HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT ???

[MrRigatoni]

As we all in lockdown considered writing some of the amusing stories I have amassed as a gentleman of many parts and places.

Helps every one uplift humour the best medicine.

I shall begin thought share the time used to run a business.

Used to get calls during the week various members of the public wishing to sell buy .

Several calls included the visits to elderly ladies .

Arrived at this country cottage the hills and dales of Yorkshire. Lady called me had some items to sell.

Rang the door and whole pack of dogs surged towards the door to met by this very smartly dressed petite lady.

Escorted me to the lounge plate of biscuits coffee on the table. Phone rang she disappeared .

Started eating yummy crunchy biscuits the whole plate.

Views from her front room amazing awesome and the coffee lovely.

Suddenly blustered in to the room the lady her face a horror a shock what I have done?

Where all the biscuits she enquired I ate them thank you no not for you but there for the dogs not you.

Laughing a lot oh how do you feel she remarked through tears of laughter just ruff ruff.

One time visited an emotion lady all tears and asked anything I could do.

Please lost my two dogs got the local taxidermist coming. Are you going to have them mounted no love side by side be fine she whimpered.

Or a visit to a block of flats no lift working the heat hot July day tiring, rang the door bell.

Lady answered awful stink house and home heat hit me had the heating on.

Middle of July me sweating had to enter this home small hall space closed locked behind every time.

Had to squeeze in front of her not a lot of space.

As we entered in to this fetid home I enquired meekly live alone. Oh no will be married soon all it takes is the wrong phone number.

My buttocks clenched I suddenly realised in a room with an old sexed Seventy woman trying to steer me in to no mans land her bedroom.

Wandering around the room rather quickly smartly as she uttered your a nice handsome man.

Thought needs to be getting our of here .

That stuff they gave every one one in the forces during the war. To take they mind off sexual feelings and emotions must be wearing off.

As she mentioned was in the war as a sudden reference to some conversation.

Managed to run through my pockets in my jacket.

Mobile phone the old type had then of course new but touched every button as the handset sprang into action.

What is that she asked my phone a call need to go managed to wriggle from her clutches and and to safety to a newsagent shop sweating mad.

The owner OMG he uttered spluttered you been to her had a salesman kept him hostage.

Thank god needed one of my white pills and a lie down after that one.

More to follow.