Hello All,
I thought I’d let you know about a recent incident which should serve as a lesson, particularly to the males who have joined our unfortunate club.
With my wife having left our cold and miserable shores in order to spend a sunny week with her daughter in the far south of Spain, I was left at home - not alone, but with her son-in-law who allegedly, is working on a short-term IT contract in the UK. He is charming, good company and has made great inroads into my Nespresso stash, generally treating this place as home as evidenced by the state of the lounge and the filling of the dustbin with take-away food packaging . Nevertheless, since I bought a long, stick-looking Dyson vacuum thingy, I was able to prevent the house looking like it was being occupied by Men Behaving Badly - well, up to a point.
In lieu of payment for board and lodging (my wife wouldn’t hear of it), he announced that he would buy us a new, all-singing, all-dancing tv with 4K, HD and any number of acronyms which didn’t mean much to me but apparently were essential for watching Eggheads in 2017 - I suppose he had a point, since our old tv had so much ‘screen burn’ that my sister thought it might represent a map of the world, when switched off...
Anyway, having tentatively looked at a replacement, I spotted underneath the store’s display, a home cinema dvd and sound system at vastly reduced price. I became hugely enthused at this prospect and, having called to ensure that said system hadn’t been snapped up in the ‘sale event’ 2 days earlier, I rose at the crack of dawn, drove into town and by 09:15 had sealed the deal - even though I didn’t yet have a tv to connect it to. Since I had time to kill, I bought an enormous bunch of flowers with which to welcome my wife back at the airport (and which I hoped would soften the blow of the large array of cardboard boxes occupying the lounge).
Flushed with success, I then decided I would do those things outside which I’d put off due to the amount of tv sport which had occupied much of my free time during the previous week.
Although I’d had strict instructions not to - I set about trimming the overhanging branches and clearing the blocked gutters. I made an impressive heap on the driveway and was determined to demonstrate that this PMR thing was no more than a minor hindrance to normal life.
If only I could reach the blocked rainwater outlet, I would finish the job. By this time the son-in-law had decided he would be a couch-potato no longer and had taken himself off to the gym...... As I mounted the top step of the ladder, I had to lean significantly to the left. Unfortunately, the ladder leaned a similar amount to the right and I came crashing down onto a large terracotta tub containing a maple tree, bought by my son several years ago. I broke it with my back and side and, having all the breath knocked out of me I scared myself witless. I soon realised that, had I struck the driveway with my head, I might not be able to write this post at all - being ‘home alone’ in these circumstances was not a good idea....!
So, with the festive season almost upon us and trees and decorations needing to be put up - please be aware that questionable balance under our medication, is a very good reason to get help and certainly not attempt this on your own!
As a postscript, whilst most friends and relatives were sympathetic and restrained in their criticism of my stupidity, I was asked ‘how’s the tree?’. This is akin to enquiring after the iceberg struck by the Titanic......!