Need advice

Hi sorry for my english as it is not the language we are speaking most of the time.. I will share first my story...

I am 3 mos postpartum now...on my 3rd day postpartum i feel this most strange feeling i ever had in my whole life,, while lying on the bed staring on my baby i have this intrusive thought to hurt him,my husband is on the way to grocery store and i call him to come back as soon as he can, i was so afraid and very high anxiety all over my body, since then the intrusive thought come go on my mind, i love my baby but i dont feel connected to him, anyway on my 2 mos postpartum my husband accompanied me to a psychiatrist he prescribed 2 antidepressant with vit b complex, the antidepressant makes me feel worst too much sleepy that i cannot even go to work that day and very low mood.its a bad side effect so i decided not to continue the meds,, i can say that im better now but still i dont feel that spark towards my baby, i want to love him more than anyone in this world, i just have that intrusive thoughts sometimes but not as clear as before, please i need help how long will this last?

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  • Hi

    I'm sorry you're struggling with this cruel illness. The symptoms you've described are certainly well known with PNI. Not bonding with baby, having intrusive thoughts.

    I'm glad you're feeling better - it can take time to fully recover so try not to worry if the symptoms seem to come and go as this is very common too. Sometimes the symptoms can return before your period or be triggered by stress , tiredness.

    Regarding the bonding issues , do you have health visitors where you live? Or someone who understands what you're going through and can support you. Maybe counselling could help also ? Would you do try that? Have you seen the psychiatrist again? It's fairly usual to have to try a couple of different antidepressants to find one that works for you.

    Also try doing something with baby that you'd both enjoy? Baby massage is really good as babies like this and the skin to skin contact can help.

    Pls keep talking as you're not alone x

  • Hi,, thank you for the reply, just want to ask if this symptoms i felt in the morning is a part of my ppd recovery or am i having a different postpartum illness? While doing laundry i have this feeling to do something bad for my baby i feel nervous and i am convinsing my self not to do it,, i relax myself and at this moment im still worry why i feel that,,

  • Hello

    Welcome back! Symptoms can come and go - they are just thoughts that can be very distressing . The more you learn to ignore them the less they'll come but that will take practise and time. As soon as a thought enters your head try and distract yourself . You can

    - clap and say 'stop' aloud

    - try to think of something else immediately when a thought pops into your head

    - wear an elastic band on your wrist. Flick it when a thought pops into your head .

    I'm glad things are improving that is the main sign you are recovering x

    ps I've also replied to you on pni.org.uk