Very difficult post to write but I need to write this somewhere.......here, I know you will understand.
For last couple of weeks I've been tearful, frequently throughout the day. I have been unable to put my finger on why....I can come up with several ideas but it's not stopping me.
I know I am feeling incredibly frustrated with my physical limitations....I feel more limited now than I think I have before. Maybe it is post virus. I just wish I could stop.
It's Spring, there are gardening jobs I'd like to be part of but just wheeling the wheelbarrow 200 yds with leaf mold in was more or less me done in. Mark is NOT a gardener, so anything that I want doing I have to supervise. Asking him to do jobs (he's 70) seems unfair at times. He's very understanding but I just want to be well enough to do stuff. I had to get him to use the Garlic press just now cos I can't squeeze the damn thing
As a former psychotherapist, I know I am not depressed, but my mood is low. I feel like I am mourning the loss of my physicality and have become an observer in life rather than a doer. I wish I was 40! Why do I have to be almost 63 and feel like an 80 year old!
Thanks for letting me let off steam. I have a friend, ex colleague I can email which will help too.
(Doing this without swear words was hard.....I am a swearer when I am angry/frustrated.....).