Why language matters

[Daisyfield]

This, I believe is a relevant post to us all.

I’m aware of the threads in response to Manchilds post. I took it in the spirit I believed it to be given that it was one man asking for similar experiences as I might ask other women about their menopausal experiences. This is fine with me .

However language inflamed this. Firstly the exclusionary note which again I don’t think was intended to come across as exclusionary.

But language used about women matters a lot it affects the treatment we receive. It affects how health professionals listen to us. Subtle insidious sexist remarks are intended to silence women and may well b the reason conditions such as endometriosis have not been researched or women not listened to about pain

Consider this from an early age:

A boy is ‘assertive’ with leadership qualities while a girl is a ‘little miss bossy boots’

A boy clear and forthright in his views while a girl is strident and headstrong.

A man is very concerned about his health while a woman is emotional or hysterical

A wife is a nag while a husband might be described as having good organisational and management skills

All these terms and many more are designed to silence women and put them in their box

Words describing women as demure and ladylike are praising women for Being non threatening

We NEED (men and women) to be mindful of language because language can silence people which leads to loss of confidence to seek health care. It’s pervasive. We all do it. I used to call one of my daughters a drama queen. I don’t any more. She is highly creative and has brilliant ideas.

This is not a battle of the sexes

It is men and women creating equal space for the benefit of all .

[Blearyeyed]

So well put , thanks for the post .

Happy words make Healthy Forums !

[Highlandtiger]

Very well said, Daisyfield. Brilliantly sums it up.

[Yellowbluebell]

The post from manchild although not necessarily politically correct with its title was not the problem last night. The issue was the response from tonCh which was rude amd insulting to women and was against the forums guidelines. As simple as that. No hidden agenda against the men on this forum. People need to remember that this forum is for all of us and as moderators we can not put up with this behaviour.

[SheffieldJane in reply to Yellowbluebell]

I am sorry Yellowbluebell, I thought this issue had been sensibly closed down and the main points made.

[SheffieldJane]

I agree with all of this Daisyfield. It would be great if we could learn something from that unfortunate thread.

Dorset Lady said “ imagine people posting with a smile on their face”. I found that idea helpful with the inadequacies of communicating in this way.

Thanks for posting.

[PMRpro Ambassador]

I don't think it was the original post that was the main problem. I was looking forward to seeing what transpired but when I had time to look it had changed and been stopped.

But I can heartily support your post - all those labels were aimed at me at one time or another!

[scats]

Beautifully put, we must all be aware of the words we choose.

It takes much thought and usually several edits for me to compose a post. I hope I have never offended.

We must remember words are powerful.

[Daisyfield in reply to scats]

I doubt you have, though I put my foot in things at times ...my 3 daughters pull me up on things. Knowing when to say sorry and learn from our mistakes is important x

[Hidden in reply to scats]

We all make errors in good faith. You have never, ever been venomous. 😘

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

I think we also have to remember (and sometimes we don't) that what can be said face to face with genuine sympathy/empathy/humour does not always translate on a forum.

Add in the fact that either the poster or the reader is in a bad place due to their illness or any other reason. and the words, phrases, innuendos sometimes used come out not as necessarily intended or are genuinely misinterpreted.

We don't want to become a sterile place, where people are frightened to speak their mind (and we very often say to newbies "come here for a rant, because we understand"), but a bit of forethought and genuine respect for others is surely achievable for all.

There is too much anger and ill feeling in the world in general, we should all strive to make this forum a better place. Not too much to hope for, is it?

[Yellowbluebell]

I for one have had enough of this whole issue. The comment was made. I dealt with it immediately by saying it wasnt acceptable and that should have been the end but i was forced to stop all replies because it didnt end anything and the offending remark was made out to be a funny issue rather than a breaking of the guidelines. Tonch broke the guidelines as simple as that and it has been dealt with. End of topic you would hope.

Everyone on this forum including the admin team who are also ill have a right to say anything they want as long as it doesnt break guidelines or.deliberately go out to offend even with a jokey face by it.

At no stage has manchilds original.post been questioned over what he was requesting in it and he is free to repost as i told him he could and hopefully all the men out there can come back with constructive comments this time. Time to put this to bed now. YBB