I need some help!

[giorgia]

I had my daughter in October 2011. When i had her I did not experience that joy of being a new mother, I was somewhat disappointed that i did not get that feeling of excitement i was anticipating. My daughter was a difficult child at least for an inexperienced mother. I have had some really bad thoughts, some i would rather not mention but have been listed as the symptoms on this website. As i write this blog, I actually feel emotional and vulnerable to the fact that I may be admitting that i am still suffering from PN depression. I though i was fine, but lately its all happening again. I feel like i hate my daughter who is so loving, I almost lost my temper with her and swore at her for not wanting to go to bed, which really broke my heart! I am scared of talking to my husband about it because i don't want him to see me as a danger or a threat to my daughter, and my mother is too busy to have time to listed to me or even take notice of how I am feeling regardless the fact that she had 5 children. I am so alone and scared. I have resorted to exercising which helps a lot but its not enough, I want to get healed and enjoy being a mother to my daughter and appreciate all the affection she is giving me. I don't know where to start from. The fact that i come from a culture where these things are not discussed or considered real, makes it even more difficult.. Please send me some suggestions on how you all manage this state of mind to overtake your days. Despretately looking to move on and enjoy life.

thank you

Giorgia

[LilLegs1]

Hi Giorgia

Im new to this site. But alot of what your feeling is exactly how I feel. Just reading what you put was like I could of wrote it myself. Just wanted to wish you lots of luck with finding a solution that works for you. I have my job as my little get away but constantly guilty. I tjink the first step you have already accomplished by seeking advice. Maybe the next step for both would be a chat with a health visitor or GP

xx

[juppster PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

Hi giorgia

I'm sorry you feel as though you're still suffering. Have you been to see your gp or contacted your health visitor at all? These would be the first steps I would advise you take. Please do try and confide in your husband or mother or even a friend, I am sure they would want to help if they knew how desperate you are feeling.

As for the thoughts, I can tell you they are more common than you think, please do not beat yourself up over having them, they are all part of this illness.

You are more than welcome to come and find us at pni.org.uk where you will find plenty of support and advice x