My Friend is Dying

Those that can't do... RANT!

rantingsofamadwomanblog.com...

Warning; If you're having a good day, upbeat and happy... perhaps you won't want to read this blog. It's a bit dark. Sorry.

[Angiejnz]

So sad 😧 sending hugs

[Hidden in reply to Angiejnz]

Thank you.

[Marilyn1959]

Wow Mamici1! Your blog is extremely moving and poignant. I feel for you. Do you have contact with your friends family, since I am sure they might appreciate knowing how much you care for him and the difference he has made to your life.

[Hidden in reply to Marilyn1959]

Thank you. Yes, his wife sent me the FB Message... I will share this once he passes and things settle. They are just very fragile right now. : (

[Longtimer]

I know exactly how you feel, my close friend and neighbour has cancer for the second time and is my age 66.....she has just a few months left to live,....she has cancer of the mouth, she had a 13hour operation in April, but it had already spread.....her poor face is awful, now struggling to speak, eat etc....ironically but gladly she is physically fit!....in the last month she has gone to London for the day, balloon ride with grandchildren giving memories for them.....and now going next week abroad while she can with whole family.....

She brought me a lovely plant this week, to remember her by, because I`ve been housebound with the beast….she is unbelieveable……...I try to see her every week, and it sickens me that I can`t support her more.....we sit in the summerhouse having a good old moan, with cups of tea...…...yes, best not to try to figure it all out.......

[Hidden in reply to Longtimer]

Sorry to hear about your friend Longtimer... she sounds lovely.

[Longtimer in reply to Hidden]

Thank you....

[Primarose]

For you to be able to write such a moving account of your friendship proves that you are indeed a true friend.((( )))

[Hidden in reply to Primarose]

Thank you. I hope he knows how much he meant to me...

[Primarose in reply to Hidden]

Oh yes, you can be sure of that.

[Hidden]

Beautifully written and a lovely tribute to your friendship....but still so sad.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[Zofitmogelijk]

dear Mamici, I am sorry for you and your friend having hard times. I think to know what you are going through , the people around you, and know you as the person you are and where, fading away. In the end it can be chilly like a bare tree in winter. I wish I could say something positive. Maybe to bring up the essence of your being? A virtual hug for you.

[Hidden in reply to Zofitmogelijk]

Thank you. How beautiful and utterly sad, your comment, "...In the end it can be chilly like a bare tree in winter." <<<< Wow!

...and thank you, you have said/done something positive, you have validated my feelings! xxx

[Ruadh]

A very moving eulogy - a eulogy that assuredly resonates - many condolences - (((HUGS)))

[Hidden in reply to Ruadh]

Thank you.

[Rugger]

Melissa, I am so sorry to read this. As Marilyn says, can you send your wonderful writing to his family?

Today is the second anniversary of the very sudden death of a friend of mine - she was 5 years younger than me.

Thinking of you, my friend's and your friend's families. x

[Hidden in reply to Rugger]

Thank you and sorry for your loss. Two years... it's still raw, I'm sure. : (

[stellafmdm]

so sorry Melissa! thoughts and good wishes go with you as a part of you also dies!

May your friend go in peace.

[Hidden in reply to stellafmdm]

Thank you.

[Rosbud]

Gentle Angel hugs x

[Hidden in reply to Rosbud]

Awe... thank you.

[Pongo13]

Very sad. Sending hugs x

[Hidden in reply to Pongo13]

Thank you.

[May10]

Hi Melissa, I too have lost three friends in the last two years, two of them younger than me. I cannot believe that I will not see them again. It is so hard.

[Hidden in reply to May10]

Thank you and so sorry for your loss.... it is amazingly hard.

[AltonBay]

Thank you for writing this!

Yesterday we went to visit our friends of 45 years. She has alzheimers, her husband the full time caregiver. In just one month she had become almost non verbal, staring off into the distance as we cruised the lake. She can no longer get out of a chair by herself.

I am glad we went to visit them.

And I am grateful to you for helping me sort through my feelings.

[Hidden in reply to AltonBay]

Thank you for reading! Oh, how sad about your friend... I am glad you went to visit them too!!!!! And I am happy that my rant helped you sort through your feelings. I am sure they will ebb and flow, so keep an eye on them. xx

[Maisie1958]

I am so sorry to hear this, Melissa. What happens in life seems so random and unfair. Wishing both you and your friend peace and acceptance. Much love xx

[Hidden in reply to Maisie1958]

Thank you. And yes, "acceptance" is exactly what's needed...

[Telian]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and you need time to grieve today but remember, life goes on and your family needs you. You are strong and you will cope.

[Hidden in reply to Telian]

Thank you. Life does indeed go on... I am strong... I will cope... xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry about your friend Melisa, it’s so hard when it’s your contemporary, from your generation. Parents, Aunts & Uncles pass on in their turn but suddenly when it’s someone’s who’s your age & it make you doubt your own mortality, especially when we have Medical Issues.

Take Care, Thinking About You.

Angela xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

Ahhh, but the JOY of life, right???? How is that beautiful baby????

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oh she’s gorgeous, just spent half an hour ironing her a little cotton sailor girl stripy dress on my sleeve board, just so worth it & it has a little sticky out petticoat underneath! It’s beyond cute! 💕

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Awe.... Grandma! Too cute.

[Grants148]

A beautiful tribute to your friend mamici,your words are so true,when we lose people we love they take a part of us with them. Sending you big hugs and my heartfelt sympathy xx

[Hidden in reply to Grants148]

Thank you.

[DianeA1]

Thank you for sharing that. So sorry about your friend.

[Hidden in reply to DianeA1]

Thank you for reading.

[Rimmy]

Dear Melissa

You put this so perfectly:

"but I see also, that with him, goes a little piece of me.

As I sit here with my memories of him (and that time in my life); he will take his memories of me with him, and they will be gone forever. So really, a little piece of me will die with him.

And so it goes… with each loss we encounter, a little piece of us dies as well; until we are just a figment of someone’s imagination"

Many years ago I wrote a poem which I cannot now find to quote exactly but it was words to the effect that: 'the part of you that is me and the part of me that is you will go on dancing - through the universe forever - and it is THIS that remains ....'

It is this kind of 'transcendence' - or the imagination of it anyway - which has 'saved' me in my very worst grief. It is also within grief - despite its elements of anger, frustration and futility that we can sometimes discover the silent 'beauty' which eloquently replies to us with those unique shared feelings, memories and experiences.

But this is just how I try to think and what I have 'imagined' at such times Melissa - as I struggled through ...

Thinking of you

Rimmy

XX

[Hidden in reply to Rimmy]

Thank you Rimmy. Ohhhhh, I do wish you could find that poem, as I am sure it is beautiful and would soothe my soul. That one line made me cry: "...'the part of you that is me and the part of me that is you will go on dancing - through the universe forever."

[Longtimer in reply to Hidden]

How lovely, I agree with you about the dancing line.....my friend and I used to love dancing..........we must enjoy what we have in life right now.🙏

[Pipalina]

Very sad for you, Melissa, but very lovely & thought provoking words about the friendship you have shared...Kathy xxx

[Hidden in reply to Pipalina]

Thank you Pip.

[Hidden]

So sad but so beautifully written. X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[Jackoh]

So sorry that you are going through this again Melissa. I lost a very dear friend last year and a lovely friend about a month ago. It's hard to believe that we won't see them again in this life. Although as a Christian I believe that life is eternal and life on this earth is only a fleeting, short chance we have of making a difference. You make a difference Melissa and although as you say a part of you dies when they die, another part is created as a reaction to and as an experience of that parting that can be used for good. Xxx

[Hidden]

Thank you Jackoh. I am so sorry for your loss... it's still raw for you, I'm sure. Thank you also, for reminding me that I make a difference.... sometimes I wonder. Especially in sad times...

[Jackoh in reply to Hidden]

Yes you do!! Xx

[Hidden in reply to Jackoh]

xxx

[Footfairy-1]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Remember you still have all the wonderful memories. It may hurt to recall them but soon they will feel good and you will remember and feel the joint happiness again. So even though you feel that you cannot communicate with your friend, maybe to reminisce, you will eventually find yourself smiling at your thoughts of your past together and so grateful for that time.

You definitely make a difference to lots of people and I thank you so very much for that. 💐

[Hidden in reply to Footfairy-1]

Thank you... I appreciate your kind thoughtful words.

[Janicep]

It’s so sad when this happens but you have lovely memories- my brother died young at 52 and memories are all that remain but they are very special

[Hidden in reply to Janicep]

Yes... that is true. Thank you.

[TooSore]

So sad. I'm sorry for your loss and the grief it has caused. A good reminder to hang onto those who are dear to us.

[Hidden]

Thank you, and yes it is!!!

[Cha-net]

Dear mamici1,

That's not ranting, that's keening. It's good that you did it. I was so moved by your clarity & honesty. Truly we are all part of each other. As John Donne (?) said, "Everyone's death diminishes me" because "No man (or woman) is an island." As we get older so all we seem to gain is losses - but the bigger the gap, the bigger the love that will flood in to fill it. You are still clever, beautiful and oh so relevant without a doubt. More than that, you have also been blessed with the ability to make strong connections and friendships with others: your love for your friend has made him live for us.

[Hidden]

Wow... that was truly quite beautiful, Cha-net. Thank you for that... it bought tears to me eyes. And you are right... I am blessed "...with the ability to make strong connections and friendships with others." I am (and always have been been) so very grateful for that.

Thank you