate, silly 😼 I know better than to pay you up front... You'll take all the sugar and make a run for it. And then I'll have to get Morgan Freeman to narrate it and Belungry doesn't have the money for that! They just came out of a recession... Why do you think there were no Pixie Stix?! 😹
My falsetto? Not possible, I'm afraid...it's kind of like one of those silent whistles that emits an unholy frequency that only dogs and cats can hear...poor things. 🙀
Oh likely story! I feel like you're just saying that to get you Pixie Stix fix while you work 😼 And nice try, but you are not weaseling your way out of this one. No Morgan Freeman. No Morgan Freeman impersonator. The national budget can only accommodate a mrmonk 😹
Ya know... I've never had Circus Peanuts... they just look so unappetizing. Are they good?
Oh no! Your precious elixir! 🙀 I will be more dignified in my replies then...
Ahem. Hello good sir. Mayest you be so kind as to not poopeth concrete into our inferior lavatories? There is only one plumber in this our humble country of Belungry and he has already quit once today because someone filled a bath tub with purple sugar dust and it bunged up our poor third world pipes. Thank you kindly and warmest regards. -Empress Queen Grand Poobah of All Weirdom
You can have a QUARTER of a purple sugar stick up front. The nothing til we get our fancy dancy audio recording of you singing Belungry's praises (in verse of course).
Oh boy tomorrow I am going to post a parody of sincerely me and its about your sugar addiction and how I’m going to try to stop you by making you eat healthy foods But then someone will stop the problem jasmin is 😂And then we both agree 😊 😂
Nice try 😼 I know you're just trying to get to that pure uncut sugary sweetness...
But everyone who visits Belungry are required to get 120% if their daily helping of fiber. We must think about the toilets! And the pipes! And did I mention there is only one plumber in the whole country?? 😹
I agree. If you can't laugh at poop puns, what's even the point? 😹🚽💩
Also, I love how all of this went from a turkey, to forming an entire imaginary country complete with national anthem, to Pixie Stix, to cement smoothies, to toilets and Mr. Cacakotfeci (that's the name of the plumber). It's like the train of thought got derailed, then changed planets, and then became sentient and realized it was made out of balloons all along 😹
When I get back to the private messages, I want to better address what you wrote to me about being brilliant, but seeing how you piloted this quite remarkable flight of fancy, I hope you recognize with whom the true brilliance resides. (Answer: You)
It tickles me to think that one day Mr. Cacakotfeci will one day realize his dream to immigrate to the U.S., move to Manhattan, and ply his trade, working at
🎵Mr. Cacciatore's 🎵
🎵down on Sullivan Street🎵
🎵across from the medical center...🎵
(Sue me, I'm a Long Island boy who loves Billy Joel 😸)
Yay! That was what I was hoping- That I could bring you guys some laughter.
My cheeks hurt because I can't stop laughing. I mean, I'm a human right? I'm supposed to be at the top of the food chain. And there I was, almost getting mowed down by an Angry Bird reject 😂
Yay!! I love bringing all you wonderful folks some laughter. Even if it means being humiliated by an ornery little gobbler 😂🦃
Oh my gosh, you are very brave to be chasing turkeys!!
And yes, Carole just told me about her "brood" 😂 The group that lives at the university where I work used to know me really well and were great around me. But I've been gone for 10 months, so I have no idea who this new meanie is 🦃
If i got chased by a turkey i will use my karate moves 😉 and scream my lungs out and saying I’m being chased by a turkey and that I think that I’m going to be turkey dinner 😂😂
Jasmin, is a lovely young intelligent young lady and understands that I am an innocent man being harassed by turkeys!!! Hopefully you all might be gone after Christmas!!!!😊😊.( only joking love you all 😘😘)
Don't be sorry! I was alternating between being scared and having a great time (because absurd things like being chased by a giant bird crack me up) 😂
Oh I loved reading that, who would have thought something like that could happen. Fortunately for me personally my Christmas dinner will be turkey less as I'm a Vegan 😉
• in reply to
I will be sure to tell my new nemesis 🦃Maybe if he knows that he and his family won't be dinner, it will put him in a better mood 😊
(he's not really my nemesis... he was just trying to protect a couple of his lady friends)
• in reply to
Ah, maybe so😉. Better watch out for him if he has his lady friends with him LOL.
• in reply to
It takes a lot of strength n discipline to be a Vegan, I admire you 🤗❤️
• in reply to
Thank you and I'm going to say it's actually quite easy. There are so many Vegan recipes now and food in the supermarkets that you are constantly eating different food. I make all my own stuff as I have IBS and I cannot eat ready made food so I know exactly what's in mine. Mind you, being a Vegan you aren't tempted by the Christmas chocolate, now maybe that's a good thing😉
• in reply to
Lol thank God I’m not into sweet treats much. I don’t consume red meat or traditional milk/cheese a lot and have been thinking about going Vegan, just not sure if I can do it consistently. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Vegan. I’ll look up your posts and learn what I can make 😆
• in reply to
That's good LOL. Have you thought about joining the Vegan Foods for Life forum on HU? It's a very good forum and were very helpful to me when I became a Vegan. Have a look at the recipes on Veganuary and One Green Planet, there are loads. I'll never go back now and believe it or not I hate the smell of pasties which I used to love.
You'll definitely find a lot of support on the Vegan forum. If you have any questions just fire away.
Very best of luck.
Alicia
• in reply to
Thank you Alicia, love your advice and support🙏❤️ I’ll definitely look into it 🤗 xox
Brilliant, made me chuckle over my first coffee of the day.its pouring with rain here, so loud can hear inside despite double glazing, its cold, and you have cheered me, thank you xSopsx
Well. In and out, my garages are quite a way from my house and chilled food for Christmas is up there. My trusty wellington boots are ready and waiting, and barbout jacket and hat on the hook. Brrrr roll on summer! Sopsx
So funny, it reminds me of a story my Mam used to tell us when we were little. My uncle used to keep geese at the bottom of the garden. Well my grandma was very very house proud and couldn't stand dirt of any kind. One day hanging out her washing she got her eye on the geese and realised they were very dirty, and her answer to this wash to take a bucket of soapy water and a brush. The outcome of which ended up with grandma running for her life. I was told she never tried again. Take care, have a lovely safe Christmas. Mags
I love this story 😂 I'm imagining your grandmother walking towards those geese with her bucket and her sponge and all the authority in the world... only to be chased off 🤣 Thank you for sharing this!
LOL hilarious. Well you got a good workout in Gobble, Gobble. That turkey is lucky he met someone as nice as you. Some of my friends would have had him for dinner, or our next holiday meal. 2, and a half blocks that's crazy, but hilarious. Happy Holidays
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
crazy, but hilarious. Happy Holidays 
The ghosts of Christmases past
Old Ike
Tribal Sleepover