Did I ever tell you and more to make you smile

[MrRigatoni]

Thought share some more insights of my life to brighten up and let every one keep smiling and positive.

Growing up with two parents whose attitudes were all wrong.

Living with the two of them especially my Mothers ways means demeanours and constant denial of doing anything wrong.

Always a problem issue.

So if we ever went any where you name it a mixture of Indiana Jones adventures and One Foot In the Grave comedy sketches to Monty Python to Carry on Films.

Stories incidents included booked first time a holiday after much discussion.

Both parents xenophobic.

Piles of brochures and leaflets. Every country mentioned Germany not going there bombed our hen house during the war.

So it continued asked about Greece. At a party did you go to Greece my Mother was asked by a guest, of course.

Lies all the time, to any one.

Did you have the Shish Kebabs the moment got off the plane she announced to this startled guest.

All guests at one part amazing your Mother been to Monte Carlo.

Wow I replied yes in the 50's not recently. The Plane was so old Glenn Millers Lunch on the back seat. Sat next to the rear gunner.

Powered by elastic bands.

So she decided Jersey Channel islands we arrived airport and we were waiting to take off.

No sign of Mother not an iota, sudden announcement security breach plane flight time will be delayed.

Anger amongst passengers an image appeared in the gang way flustered and lots of red face.

Mother, did not answer not near me thank god.

As we took off a voice heard hers can you pass that please and more a tap on my shoulder.

In my face a stinking Tuna smelly sandwich.

Do not want it as it was then passed back to my Mother howls of despair then it emerged she was the security breach.

Admitted final line when we went to Monte Carlo had to take our sandwiches so thought nothing had changed.

Did not know they had lunch served on the journey.

Utterly amazing still scarred. She later disclosed then the security people found this box huge ones of sandwiches.

Research investigation thought the mayo was contaminated with drugs, recent searches of her and her person.

Understand still resonates.

Holidays a problem all the time.

Once booked a holiday weekend London.

Me and the parents, never been on a coach before.

As continued to fuss have a go and then two ladies I knew arrived. All affectionate and loving to me, get your hands off my son.

Just started on the first meeting on every one arriving either some sort of physical or attire made reference to.

At last arriving at the reception of this hotel my Father speaking to a young girl and the tones heighten.

We not booked in and she can not understand us.

Mother sat near a lady in pain. Renal Colic she said . Do not speak English hey this woman is foreign she could ask for us .

No I she has a kidney complaint... Mean could not make it up.

When had enough went asked spoke perfect English, found our booking . Another name and also three extra rooms.

Mentioned the names had booked the cats, the dogs in.

By error the receptionist said the names . Really thought they were people members of your family.

Because my Mother talks to my Father while booking anything...

Mixed up muddled all the time.

I have one more in a holiday camp food was awful and terrible plus entertainment.

My Father constantly losing way to any chalet or bungalow.

Went to wrong rooms and bungalows security called a few times.

One night really hungry could open this packet of sandwiches and his hand knocked this gent wearing a white pair of trousers.

Spilled hot coffee over him and others.

Also if we did go any where convoy of cars.

One for food and groceries her excuse expensive where we going, yes. Well if not like this come home for our tea .lol..

Understand half hour plus away home.

Another car hoover ironing this happened a lot took ironing on holiday bored you see.

No life interests hobbies.

Cleaning equipment as most places in her eyes dirt unclean yet needed to be clean sterile including brooms, cloths.

Toilet tissues mountains acquired.

Another car for clothes and so many I had small amount she took a trunk three suitcases towels shoes in one.

Need to say had this dog so she had to come every where all the dog stuff. Tins of fog food trays bowls blankets toys and then the dog it self.

More pampered than me got the best of everything.

Including my evening meal your late a note on the table.

Evening meal in the dog and we all gone out.

Had a Curry ordered came me had to sit in the car eating it.

Stinks she quoted my bedroom window flung open while sleeping.

Often sitting in a wind tunnel the front lounge windows wide open heating on Winter.

Hanging on for dear life an arm of the sofa.

Hate this she admitted.

They doing it on the BBC as a sex scene appeared oh it is saucy.

What I added are they cooking lol..

Got told off to see a film thought Free Willy was a porno rang up cinema complained disgusting .

Impossible to explain never listened. Told her story lines . So did cinema staff twisted it around .

Made me a fool said he said that not me.

Always did that reminds me another holiday story going to Spain kept asking me who are these people whom you know.??

What people the Costas how do you know them, no the Spanish word coast . Related mentioned other regions Granada and answers that is a TV region not in Spain.

Aragon that is herb used with Lamb is it not.

By end of the day intervened hurt harmed her son never went on holiday Spain with friends.

Also need to add anything had to all of this in my life secret.

Meeting friends going to places events .

Thank you