Still on 15mg

[Doublef]

Well 2024 was a nightmare and grieving for my wife. I cannot get past taking 15g of pred even though I have now been taking Leflumin for a while I don't suppose all the stress has helped. I have now moved in with my daughter.

Happy new year all

[PMRpro Ambassador]

All the best for 2025 - for you and your daughter! Hope it all goes well.

The stress won't have helped - but if leflunomide isn't making a difference, discuss it with your doctors.

[random901]

All the very best for 2025, Doublef!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

Hopefully a better 2025.. and I wouldn’t even be trying to taper in all honesty for a few more months.

[Doublef in reply to DorsetLady]

I feel living with my daughter is not for the long term, I am getting isolated up in my room and feel lonely I have remained on 15 mg pred.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Doublef]

Sorry to hear that, and yes it can be difficult.Hope you feel well enough to get back to managing in your own home again ..

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Doublef]

Have you talked to her about that?

It is also up to you to take the steps of finding local opportunities to meet others - even if she may be able to help identify some. After my husband died I went to bereavement counselling - and much as I didn't want to hear it said, he told me that.

It is hard but the longer you sit in your room on your own, the harder it becomes. I am very happy in my flat with my computer, the forum, reading the papers (a bit), watching my favourite TV programmes (all recorded, no ads and to be watched to replace daytime TV). But I have to do my own shopping, so I have to go out and go to the shops. In good weather there are tables outside the cafe/pizzeria and a glass of something in the sun is a great boost - though I do realise that that is less likely in the UK!!

There is a seniors group every second Wednesday in my village - now everyone who goes recognises me in the street and speaks. Most of them are considerably older than me but it is contact with others that grows, I also go to a aquafit group - there are almost always groups providing exercise for seniors and we need it.

In the next few years I will be moving to live with my daughter - it will be for the long term. She also has only recently moved there so it is a new experience for us both but we both belong to a few local community groups on Facebook so we can see what things there are available.

I don't know if you live in a village or a town - but I will lay odds there are groups within reach that have other men in similar situations to you. Andy's Man's Club is thought of mostly in the context of suicide prevention - loneliness is a great source of mental health problems - and there will be other lonely people there to make contact with. Many churches have similar groups without the primary purpose of suicide prevention if you feel that is a bit heavy for you. One church near my daughter does free coffees, another free breakfasts, community centres offer groups.

If you aren't up to using the internet to find things, your daughter will probably be able to help you. Do you have grandchildren? Is there anything you can do to help your daughter - peeling spuds, getting things ready for the evening meal? Are you handy - has she any little jobs to be done about the house? Does she have a garden? Are you far from your own home?

I know what you are thinking - what is she on about, it is all so difficult for me, she doesn't understand - I thought the same too here, As I say, I like my own company but I also know I need other people. But you need to find a common ground to meet others - go for a walk, put on a smile and say good morning to everyone you meet. Even something that simple makes you feel totally different. Once you become a regular - the contact will come.

[Doublef in reply to PMRpro]

It's more about where we are, the weather, she needs her own space and I hate this time of the year and I'm struggling walking any distances so I rely on other members of the family to take me to appointments or catch a taxi. The grieving fir my wife has improved but early days Thank you

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Doublef]

As some of those of us know, bereavement can be very difficult for a long time [for your daughter as well as you].

I’m sure you both felt that moving in together was the best option at the time, but I found there comes a time when you need to get back into your own home/environment and deal with the way life is going to be from now on.

I’m not saying it’s easy, far from it, it’s very difficult going to places on your own where you both used to go,…whether that be to a favourite cafe or place, or something as mundane as a supermarket. Plus indoors, there are certainly routines that you both used to participate in, that now has a different dynamic.. and simple things like who made the first cuppa of the day, or switched off the lights last thing at night all become different.

As PMRpro has suggested back at home, there will be different groups you can join [if you wish to] - again it takes a certain courage to go to the first meeting, but everyone there will have been through that.. something like Men’s Sheds -

menssheds.org.uk

If I recall you are ex military, so maybe reach out to their organisations.. Vererans Hubs, RBL, your own regimental/service charities.

As you say, it does get easier as time goes by, but there are days when it still hits hard, so you do need help.

Best wishes…

[Angelsmummy]

So sad for all that you have gone through D.I really feel for you and your daughter.Glad that you have moved in with her.,you can both get through this together.I am no expert but no way would I taper with all you are going through.I sincerely wish and hope that 2025 brings you peace and is kinder to you both.xxx💐

[Pinkcrocs]

A very difficult time for you. Sending very best wishes to you and your daughter x🌼

[Nextoneplease]

All the very best to you for 2025 Doublef 🤗

[Alebeau]

Best wishes for you and your daughter. I was like you many years ago and could not pass 10 mg

Leflunomide helped me get to 5.5 but I had severe side affects and had to stop taking it.

I immediately had to go back to 15 mg prednisone and start the reduction process all over again.

Stress was a huge factor for me but now my stress level is much reduced and I am now on 6.5 mg prednisone with no issues.

Best of luck 🤞

[Freya32]

So very sorry for you Doublef.I know how you feel.

My husband died 3 years ago next week.

Time lessens the rawness of it but you carry them with you in your heart.

Talk about her to your daughter. She is grieving too. Share the grief..

Remember all the good things you did together as a family.

Walk in the woods when spring comes. Woods are places of healing ,as is the sea.

Later on perhaps plan a holiday together.

Do not think about reducing preds just yet..all in good time.