No, short answer, I'm not in my new home yet. Had I had an inkling what an ordeal this would become I would never ever have considered it. Something has gone wrong with nearly everything. And now my son, bless his heart, is showing impatience that we are still in the house with him; don't get me wrong, he's been an absolute angel over this - we've been in the house he now owns two months longer than any of us expected under worst case scenario. But we can't move out until we have water. At least the kitchen counter went in yesterday and because I was on site the sink was installed correctly. But they found the chosen toilet doesn't fit in the shower room, something to do with position of the pipe. Due diligence by the contractor should have caught this problem about six weeks ago when the fixtures arrived. Now I have to find another. I am bitter and stressed because I'm bearing what seems like the entire psychological burden and will have to manage most of the physical burden when it comes to cleaning up after ourselves when we finally leave the house and some cleaning and lots of unpacking and arranging when we are in the new place. I am at the end of my tether.
Renovation update: No, short answer, I'm not in my... - PMRGCAuk
Renovation update
Oh Huron.....how awful. When you embarked on this journey I’ll bet you had no idea all of the snags and resulting delays you would encounter. It must feel overwhelming, and I’m sorry you are bearing the burdens psychologically and physically. I feel your pain!
We renovated our new home a year ago when I was sick with symptoms but not yet diagnosed. Our first contractor was very incompetent and so were his workers (who only showed up around 11am each day, usually only one at a time). They broke our kitchen sink trying to install it, spilled a whole gallon of paint on the new floor, did not vent our gas dryer up to code, and laid our kitchen floor improperly twice. I’ve since had the floor removed, a new subfloor and floor installed at a cost of $4800. which he refuses to pay me, so off to small claims court we go!
Seems as if you need to be on site each day to ensure things are done properly. Even then there can be f#*k ups. The toll it takes on our minds, our bodies and our relationships is unbelievable. You can’t just dismiss it or ignore it because you need a place that’s inhabitable. I will say that these pressures meant a few appointments with my therapist were necessary. My relationship with my new husband was strained as he is more laid back and would not address some of the issues so I became the bad guy.
Good for you for surviving the whole mess this long. Can you get help from anyone with the physical stuff? Do you have someone to vent to? (We are always here with support and encouragement).
I’m so sorry you are having to live through all of this mess, and do hope the renovations get completed sooner than later, and that they are done properly. Hang in there!!
Thanks. The problem with being on site is most of the time no one was doing any work, and we often didn't know when things were happening. I foolishly trusted the contractor to be making sure things were being done right, and asking us if there were questions. But stuff went ahead without us being involved, and we'd come along later and find it was wrong. But even a family member who got us an employee discount for appliances managed to make a mistake and we've ended up with a stove costing nearly twice as much for features we don't need and can't be exchanged even though it has never even been plugged in and still has all its labels stuck on it. And every time I think things can't possibly get worse, but then they do. Now it's not like things are worse, we are beginning to get out of the woods, but there are still so many barriers. It's like a mirage. I keep thinking I'm getting closer to the end but then it recedes.
Don't even get me started about appliances!! We bought 5 new appliances for kitchen/laundry from Sears before the renovations started. They were going out of business so we got a fantastic deal.......so I thought. By the time it came around for the move and renovations, it was run by liquidators and delivery took 3 tries before they arrived and were stored in our garage. When the contractors opened the box of our gas dryer, there was an electric one inside! Correct box, wrong appliance. We had already paid for natural gas lines, so hubby had to call one of the few stores open and drive 2 hours away to get the last gas dryer. Our beautiful fridge was scraped/dented about 8 inches on the side panel (that's where I put up the pictures of the family to cover it).
Sorry to hear of your floor woes on top of everything else. The company that installed the sub floor and new flooring said they had never seen such a poorly installed floor in their 23 year career. He used some sort of compound spread on the highest point (instead of either side of it) making the "hump" where the two floors joined together, worse. He randomly nailed down pieces of wood shim all over the existing floor and then nailed down the engineered hardwood floating floor on top. The result.....a floor that sunk and squeaked. We could not re use the floating floor product because it was nailed and glued down, so all new flooring needed to be purchased (ugggggh).
Sorry for continuing to "vent", your post brings up a lot of memories, and I'm still dealing with it financially and legally a year later. Perhaps I could join you and PMRpro for an all out "vent" session.
I do wish you smooth sailing from here on in, and empathize with all you are facing.
That's awful about your floor. In our case we hired the contractor because a big part of the reno was flooring and he was recommended by the flooring rep. Most of the major problems, the irremediable ones, have involved the floor, one way or another, so that didn't work out.
There’s not much anyone can say about so much incompetence! You poor thing - things have dragged on sooo long for you. It must be upsetting for everyone in your family.
When all is eventually completed you really should try to get help to clear/clean up.
Enough to give you a nervous breakdown.
Hope your luck changes for the better soon.
🍀💐💐
Thanks.
Just sending you a big hug
I cant cope with little things like that anymore at all
Cope with things for others at work but not myself
We have been doing hallway and stairs for over a year now
Bit at a time
Builder is great fits in with me when I'm ready for the next bit
I may have to wait a few weeks for him but that's ok
I wish I could send him in the post to you
BIG HUGS
“little things”!?!
Wrong word
I could not cope with a slate off my roof last month had major meltdown
I do better coping with other peoples problems
Thank you.
In isolation I suppose each thing could be considered "little". It's the cumulative effect which has worn me out. Off the top of my head just now I can count at least fifteen things, some very small and fixable, others, like Scats' wood stove, irremediable.
Sorry that's my brain
I did not mean your problems where little but that I cant cope with little things Anything as major would send me to my bed
before I was diagnosed two thing sent me to my bed with chronic fatigue
Rewire of the house 3 months off work
Bathroom refit and remoulding 1 month off work at the time thay diagnosed CFS
Later PMR
I would be no good at all to you
Different reason for me - but you have my heartfelt sympathy. Virtual hugs winging their way to you xxx
I trust no-one - although I have had some superb workmen in the past. If I were nearby I'd come over and we could have a real tension-relieving rant together...
Awh Heron! Builders/Suppliers 😱 they make you want to tear your hair out at the best of times but when You have to solve it, it’s so maddening!
Hang in there, you’ll get there with or without clumps of hair in your hand & it won’t be yours!.......
I feel for you Heron, you must be exhausted mentally and physically.
I sit here next to a woodburning stove that sticks out into the room instead of being recessed into the chimney brest because I took my eyes off the workmen for a couple of hours. Any form of renovation is such hard work, especially when you get someone else to do it for you!
More hugs from me too.
Oh that is irritating. Akin to my contractor not noticing a brilliant solution for bathroom storage in my unit. Until I mentioned it, having thought of it too late. Why do we hire people if not to be on top of things like this?
With my magic wand, which I’ve currently mislaid, I would have whisked you away for a spa day, while a fierce project manager sorts it all out for you. Sounds horrendous. Why is it all down to you? Can your son help, if only to get you out sooner??
Sounds like our bathroom complete renovation just before Christmas. I copped the stress because hubby is at work all day. I ended up with shingles, I wonder why! Getting them back on Monday to argue that the tap is so close to the sink my husband can’t get his hands under it properly. They say it’s fine. Arguing with them is sooo stressful isn’t it? Got an extension build starting a week on Monday 😱
My deepest sympathies. May the good fairy bestow on you competent and speedy workers.
Well, my master plan is supply dry biscuits and if they do well each day I’ll up the quality working up to individually foil wrapped choccy biccies and perhaps cakes. To be fair, they are a good bunch, it’s the planners that have given us most grief so far; no consistency or common sense.
That's why I did the planning! Originally I did it with IKEA modules as we couldn't afford anything else. Then a completely disastrous experience with a kitchen planning professional - she didn't listen and didn't want to come and see the building site so I should have been warned - sent me back to IKEA. Luckily all I had wasted was time and fuel. UK IKEA weren't perfect either but having got the carcasses I needed my local joiner and I got the kitchen I wanted. I did the same with the next one - learning all the time. The current one is OK but no more - done entirely by a professional, DIY wasn't really an option from 1000 miles away. And I drove here to sort out the plumbers - what a shower!!!!!
I started out by giving them cookies made by my daughter in law who is a professional baker. But within less than a week they were never there, or only sort of randomly and sporadically, so I stopped. As I never know when they will be there, no more (expensive) treats.
Good luck with that - we had one built 15 years ago and everything went smoothly - seems the worlds gone downhill since then - I learnt a lot watching them and the only thing I didn't learn, back then, was the costing, I could have saved lots if I'd project managed it myself which I've done ever since. We'll be moving this year and will be in charge all the way. Recommendations go down well - I give them a little job first and if they're good they get more otherwise......
Experience is what you have when you don't need it any more. In the past we just did smaller things around the house. We never hired a contractor as such. So we were in control, even though we found there were nearly always delays in completion. Because we are now both quite old and this was an immense undertaking we thought it best to hire someone to oversee the work who also had a crew which could undertake many different types of tasks, or could get the right people for each job. It would have been very difficult for us to do that. But the contractor really let us down from that point of view. I don't think he kept an eye on things, he certainly is poor at communicating in a timely fashion.
And I think I would like an apology from the people who did my flooring. A simple sorry would go a long way towards making me feel better. Because no apologies are forthcoming for any of the things which have gone wrong (except the supplier of the kitchen counter who was truly regretful he couldn't get the kind I really wanted) I sort of keep on feeling that all the deficiencies and difficulties have been my fault. My fault because I asked for certain things which "weren't standard" or were "difficult to get".... The contractor even placed most of the blame for the delays on my choices.
You can't blame yourself, some of these contractors are worse than others but all of them have a book of excuses and are hard backed with no remorse - they need a strong hand dealing with them and once they start to come and go as they please they don't change. I would have been there every morning for a 'site meeting' with my list of questions and would expect answers on progress each day from them with no excuses - say what you feel don't be bullied - they would not get paid if they didn't complete their promise. You do need to be strong and it does get to you, having said all of that you shouldn't be having to deal with this on your own and those workmen are taking advantage - afterwards I would certainly give the company a review they wouldn't forget in a hurry. I'm sure your son and husband know what's happening but do they know how stressed you really are? When you have the water on and if you do decide to move in as things are just be sure you're comfortable with everything around you you need before you start the final stages decorating etc. We're all thinking of you and I'm sure it will come together eventually but what a journey, really do feel for you. xxxx
PS This week I'm having my mirrored wardrobe doors replaced because I cracked two of the mirrors when I accidently knocked them together too hard. The cracks were small in each corner where impacted - the guy said he could put a strip across the bottom so I accepted that. The doors are nearly 8' high and were specially made with a bevelled etched design nearly full length so it was important not to cover the etching at the bottom. After a little while he came downstairs to say he needed to get some more materials. I thought I'd go up and have a look and to my horror he'd put a piece of upvc that covered the bottom third of the mirrored door - it looked horrendous and I then realised what he'd gone to get - more pieces to make the rest look the same, not likely, I rang him straight away and asked if he was leaving it like that - he said that the crack 'ran' as soon as he touched the area, bit like a car windscreen they sometimes crack right across the windscreen if you don't get it fixed straight away. I told him I didn't like it and asked him why he didn't show me what had happened and what he was thinking. He said he thought I wouldn't be bothered because he knows we're moving and wouldn't be worried about how it looked! He is now replacing the whole doors. He's done work for us before and is good but how their minds work at times beggars belief.
It's unfortunate you haven't got a good contractor and if nothing else you tell them so. It will work out okay but your health is the most important, work will get done eventually and you need to be able to enjoy it when it happens. Best wishes. x
Can you believe it, they finally installed a toilet and it seems to have been the right model number and all but it doesn't match the picture online and we've paid a few hundred dollars more for a feature we didn't get, "skirted" base. What karma am I working out?
Me too - personal recommendations mostly. I learnt a lot over the years from good workmen and used that knowledge when I had to deal with ones I didn't know so well. Been asked a few times if I had worked in the business!
I don't make out I know it all just show them I do as I did PM in my job. I don't care what they think of me, if they take my work they know where they stand from the start. I don't bully just make sure we understand one another. The guy with the doors is very good at his job but he couldn't work it out to take the original doors with him to ensure the correct sizes were made as they were not standard.
Oh no - me neither - but I asked questions that did need proper answers. And wasn't above going to someone to get the info. I've never had a bad experience with my workmen - I treated them well but expected them to reciprocate. I had lovely builders in Durham - both the "homers" and the guy who did the big extension who was a lovely guy and a darn good builder but a tad disorganised. That was my role!!!!
That's good, the majority of ours have been excellent and come by recommendation. My worst experience was the cost of the extension and I learned quickly after that but they did do a good job, they never missed a day in the 4 months build. I had a chap works for us for over 6 years and he was like a family member but has retired now.
Oh how awful for you,it is such a nightmare when everything seems to go wrong.We had horrible experiences moving last year,trying to get things done floors ect ect.But 10 months on we can sit and laugh about it all,though at the time i could have happily strangled someone.Keep your chin up.Virtual hugs.xx
I would love to move somewhere more interesting than the area l live in,but the thought of having to pack all the things l own into boxes etc.,and cope with PMR,soon makes me realise it is just a dream .l must admit that l have far too many things that l have accumulated over many years,and have been sorting them out to make things easier here,and l have about five dolls houses which l am reluctant to lose, l could not take them all with me .l would also miss my two sons and their families if l move too far from them .l love my garden but it is hard work trying to keep it nice and there could be a time when l shall have to find somewhere with less maintenance .l really feel for you having to cope with all those problems that have occurred with your new home l hope that it will soon be sorted out and that you will be very happy when you do finally move in.
This is dreadful Heron! Your son is well...., not behaving as he should. It seems that the better parents we are the worse they behave. We have made them so entitled - I realise. ☹️
No, no I didn't mean that. He expected us to be out near the end of November - we had hoped even earlier. We are living in a house he would really like to make truly his own and has been very very patient, But I can see his patience is wearing thin, and I am so aware of this, but his father seems oblivious and not chucking stuff out of the basement fast enough - a true Augean stables down there, but nothing much I can, or should, do to help as I've had enough to do packing my own things, plus all the household things, like dishes etc. It's the old man we need to scold, not the young one!
Plus we had really expected to have been able to move in this weekend, but now that's been deferred yet again, as although things are finally getting installed there's still no water hooked up. Once the plumbing is functioning and we have usable bathroom and kitchen we will go camp in our own place instead of squatting in our former house. 
None of this is your fault. What a mixture of difficult emotions you must be feeling. Clearly, I was thinking about my own grown up children. May it pass quickly. Xx
So sorry to hear that your reno troubles continue. We have a friend who works in the reno business, as an employee, and he told us that contractors want to have a lot of jobs going at the same time. They will make promises they know they can’t keep to get you to hire them. Then they show up fairly soon to start the job and they do enough work that it looks like they are making progress......but then they slow way down so they can go juggle their other jobs. It’s their method of keeping lots of customers. They know it makes people mad but having lots of jobs, and therefore a good cash flow, is what is important. I’m not sure how we can stop this from happening.....we are pretty much at their mercy!
So sorry , you are so brave to do this at such a time .
Kick many people for me .
Your son for adding to your stress by not making you still feel welcome.
Your contractor and all the workers for not planning or building quick enough.
And anyone , and everyone who is not giving you enough physical and emotional support at this time.
Even if you were PMR free you should be getting more help than this.
Put down your tools , strike , until all other participants submit to your deserved demands for more help and the chance to rest you fevered brow.
Hugs Bee x
My son has been an absolute angel. We've been living in the house he now owns for two months longer than any of us expected. I'm not complaining about him, far from it. I feel his pain, too, as he also is suffering from the delay.
Kick everybody else then and hug your son , building and moving is the most stressful thing anybody ever does , how you are managing with PMR is unbelievable.
Keep ranting to us on here for regular stress relief , we can't come and get the hammers out but we might be able to keep you sane!!
Hugs and good luck , bee x
Wow problems with builders plumbers etc seem to be world wide, I assumed it was only in the UK that they are so lackadaisical.
Oh my goodness you have my sympathy ,Many ,many years ago we had our house underpinned and extended and when the first builder we had started the work he took and advance payment of £10 thousand because it was such a big job no builder would start without a deposit . He then proceeded to start the work and did more damage than good because he had no idea what he was doing . We researched and him off the approved council list of builders and when we contacted them about his work standards ,Their answer was we do no actually approve the builder we just have a list of builders who have done work for us on grant work .JEEZ !! they were attempting to knock down the whole double width back wall of my house with no supporting props .I chased them off the site ,That was apparantly my biggest mistake . I had no legal rights because I told them to go .Short of watching them collapse my house I don't know what else I could have done Solicitors agreed, they (the builders) would loose any case in court however the swine had no money and all thier property was in his wifes name so I had to let it go . I could not re claim the deposit he took because I had given it to him and then basically sacked him so I had legally broken my non verbal contract for him to do the work .It took me 4 months to find another builder who was willing to take this mans mistakes on . In the end with the money he took and the damage he did we were £16 thousand pounds adrift which in 2001 was a lot of money You will get through this and you will be happy in your home once you get in it ! . I wish you all the best It's a nightmare isn't it .You son is probably sorry for you too ,it's an awkward situation ,Have patience it will all be finished soon I hope and then when the cleaning is done and you are settled down you can invite then round for a housewarming meal and drink ,Put it all behind you and enjoy your new home .
Poor you, what a catalogue of disasters. Hope it all gets resolved soon. Sending hugs, x
You have been through so much Heron and from your previous posts you knew this would be no walk in the park!! You are though nearering the finish line ( or first of the finish lines) so keep going - you’ve managed so well. As you say once this part has been completed you can camp in your new abode and tackle the next stage. As an aside really has your husband no idea of the burden, mentally, physically and emotionally that you have been carrying?
Also as an sside have been through all the renovation/ extensions etc in the past which were mind blowing and I felt each time something happened , yes I’ll have to learn from that. But to be honest often made the same mistake, but packaged in a slightly different way , again. This time we moved in August last year to a house that had been renovated to more or less what we liked. Best wishes Heron. When you’ve finished it will be great, the actual place and the great location- it will be worth it!!
❤️❤️❤️ to you today! I had a wonderful contractor come and repair 3 ceilings. He was quick and respectful but I found it to be very stressful having someone in the house. Hope you find pleasure in it when it's all done, know it's hard for you.
A little retail therapy today. Have just ordered on line a big Ikea shelving unit with cool inserts which will serve as a room divider and massive storage for books and art supplies, etc., giving me a decent spare room and a cramped office space, but how much space do you need when sitting at a computer?
What a horror show for you Heron. There will be an end to this nightmare and I hope it's the dream home you planned. For now I wish you prompt and proper plumbing! You'll feel much better being on site I'm sure.
Your son is truly amazing. I have one of those too, and he comes with a great daughter-in-law. They contracted to have their walkout basement converted into a lovely one bedroom apartment for hubby and I. It will now be our Canada home in the summer and fall. The work was completed this past summer over a period of eight weeks. After a great deal of research our son found a contractor with glowing recommendations which proved to be accurate. There were a few problems, but they were only minor and dealt with quickly.
Renovations are an entirely different matter I know.
Many hugs and best wishes.
Oh Heron. How very disappointing for you.So close, yet so far. I really hope all will be well and VERY SOON. x
Oh Heron it's still going on!....... I don't trust anyone's word. The workmen need a kick up the backside and you being off site seems they've taken advantage to suit themselves. I would be there everyday and would call a site meeting each morning on progress or else - enough is enough - at least it should make you feel better - you shouldn't have to be worrying on your own - sorry the men in the family should be more proactive - I have sons but when push comes to shove they do come up trumps - they're all the same particularly when we've always been in control but you have your health to think about. Think your son will be okay with waiting just a little while longer. Keep us updated and shouldn't be long now.......
Well I did get hubby up early and make him phone the contractor. He (husband) also plans to be sleeping in the unit tonight. Shall I go with him? I don't know. He doesn't get off work until 11:00 pm. and will need a meal then, and we aren't set up for food yet. I woke up this morning feeling there was a knot in my stomach. I feel like I'm constantly on high alert, and yet so much is being missed because I don't know what I'm doing and the contractor apparently doesn't care, or if he does he makes assumptions he shouldn't.
I hate the stress and confrontation personally. But I don't enjoy being taken advantage of either. Stress on every hand. Hope things get better for you soon.
Just reminded on another post about The Spoons Theory! Yesterday I went to the condo by myself and moved boxes of books which had been put out of the way into the bedroom into the space where eventually they will be shelved. Deleted over 40 messages on the phone. When my son arrived we spent a few more minutes moving bedroom furniture into place. Place starting to look more livable. But when I arrived before I could start the project I had to move out of the way a (very heavy) pedestal for a bathroom basin a large, broken and now replaced ceiling fanlight, both abandoned where they were by the workers. Why are they so oblivious?
Well on the plus side I don't believe we are being taken advantage of, other than the fact that our project has not been any kind of priority for them. The main issue really has been a lack of communication. Believe it or not I am a very shy person and hate talking on the phone. The couple of times I've done it during this ordeal I've started to cry so I make hubby do it. But he's as likely as the contractor or workers to get the wrong end of the stick. He didn't even notice when they installed the wrong colour flooring in the bathrooms. 🙄 Yellow instead of blue.
It's up to you but I would go if only to try to untie that knot! You'll feel better regardless the outcome. I would take a sandwich and a flask of soup for hubby plus a toaster for breakfast - don't forget the kettle etc. If you're there you can stick up for yourself if they try to play he said she said games with your husband....just believe in what you're saying and have your say - remember they're used to all of this and won't blink an eyelid..... rooting for you. x
I'm reluctant mostly because we wouldn't be there until after midnight. I'm usually off in dreamland by then. We'd have to sleep on a futon in a room full of boxes of books. Husband only wants to sleep there because our insurance is due to go down tomorrow if we've moved in. Currently paying for vacant space, higher rate. Not because of any burning desire to sleep in a construction site. We haven't even plugged in the fridge yet.
Oh you make is sound so easy. Not even the sofa is unburied yet. Nowhere to be comfortable. Dishes all packed and I have no idea where the boxes are. Everything still covered in construction dust, including the new counter. The counter was another disappointment, by the way. The surface I wanted could not be got (distributor problems) so we went with another, after a floor with a lot of personality had been installed so choices now more limited. I expected it to look like marble but it looks like slightly grubby yellowish concrete. Still, we'll clutter it up quickly enough. And it was a job that went well with, as far as I know so far, no installation cock ups.
I also know it's not easy. All that dust though - builders dust is the worst, it affects my eyes badly and you have to be in the mood to tackle it - but you are getting a builders clean when they've finished - aren't you? I'm sure it will look lovely when you put your touch to it. Let us know how you get on. Was the toilet the correct one ordered? Love your floor having lots of personality - at least it will hide the dirt and clean up nicely when your ready.
The toilet installed, and the one that didn't fit, have the right model numbers. But apparently I sent a link to the US site for the store, not the Canadian one, and certainly ours matches the picture on the Canadian site. So my fault for sending contractor link to wrong site. But he should have double checked with me I think, after all I'm not the expert here. Because it's a "special order" even the not installed one isn't eligible to be returned, although they did agree to take it back, for a 25% restocking fee (over $400), thereby nearly wiping out the savings from the replacement being considerably cheaper.
I don't know how good a builder's clean can be when our possessions have been piled up in there for over two months already and we've started unpacking and arranging the furniture, vacuuming the floor as well as we can as we go. But I don't want to touch the bathroom or the kitchen until they've done their best.
Sorry Heron - more replies than enough from me - not intended......had to stop part way through and then started another.....
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