I will be retiring on May 1. It sounds like my group wants to have a big do. That worries me for a couple of reasons.
One, there should be lots of handshakes and hugs, so I'm worried about infection. I could wear a mask and ask people not to touch me, but I'm not sure how to do that without sounding weird.
Two, I'm worried how much I can take. I've been reducing to the point now where I'm pretty sure I'm in the adrenal insufficiency zone. I take two naps a day, and really can't predict when they'll hit.
My boss has offered me an out of not having anything. I honestly don't know what to do.
BTW, I've worked from home since Covid hit.
Thanks for any advice.
Written by
winfong
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Well as your boss has queried what you want, perhaps you could opt for something inbetween - a smaller, low key “do “with those you have had most interaction with over the years.
You can legitimately [and without feeling embarrassed about it] use you current state of health as a reason. .. and perhaps throw in, that perhaps in future when you feel healthier you could meet up with some of the others [should you and they wish to].
As you have concerns about the proposed ‘do’ - and you obviously do, then you have to put yourself and your health first … and if you are going to get even a little bit stressed about it, then say ‘thanks, but no thanks’.
I'm wondering if you could have a small gathering and have it outside. I've been so careful about being around others, for both myself and for my husband's health. I wear a N95 respirator when out and about (I don't want to catch any virus, especially Covid which is vascular). I also try to keep stress as low as I possibly can. Like you, just thinking about it would cause me stress! Like DorsetLady said, perhaps letting your boss know that you appreciate all that they want to do to honour you, but that you have to decline at this time.
Yes, it comes in through our respiratory system but then is able to travel throughout our vascular system. I wish our public health officials made this known and that covid, along with other respiratory illnesses, are airborne.
ALL viruses do that, there is nothing new in WHERE they go to in the body. It is what they do there that is significant - and there has been loads in the media about the respiratory and cardiovascular effects of Covid. And why do you think MASKS are recommended? That is to protect against AIRBORNE infection. That has been quite clear almost from the very outset. Masks wouldn't protect against waterborne spread.
Agree. Wherever we are, even in the rare places masks are required, most people are wearing inadequate protection and then saying "masks don't work". I despair sometimes. Even in the doctors' office masks are mandatory, yet nearly everyone, including staff, is in a surgical. Sigh. I like to set a good example in places like that and wear a headband respirator, but if everyone wore an earloop N95 I'd feel okay, and probably more comfortable, doing same for half an hour!
I had about 17 dental appointments, with varying levels of riskiness, over the past year, and my own personal protections kept me safe. Not a single one of my mitigations was mentioned let alone recommended by Public Health in the context of where a patient must be unmasked! It's quite disheartening. They haven't even admitted the disease is airborne (federal department has, but not provincially) and can affect any part of the body. So worried about the children.
You've had the option to opt out so ,You could be cheeky and ask for a gift voucher for a weekend away I steady of them spending money on a bash.
You could have a zoom party and have lots of fun with it.
Everyone is used to zoom events since COVID.
You could come up with some fun but relaxing games to do .
An office party wouldn't be my cup of tea without Adrenal insufficiency, I'd probably give it a miss rather than causing a flare of fatigue or symptoms attending even if it was my own party!
Honesty is the best policy. Tell the group, or their representative, how you are, the difficulties you have, It's possible that they may even be able to come up with a solution. 🍀
This calls to mind own departure. Unfortunately my co-workers waited for a couple of months after I'd officially gone, which with an intervening vacation made it more like four months since I'd been at work, people had all moved on, and in a way so had I, so the space was too big, they invited people, few of whom came, from all over the system (public library with multiple locations) and the worst part was that people really were kind to me and everyone talked to me and I didn't actually get any of the (excellent) food, massive leftovers which at the end were divvied up amongst interested parties leaving to take home to their families and no one thought of making sure I got any. I have a nice picture of the cake though! To do it all over again, I would have insisted it just be our department taking me out for dinner, although this was long pre-pandemic, not really possible now, unless outdoors in good weather. It was not, however, pre-PMR. I was very ill by then, undiagnosed.
they wouldn't want to be responsible for making you ill! let them have a party and you can attend on zoom...the people you really llike you can stay in touch with...but I have always avoided such occasions pre-PMR. You don't sound like you'd really enjoy it in the present situation...remember the party is meant to be for you.
Hello, Winfong. Your post appeared in my Daily Digest-18 hours late 😏- but I would like to add my thoughts.
I do feel for you and understand your concerns. If I were in your position I would write to my boss and gratefully accept the offer of an out explaining that you feel a large gathering and all it entails could be detrimental to your current condition and practically, you wouldn’t want to have to abandon the party prematurely (fatigue issues) after all the hard work put into its planning. You could compose an email or video to be circulated among your co-workers as your ‘leaving speech’. Maybe your boss or a colleague could organise this.
I very much appreciate your dilemma. Due to my compromised immune system (4-1/2 years on pred), we have avoided visits to our daughters and grandkids, for fear of catching something. Well, last month we decided it was time and made a day trip to see our grandsons in a basketball game. Two days after the trip, it started. My wife and I were sick for more than a month and mine degraded into pneumonia. Thankfully, we are on the mend now, but the whole experience has brought our on-going dilemma to new heights! Lessons learned: Short visits with the family, but no large gatherings. Make certain family members are not sick. Practice good hygiene with hand washing. Wear masks when situations seem risky. Avoid prolonged close contact. Bottom Line: we all must weight the risks versus the benefits. I would say the risk of illness outweighs the benefits of a social gathering that is not very important to you.
I would also recommend that when visiting indoors, that you have good airflow and ventilation. If this isn’t possible, I would suggest wearing a N95 respirator. Because so many viruses are airborne, they can linger in the air for hours, similar to cigarette smoke. And often, people may have a virus, such as Covid, and be asymptomatic.
Surely there is a way to creatively find a way to celebrate your departure that aligns with your boundaries, yet still offers a way in which your co-workers can express their well wishes. Outdoors may be an option, or alternatively have your boss collect and deliver cards/gifts to you. Most folks who are aware of your condition and immunocompromised state will understand your concerns and adhere to your wishes. One of the best gifts your workplace can give you is to meet you where you’re at!
I agree with DorsetLady -- let your boss know of your concerns, and that you wouldn't be comfortable with a big do at this point, because of your health status.
I've also been working from home since Covid, although I wasn't hit with PMR until last summer. My social circle is quite small, and I wear a KN95 mask whenever I'm in stores, at my Tai chi classes, etc. I avoid crowds, and do my grocery shopping in the evenings, when the store is less busy. Often, I'm the only one with a mask on in these settings, but I don't care -- I don't want to take the risk of catching anything, and there's been so much going around this season -- colds, flu, Covid, etc. If I'm invited out for dinner with friends, I ask first if anyone is sick, and then explain why I need to know.
I really dread this sort of thing at the best of times. I was lucky in that a couple of other people were leaving so I didn’t feel too much spotlight. We went to a good Italian restaurant and they’d had a whip round. In retrospect I am glad I went. It was a big part of our lives and to mark it is important. It helps with the pangs of “ what am I for “ that can strike later. Nobody much is wearing masks, everyone will tell you how good you look. Endings are important. You can spend the next day in bed feeling free.
Poor winfong! I recently backed out of a work reunion, but was torn both ways. I really wanted to see my ex-colleagues, but didn't feel up to much conversation and eating a meal, plus the risk of infection. In the event, many emailed me with news and gossip, and pictures were sent of the gathering. I made the right decision as I went down with a UTI next day. I like the idea of a present, though. Maybe something for the garden to remind you of your friends. Mine sent me a witch hazel shrub - unusual and much cherished. All the best!
In the end, the decision has to be yours. I was lucky and on long term sick when I medically retired so didn't have to worry. Like DL I think an honest up front conversation with your boss, see if he/she can come with any alternatives and then make decision that suits you.
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