Feeling really bad this morning. Up and can't sleep. Going through a divorce and a house move away from my children and their children. Too much to cope with in the impending future. Also my ESA50 was completed after going to tribunal so I have to go back to work. After 45 years of work?. I feel worse now on 7mg of pred then when I started over 2 years ago. The beginning is great even with the symptoms of moon face etc., The withdrawal for me is awful. Perhaps just my violence in my life with my husband I really don't want to live any more. He is not here by the way. So no worries there. Just so down and don't know where to turn. After all I can walk and talk soon as far as everyone is concerned I can work.? Really concerned for me, just for once. Sorry for the rant. X.
Just Help: Feeling really bad this morning. Up and... - PMRGCAuk
Just Help
Hey Morrison,
I believe in love. I believe in the power of love, so I am sending you some of my supply to help get you through this. It’s been two years so you are on the downside of this beastly illness, hang in there! Karen
It seems to me anyone would have a tough time dealing with the challenges you're facing, but I think it is particularly hard if you're also dealing with this condition.
You might want to consider talking to your doctor about increasing your pred dose for a while. Your right on the cusp of taking barely enough to replace the cortisol that would be produced by your adrenal glands naturally, but not enough to deal with the stress that's in your life right now. It might help you feel better physically and mentally.
Going back to work might actually be a good thing. It will give structure to your week, and a sense of accomplishment every day that not only did you get through it, but you produced a good deal of value while you were at it. That validation will help you see that you indeed are important and needed.
Being faced with such drastic changes in your life isn't going to be easy. But look at it as a new adventure. Your new home will be just the way you like it - no one else's expectations to meet, not one else's likes and dislikes to consider. You'll be free to choose for yourself.
That's pretty cool when you think about it.
Come and rant as often as you like. This is a safe place. Many here have been through a least one of the things you're dealing with, and know exactly how you feel.
It seems daunting now, but you can do this. You're tough and you're smart and you're capable. I have no doubt you'll build a great new life for yourself.
And now...on with the new adventure.
Hi morrison, I am awake here with you. Please try not to get into a desperate state. Your worries cannot be solved in the wee small hours. Mind you, the sweet woman who taught me meditation said that 4 am is the best time to talk to God, he’s always listening then.
If you were subjected to violence in your married life then you ought to be entitled to specialist help and advice. You need to mention this fact to the benefits people, your GP and the housing people. Efforts have been made to coordinate their efforts to get people in your situation to a place of safety with support nearby.
It sounds like losing your benefit has been the final blow and you have already appealed. Was that sickness benefit?no wonder you feel so bad and 7 mgs is a tricky dose with the Adrenal Glands kicking in or not as the case maybe. You need help negotiating all this. You need to ask at the various agencies you have to deal with or at your GPs from the domestic violence angle. They should be able to coordinate the necessary help.
Be sure to let everyone know that this pressure has made you not want to live anymore. Believe me, these feeings pass and you musn’t Do anything drastic whilst they are at their height.
You were so happy a couple of weeks ago with pictures of your beautiful grandkids who love you. Remember the Easter bunnies. Your family loves and needs you. Don’t despair. These feelings pass and solutions begin to present themselves. Sending you a big hug - you will get through this, just like you get through everything life throws at you. Keep in touch. All will be well. 🌸
Just sending love , you have so much on your plate right now xx
I’m here, too. Unfortunately, I don’t know the workings of your systems so I don’t know if you can appeal. I know here in the States it’s not uncommon to have to appeal - it’s like they are saying, ‘If you want it, you’re going to have to really work for it.’ I think SheffieldJane gave you some really good advice on seeking support through agencies available.
I’d like to say a few words about ‘not wanting to live anymore’. Years ago I found myself in a serious clinical depression. I sought out treatment from both a psychiatrist and a therapist. In the initial evaluation, I was asked if I had any suicidal ideations, I told them that I didn’t but that it would be nice if I could just go to bed and not wake up. They had me sign a contract that I wouldn’t do anything to harm myself. Looking back, I really meant that it would be nice to go to bed and not wake up - to these feelings. I didn’t want to not wake up. I just wanted to wake up to a better circumstance. I really hope that’s what you mean, too. You have a lot to live for — children and grandchildren! One of my life’s blessings was having the love of my grandparents and especially of a great-grandmother. Just as you will be a blessing to your grandchild/grandchildren. So I’d like to ask this of you, could you consider making a promise to us that you won’t do anything to harm yourself? I know that sounds a bit extreme, but for me, in times of real darkness, it oddly was a comfort to know that there were people who cared enough about me that asked for my word that I’d seek help over harming myself.
You’ve got a lot of life changes coming up so do everything you can to get the help you need in navigating these changes. As Good_Grief pointed out, you may find that some of them will enhance your life. Getting out of an abusive relationship certainly will. I find living alone a real benefit. I don’t have any responsibilities to anyone other than myself and my cat. That means no cooking if you don’t want, no cleaning if you don’t want, no getting out of bed if you don’t want....Sorry men on the forum, but sometimes you are really needy. (Ha!) I find working with this a 50/50 thing. Some days I really wish I could retire, other days I’m grateful that I’m able to work. A few years ago I was notified that my position would be relocated to a different location. I spent almost 3 years dreading it, trying to figure out a eay not to move. Same with my boss...and we discussed it way more than we should have. A year ago we made the move and now we talk about what a great thing it turned out to be for both of us. What a lesson that was for me not to worry unnecessarily about something before It arrived because we never know what the reality will be. I have found that when I worry about something in the future, I attach a negative image on what it’s going to be. And when I look back at it, I’ve seldom gotten it right.
Morrison, you can do this! Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance. Don’t be afraid to seek out mental health help as you have lots of changes hitting at once. No shame in that!
Sorry that I rambled so much about myself. I hope that by hearing my story, it will help you in some small way.
Hi
Its a stressful time going through this on your own but you will get through it and will be a stronger person because of it.
It sounds as if you do have a place to move to so you don't have to worry about housing .
You have gone to tribunal and that is stressful
You can also go back onto JSA and then ask you GP for another fit note.
Also speak to your GP about counselling as i feel that will help you .
Your not alone and i do really feel for you
13 years ago I was in same position but i did not have to move away from family
I came out a stronger , more confident person and i am certain in a few years you will look back and say the same .
xxx
Everyone has said the things I would have said. My contribution is to say there is a new life waiting for you that will help you feel better. I too left a violent relationship. I walked out of a home and left everything. Best decision I ever made.
Regarding Esa. I have several.health issues and was devastated when they put me in the work group...is this what you appealed? I didn't appeal as I was too ill (so well done) but after 18mths they reassessed. During that that time I did what Dr said I was not good at.... playing the game. Instead of sitting at home managing my illnesses myself I ensured I went to the surgery more, when i could get appts, depression and anxiety need treating effectively and going to drs as often as possible for every symptom is the only way to get it all recorded by gp. The next assessment I was put in support group.
My real hope for you is that you feel better soon and that you don't have to return to work before you are ready. Btw...i was never in a position to even look for work. I went for the benefits interviews for that 18mths and told them I had been too ill to look for work and always ended with and who the he'll is going to employ me at the moment.
Get through this very hard stressful depressing part. You have shown such strength in your decisions. Keep that strength and everyday please pat yourself on the back. My best wishes 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻💜
The darkest hours are just before the dawn. You've overcome so many hurdles and made difficult decisions in terrible circumstances, you're nearly there - no wonder you are stressed beyond belief. BUT keep faith in yourself and in a future where you'll be able to shut your own front door on your old, destructive life.
The last few steps towards life-changing events are almost too much, all our energy has gone into getting 'nearly there' and then suddenly it is too great a task to finish. Just a few more steps, morrison, and we are all rooting for you.
Hello, sounds like you’ve been through the worst bit so you have little energy to do the moving forward bit with all the big changes to come. Take one hour at a time and heed all the lovely words above. I went though a time decades ago when I had lost my husband, a place to live and was made redundant all at the same time. I felt suicidal but kept going by doing an activity, any activity especially outside, every time the thoughts became overwhelming. I ended up feeding a squirrel actually. This period passed and now I can’t believe it was me.
One more thing. I’ve been going through 7mg and I have to say I have felt almost as bad as I did when I started on high doses a year ago. I definitely think it is too low to be useful all day and for stress but one’s adrenals are still like Sleeping Beauty waiting for the kiss from the prince! Perhaps a mg or two could be negotiated for the time being.
I think increasing it would be a good idea too. Just get your body to support you for a bit too.
Dear Morrison, I am so sorry life is beating you down, at the moment. It does have a way of getting to all of us every now and again. Please know that this too shall pass, just like all the other crappy times you've made it through in your life... you can do it again. You must do it again. We are all here for you.
“Sometimes when you're in a dark place you think you've been buried, but you've actually been planted.” ~ Christine Caine
It’s all been said all I can add is my understanding and lots of hugs. 💐💐💐
Hi,
All been said really, so won’t add anything other than to say, things will get better and thinking if you. 🌹
Never apologise for coming here for a rant, we all need to do it at times so reach out and ask for help and a bit of advice anytime.
If you want to here a friendly voice in the wee small hours, when everything hits you at once, Samaritans are there, 24 hours, 365 days of the year.
Practical action
- visit your GP (that has been said in other posts) I would discuss with s/he that you want to up the pred for a couple of weeks to 10mg and then slowly come down 1mg at a time using the one of the reduction plans, mind discuss this with your GP. This will help you to get over a stressful situation without risking a big flare.
Visit your Citizens advice bureau and tell them all about the tribunal and see if they can advice you on perhaps another avenue.
Are you a member of a Trade Union, if so..........they all have experts who can help.
I don't know how old you are, but a visit to Age Concern (yes it has a new name and I don't know it) and talk to them...............you will be surprised at how sometimes they can help you out.
Yes, your world looks dark at present, but it will become lighter just reach out as you have done by posting.
Dear morrison,it has all been said here but l really feel for you, l like many others have had a time when l have felt that l was in a big black hole and just wanted so much to get out of it which is so hard for you at this time with so much going on in your life that is dragging you down emotionally.l cannot imagine going to work when l first had PMR,it is so disabling ,stress can also cause flare ups. I think you really must see your doctor and hopefully he or she could give you a sick note so that you do not have to go back to work yet.Believe me,there is light at the end of the tunnel and l hope and pray that you will find it very soon,we all care about you here,much love Patricia xx.
Nothing to add, other than to echo DL's thoughts. Be gentle with yourself you will get through this.
You need help! Try the CAB, they deal with all the things you are worrying about.
Remember this - you are the important one at the moment, believe in yourself - you can do it.
So sorry to hear how you are suffering but I'm sending you Angel hugs xx
Love and warm thoughts.. May 10
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