Stress, patience and big decisions

[scats]

My calendar pops up in the corner of the screen to tell me that today I have an appointment for Zoldronic infusion, then in big friendly letters it says CANCELLED !

It was a stressful decision but one I am now relieved that I made.

A year ago my mother was dying , I had to ask for her feed pipe to be removed and watch her slowly deteriorate. I was in pain from a hip replacement, I didn't need the agro of arguing with my GP, I did what I was told.

All through autumn and winter I was in a lot of pain from the operation along with sciatica and PMR flare. It took 20mg of pred to ease things, more than the initial 15 needed. It also took several visits to a selection of GPs to convince them that the pain was real and needed dealing with, they seem to think if we just gave it a bit longer..... They weren't living it. I believe the prolonged pain in my leg was a result of the ZA. Bone pain is listed as a side effect .

One year on and there are new stresses and I'm glad I don't have to make the decision now. My son and his partner are separating and it involves children,house and business. Pain stress and expense. What retirement fund?

I have cataracts in both eyes. ( PRED!) I was referred to the eye hospital. Pre-op showed I had high BP (PRED?) so op. postponed. BP treated but GP forgot to refer me back to hospital Ahhhhhhh! Now at last have new appointment on Thursday. By now my vision is so poor that reading normal print is often impossible. Using my sewing machine - out of the question.

PMRpro always says that if PMR teaches you one thing it's patience. I thought I was doing quite well. I don't garden I potter. I don't wander the countryside I stay in more and read and sew.....

Thank goodness for the computer where I can increase size and contrast of printing. And thank goodness for this forum where I can let off steam to people who understand.

Whaw, that's better now I'm off for a cup of chamomile tea.

Thanks for 'listening'

[CT-5012]

Any time scats, hope you are enjoying your tea. Me? I’m sitting in the garden watching it grow. 😎

[scats in reply to CT-5012]

Thanks, weather must be better there!

[CT-5012 in reply to scats]

Small sheltered corner and a little sun😂

[scats in reply to CT-5012]

Took your advice, the sun is now trying. There's a pigeon eating my cabbage and a rabbit at the lavender ( they don't like lavender you know that's why we planted it!)

Actually I do have a lovely place to sit my husband made it for me last year and I have filled it with cushions. I even sleep in it sometimes. I sit there watch the birds and smell the honeysuckle and roses. Bliss!

Thanks for answering what I really lack is someone to talk to which is why the forum is so valuable

[TooSore in reply to scats]

Looking for someone to talk to in your real (non -web) life - I know you're not the only one who feels the need. Not a topic to talk to anyone but close family and friends. But shortly down this journey of ours I think their eyes glaze over. Then I remember that here folks are happy to listen and understand better than anyone.

Your spot in the garden sounds lovely. Enjoy it!

[scats in reply to TooSore]

Thanks I tried to photograph it but will need a new post to be able to show it. Thanks fo your support I do lack people to confide in in the real world. This might be the best answer for me, anonymity gives you the freedom to say things.

[PMRpro Ambassador]

Always someone around here!

All the best with dealing with this - just take one day at a time although poking the GP seems called for in your case (nothing new there, good as ours is here in Italy we have to take a lot of responsibility for managing our chronic problems!).

Our daughter is also going through marriage break up but he procrastinated so long that it was worth waiting another few months until both children were over 16! But we're still waiting after more than 5 years... It is only the house, no business at least, and they split up 5 years ago and she had both the kids until last year. It meant redirecting our investments to buy a flat for her - it earns more with her rent than if it were in the bank so it's fine...

It's on the up now - just the cataracts to do and it'll be a whole new world!

[scats in reply to PMRpro]

The children are 2 and 6. It's heartbreaking, and we don't live near enough to be of any practical help. Whenever we speak on the phone I feel I've said the right thing with the wrong emphasis so that he takes it the wrong way. Just can't win.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to scats]

That is a shame - and one assumes she will get the children? That's when it becomes really hard if it is acrimonious.

Our daughter's current boyfriend had a similar split - he lost their home as she kept the children, a bit older than yours, and after he had got a rural idyll specifically for their benefit nearby, then took it into her head to move 60 miles to the other side of Edinburgh where she reckoned they'd be happier in school. They probably are - but she still commutes back to the far side of the city to work and he has to traipse all the way to Crieff to see his children when he does child care in the middle of the week. Crackers - to be kind...

[scats in reply to PMRpro]

They seem to agree that the children need both parents, she will have them 4 days and he will have them three. In addition he will meet them from school 3 days and cook them dinner at her house while she works while they are so small. She grooms dogs from home so she needs to stay there to have an income. So our son needs to find another 3 bedroom house in the same town. They can just about afford one at the moment.

Thanks for discussing this it's not common knowledge yet and he doesn't want us to talk to others about it and we really need to. His father is so mad he's attacking the garden like there's no tomorrow I wouldn't want to be a weed around here even the blackberries aren't safe!

The split seems to mutual and they both seem to have the needs of the children as a prioty so things could be worse. It has just come as such a shock to us as we seldom see them and nobody said anything on the phone.

Thanks again for your support.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to scats]

If you want to say things in more privacy - there is always private messaging. Talking and hearing other people's experiences in similar situations is a big help. Living in Italy as I do it is actually quite amusing - they don't get together in the first place very often! There are very few marriages - both of them tend to live at home for ages (one girl I know lives in the family hotel with her 3 children, all by the same father, who works in another hotel!) because that way they get more financial support!

Yes - if you can barely afford one mortgage, a second is probably out of the question. We have another house let in the UK - much of the time it has been let to people in a similar situation to your son, marriage on the rocks but wants to be close to where the partner lives. Renting isn't the end of the world - at least, not when you have wonderful landlords like we are

[scats in reply to PMRpro]

They never actually got married but have been together for 17 years and she will always be part of our family, we are very fond of her. She was only 17 when they met. He says she's changed. Of course she has she's grown up.

The mortgage is his name only so she will have to take it over from if she is to keep her business. He should be able to get another one for himself. We should be able to help. I see the local solicitors raking in the money. As you always say every silver lining......

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to scats]

True - always one winner: the legal beagles!

Heavens - I'd hope I wasn't the same at 34 as I was at 17! I think that was what happened to our two - they were 19 when they got together and had a baby. She subsequently grew up - he is still more like a teenager in terms of taking responsibility for anything. I suspect it may be easier since yours weren't married - and is English law? Scots law has good and bad points - and there are a lot of bad points in this case.

[HeronNS in reply to scats]

I was 20 when I got married, far too young. And of course I'm very different now. I found the perfect father's day card for my husband: "If I hadn't found you ____ I'd be driving somebody else nuts!"

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to HeronNS]

I want a copy!!!!!!!

[HeronNS in reply to PMRpro]

The official image of this card doesn't seem to be available, but someone posted this (not me, I'm not Linda!) apparently an earlier version of the card, but the image and the words are the same, just rearranged.

grandpapoppers.blogspot.com...

[Linny3]

Good Morning Scats

I feel your pain. I really do. This board can be a life saver. You were able to tell your story very eloquently. Thank You for sharing. Sometime I feel like I am going mad. How can all this be going on in one body. I know that's what others are thinking also.

Take Care and Hang in there

Lin

[scats in reply to Linny3]

Thanks for your kind thoughts. Things are difficult at the moment especially as he doesn't want us talking about it so this forum is a god send. I've just finished talking to him now, sometimes I just don't know him.

It seems to be a feature of PMR it attracts troubles and to top it all a crown has just come off while I was eating lunch, so it's off to the dentist now!

All the best to you.