The Calm Corner

Hi everyone,

Just a quick update for those of you who are new to the PWBI community since I started The Calm Corner and who are interested in learning a simple meditation technique to help with the stresses of the current situation. It's a bit of a lengthy post, but does explain the process to get you started. And for anyone who wants personal direction or advice on meditation, please feel free to send me a private message via 'chat'.

I've been a practitioner of Mindfulness meditation for some years as part of my Buddhist practice, but Mindfulness is for absolutely everyone, and is not exclusive to any faith and doesn't have to have any connection with any faith.

Meditation is a wonderful help when we are anxious. Learning to train your mind to stay more in the present moment can stop it from running on and doing its own thing. And minds will do that, quite happily, without any help from us. They are like chattering monkeys. They will plan, plot, imagine outcomes, and run ahead of us to places we really never wanted to go. We end up thinking of all sorts of unpleasant outcomes which make us worry, but then don’t happen after all. Or conversely convince us we have something really good coming to us, so that we end up disappointed when it doesn’t happen. When we can stay more in the present we have less to worry about and can deal more calmly with the real problems that crop up in life, only as they happen.

So my aim is to help you to learn this really simple technique.

You may have seen pictures of people looking like pretzels, sitting on the floor in unattainable (for most people), on tiny cushions and wearing special clothing to meditate, and possibly imagine it’s all too much trouble and not for you.

If you want to take that route, it's fine, but the truth is, in essence it's simple and needs no equipment whatsoever. Anyone can do it and it will be of benefit to your wellbeing and peace of mind.

All you need is a quiet spot, with a chair in which you can, for preference, sit comfortably upright, but if you can’t manage that, you can even do it in a reclining position.

And what we do is to observe our breathing. There are two ways of doing that. You can either feel the breath as it enters and exits your nose, or for some people it’s easier to feel your chest rising and falling with each breath.

Think of yourself as a ticket collector at a barrier in a railway station. Carefully checking tickets before letting the travellers through the barrier in either direction. You need to be vigilant or fare dodgers will slip through unnoticed.

Just breathe as you always do. Don’t force a rhythm or a length of breath. Just let your body do its breathing as it wants, but observe how it does that, closely. It’s surprising how many differences you'll find between one breath and another, and how there are sometimes little spaces in breathing before the next breath in or out.

Sounds boring? Yes you could say that, but in a way that’s the whole point. It clarifies your mind. If it helps you can count your breaths, when you first begin to learn to meditate, from one to ten, and then start over again.

And aim to begin with about 10 minutes of practice at a time, morning and evening if you can, increasing the time gradually. Try to eventually achieve 15 minutes twice a day, but you'll even improve your peace of mind if you can do just 15 minutes daily.

Do you have to try and empty your mind? No, not at all. That’s actually just about impossible. You are not failing, or doing it wrong if you find your mind has wandered off again like a naughty puppy. It’ll do that over and over. Just bring yourself back to that next breath whenever you find your mind's been off on one of its adventures. Just acknowledge that you are back in the present moment and start over.

If you’d like to try, find any time today that will work for you. But especially good is first thing in the morning, or and/or during the evening. Just try and see how you get on. And keep on trying. Feeling restlessness, boredom, fighting tiredness - all are valid feelings and you shouldn't feel in any way that you are failing. It's all meditation.

The most satisfying and successful meditation happens when we start in the right frame of mind. You can assist yourself in finding that, by adding in two other short meditations, one on Loving-kindness, and the other on Forgiveness. I always start my own meditation sessions with some Loving Kindness, and, after I've done a Mindfulness sitting, I close with a Forgiveness meditation. Whether you choose to do those is entirely up to you. Think of them as optional add-ons.

LOVING KINDNESS MEDITATION

The aim of this is to radiate loving-kindness out into the world, starting with yourself. If you aren't kind to yourself, you can't hope to spread kindness to others.

So begin this way:

May I be filled with Loving-Kindness

May I be well

May I be peaceful and at ease.

May I take care of myself happily.

Now use the same verse to radiate this kindness out to others.

Start with your loved ones, even those who are no longer among us, then move on to friends, each time using the same verse.

After that try sending love and kindness to someone you don't like, or have had conflict with. Or a creature you have an issue with... rats? spiders?

Then wish the same to others across the world.

Then the creatures of the air,

Those who live on the earth, under it and in waterways.

Wish everyone in the world, in all directions, loving-kindness, to the north, south, east and west.

Finally, send loving kindness to all sentient beings throughout the world in every direction. Done regularly this meditation can soften your heart even towards your enemies. You only have to open yourself up to trying. You can name the people to whom you are sending the loving-kindness, as you go.

FORGIVENESS MEDITATION

First, the forgiveness of others: Think to yourself, "May those whom I have hurt today, knowingly or unknowingly, forgive me".

"MAY I BE FORGIVEN".

Next forgiving yourself: Think to yourself, "In all the ways I have hurt myself today, I ask forgiveness and extend it to myself".

"MAY I FORGIVE MYSELF"

Lastly forgiving others: "To those who have harmed or hurt me today, knowingly or unknowingly, I offer my forgiveness".

"TO THE EXTENT THAT I CAN AT THIS TIME, I EXTEND TO YOU MY FORGIVENESS"

(It goes without saying that dreadful harms may never be fully forgiven, but being willing to try to forgive to some extent is for your own benefit rather than the person who has harmed you). And over long periods of time, it's quite surprising how much you can enhance your own wellbeing, by trying to forgive as much as you can, little by little.

So, that's really all there is to it. It's not an easy thing to undertake, but it's a worthwhile thing and regular practice can help so much with the crises we all encounter in life, that can set our minds racing. Learning to stay as balanced as you can when in a tight spot is always beneficial and can help to deflect all sorts of unpleasant thoughts by keeping you in the current moment, which is really the only moment that's really real. If we think about the past, we are only remembering, and if we allow our minds to rush on ahead of us, we are only imagining.

I'm happy to help anyone who comes here to seek some calm and wants to try meditation. You can ask a question here, or share your thoughts on meditation, or, please do feel free to contact me by personal message.

Happy meditating.

UPDATED, Wednesday 22nd April 2020