Hello everyone. I am in the middle of the hardest time of my life after the death of my dear brother and then the brutal suicide of my beautiful 18 year old grandson. I am reeling with pain and grief..........
All this in the space of two weeks......
I am down to 3 mgs daily but my hands and wrists are painful and the fingers locked up.
According to a rheumatologist I saw a couple of years ago. I have PMR on top of inflammatory arthritis.
I have just "done" the funeral online for my brother (he was in UK, I am in Tasmania). The body of my grandson has not been found (he jumped from a very high bridge). His memorial service is next Thursday.
Should I up my steroids for a while and by how much?
Is there a balm out there for elemental grief?
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Louisa1840
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Hi, So very sorry to hear this sad news. Many of us have had to deal with bereavement during our illnesses but yours does sound very brutal (as you say).
As you know usual recommendation is to add 5mg to current dose to counteract a flare, but you may not need as much as that -perhaps up to 5 or 6mg -and stay there until at least memorial service is over, and probably longer bearing in mind the circumstances.
Unfortunately there is no magic balm -but if you have issues please do speak to your GP and maybe a bereavement councillor,
All I can say is that I am terribly sorry. I have experienced shocking and untimely losses of my loved ones too. I can't answer your question but send you my long distance love and support.
So sorry - that was all truly horrible. No, I don't think there is a balm for elemental grief and whatever peope try to tell you, time doesn't heal, it possibly brings more rounded edges to the grief and hurt and they come in the most unexpected and possibly undesired places and forms. As DL says, do seek counselling - I was lucky in that it is writ large here (they have specially trained people who even attend accidents with the emergency services) and a cardiologist told me to get on with seeking an appointment. It has been great - although he is ill at present so no sessions and I am really feeling the difference. You may have experienced friends - I do - but the counsellor is detached and you do feel you can say anything, however unacceptable you might think it would be to say the same thing to a non-professional. There will be such things - it may surprise you.
All I can offer is long distance virtual hugs. And an ear using the private chat function if you feel you need it.
It must be so hard for you to bear these losses. I think I know about the grief of death and suicide too. My late husband was the latter from a suicidal depression. My son 15 and daughter 20. A long time ago now, but the ‘missing’ will always be there. Get as much counselling and support you can. I did for about 4 years. It was a life saver. I send all my loving thoughts to you right now. ❤️🌺
What a terrible thing for you to deal with....I have a son and grandson and it upset me reading this thinking of them and you going through this. Time is very new and raw at the moment, but when you are ready, take all the help offered...Post to us on here whenever you need to.....
Dear Louisa, l am sorry to hear this - your heart must be broken especially regarding your grandson 💔I’d be inclined to go to 5mg & see how you get on but l would speak to your GP as the impact of this loss may impact on you more than you realise & the last thing you need is additional pain.
So, so sorry Louisa. What an awful shock to have to bear. Not what your health needs to say the least. I also lost a nephew in June and theres no sense to be made of it all. I did put my pred up a tiny bit as my body was in a bad way and this was a shock which my adrenals werent having any of. Wishing you all best wishes and to find a way of coping. X
So very sorry for you and your family. Have lost people in similar circumstances. Your two dear chaps will leave a hole their shape, and the world will miss them. With my very best wishes.
I am so very sorry for your losses. My thoughts are with you at this time. This is such a lot to happen for you. Take good care of yourself as best that you can. One day at a time?
Much sympathy and warmth to you in bearing these shocking losses. Counselling was not for me, but I know for some it helps a great deal , so worth a try. Grief is like a huge tide and not possible to control, but it does eventually recede a little bit. I hope the affection and sympathy of your many unknown friends on this forum may help to give you some support.
Oh Louisa you must be in so much pain and stunned by shock. So many huge blows in such a short period of time with so many ripples of pain stemming from the massive loss.With all the responsibilities falling on your head you will need to be strong. We all know how inflammation responds to stress and you are beginning to experience the pain of it. What does your doctor think about a supportive dose to get you through all these practicalities that have to be faced? Personally I might try something like the sick day rules initially eg 5 mgs for about 10 days and return to your 3 mgs. Your doctor may think this is too conservative, your Adrenal system is bound to be impacted upon which may lead to more symptoms .
I wish there was a balm for elemental grief. My own experiences of grief and loss lead me to believe that little oasises of comfort come unexpectedly, often in dreams or triggered sweet memories. For the most part it is a painful slog slowly building a life around the hole that loved ones leave that never really goes. My heart goes out to you, sending love and cuddles and a lot of strength. 💙
So very very sorry for all your grief and loss. I can only imagine it and it must be heart wrenching especially being in a different country. I would agree with everyone else to possibly add 5 mg onto your current dose to get through the immediate responses needed. Do seek though the advice of your GP and counselling at the right time can be very helpful and allows you to express thoughts and feelings you haven’t been able to express to friends and family. Do keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Xx💐
My heart goes out to you. Do your best to rest and walk through your grief with your loved ones. Cry when you need to cry and talk when you need to talk. We are hear for you.
Reaching out across Bass Strait to send you deepest condolences Louisa1840. So, so much to bear and harder still when battling PMR. Please take good care of You. xxx
Oh my goodness Louisa1840, my heart aches for you. I cannot add anythin* really to the very wise advice already given, but I wanted to send you my heartfelt condolences and hugs. I hope you have support locally and also remember we are always here for you 🤗xx
Louisa, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope the advice offered helps you, and the warmth of this group wrapping round you brings you some comfort. Warm regards, Linda
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