Laughing is a must when reading this book. I am in my new apartment since Oct 16th. I am not sure if I was to write out the whole story I would run out of ink so I will highlight.
My contract had a list of my stuff and it was lacking. So I called and said Joseph you didn’t put everything on the list. No problem I will get you the manager. She said ok let’s get everything on the list. It bumped up the price another $500. It started at $1500. So I ask will it go up anymore. No she says unless you throw in a motorcycle. Then a week later and two days later than stated on contract the movers show up with her new list and all the old list disappeared. Yes, I was going to throttle someone. It ended up another $400. I ended up tossing things nice things because I was not going to pay $80 to pack a $70 dollar vacuum. At this point I am $1,000 over original and I had given half of my furniture away, nice stuff , credenza n hutch etc. I couldn’t get my money back because if I knew it was going to be that much I would have bought brand new from here. Ok so now it is 6:00 and I talk to my son and tell him I am going to hit the road for a few hours then hit a motel.. I have been up since 6 am so figured I would stop at one of those small drive up to your door type motels. I never realized The road was being torn up and every motel was totally booked. I was about to cry. I had originally had the back seat made into a bed for this type of unforeseen incident but the back seat, back window was crammed full of stuff the movers would not take. Then I get down the road thinking ok I will stop further up the road. It is now 1am and no motels in sight. Yes I am tired. Oh and I was out of gas. So I pull up to a motel and the clerk comes out and I am thinking whoopee I get a room. What kind of sadistic brat would come out just to tell me he is full. He told me my card would work on any gas pump lit up. I didn’t know how much I needed to complete my trip and it would not let me fill up. So swing around and finish filling on another tank. By now I can hardly walk my hip was killing me. My poor Nellie was so sick and throwing up foam I figured I had killed her.
I shake my head and say I can do another 4 1/2 hrs no sweat. Oh and I could not sleep sitting straight up in my car and remember I am killing my poor cat. We just need to get there. Oh and her kitty box was a dish pan which she was sorry but poop did not hit the bucket.
At 22 hrs awake I entered the enchanted forest my twin says never tell anyone this part but hey it is my story from hell. I have never done any drugs but marijuana so don’t know for sure what classifies as a hallucination but when the trees started to dance across the road in front of you and go poof like a puffball mushroom as you hit them might qualify. I had to ask myself if this was going to get me killed you know by thinking it is a poof tree instead of a live tree. Naw I can tell the difference. Just then a beautiful buck with the biggest antlers I have ever seen was standing on the side of the road. He didn’t get those big antlers by being stupid and stepping out in front of me. Then two female deer a ways down the road tried to see if I would slow down for them well yeah hitting a deer will take down a car. Then the bunnies are out going right then left they look at each other and can’t decide which way to go. No by now I am going really slow because remember the trees are dancing across the road still.
I arrive having not killed Nellie or any critters. I pulled my bed topper out of the car and threw it on the floor brought in nellies box and fell asleep.
I have two cell phones in my possession and neither of them work. I had a new chip being sent to me by UPS and wouldn’t you know it I slept thru his knock. So three hrs of sleep and I am off to the UPS store and she tells me he will wait for me in the next town thankfully only 2 miles away. I put in the new chip once I got home and yeah stop laughing it didn’t work. I went back to bed because I am here one day early so my family won’t worry. Wrong loud bang on my door yep it is a very nice policeman so glad I was alive. He handed me a he phone and I called my sister she was short n sweet and I went back to bed.
I took a few hours and went to the phone store and cutting this part short bought a new phone. My first text was from my sister longer than this post that she was never going to talk to me again etc. etc. I almost felt relieved but I knew once she heard my story it would be fine. Her response to my text was ok good now we can both get a good night sleep.
Did you guys miss the part about me sleeping on the floor on my memory foam bed topper. Well I won’t go on because I think I will write a book I have enough material.
Here is the capper. I call the movers and tell them I am old and need my bed. I still don’t have it. Ohohoh I can’t. Not tell you about how my apartment had not been cleaned and it was disgusting. I did not even cry I went back to bed. The next day I want to cry because I have the worst bladder infection ever. I figured blood in my urine warrants an ER visit. So punchy me gets to meet the doctors and nurses all goofy from lack of sleep. In all my life I have never been so exhausted.
So my pain is mostly gone except my left hip and lower back. The back is from the floor. Oh and I am at the library writing this as I can’t get WiFi yet due to they have used up all the broadband. Yes, it is a tale of woe.
But I love my apartment now that the black mold everywhere was part of the hallucinations. I am the only apt except maybe my neighbor who can not only see the fast moving creek out my bedroom window but hear it also.
Our floorboards creek and I like it because I can hear where my neighbors are.
I think I will fix my side so they can’t hear me.
The end of this story is not yet and remember I won’t respond for a few days until I come back. Hope you had a good laugh because I think it is hysterical with emphasis on hysterical.😜🤪
Linda n Nellie
The Rudest Rheumatologist EVER!!!
White patch moving along below teeth on gum 
Recently diagnosed with PMR
Feeling wierd
Esmeruth7
