Depression has set in big time

I have not blogged for a while , I am having a nervous breakdown so the doctor says, I have suffered with depression all the way through this and having got down to 9.5mg of pred I had to go back up to 15mg as my esr went up and my nerves got worse.

I have suffered panic attacks and to top it all my dog was attacked whilst we were walking in the park 2 weeks ago, now I am even frightened to take them out as I panic too much .

Last night my denture broke so I have no front teeth and nowhere is open on a bank holiday weekend so I am staying in bed all weekend I am now down to 13mg alternate days , I hate what this illness is doing to me , I have gone from a confident person to a nervous wreck .

My doctor put me through to the mental health access team who took 2 days to call me to see if I was suicidal , if I had been I think they would have been a bit late!!!

I admire everyone on this forum because this is a horrible condition to have and everyone should get a medal in my opinion, we all deserve one x

23 Replies

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  • Hi Lynabellk,I have been ill with depression for months now its awful,it kept up on me and normally I am such a happy person and keeping everyone,s spirits up but I think from going to the gym 3times a week and teaching 3 days a week and then in hospital been diagnosed with GCA and in recent months multiple fractures in the spine and multiple embolisms in the lings and now cataracts due to high dose of steroids for months,I can definitely relate to all you are going through.

    I am now having counseling and it works as I have spent most of the last 5 months in and out of hospital with all my complaints,I am still on 30mg,s of preds,

    but do not give up no matter how difficult it gets,we all have each other and that is good.and I am always here to chat to if you wish,kind regards Ritter(Anne)

  • Hello Lynabelle,

    Just a little note to say that I am thinking of you,

    I am so sorry to hear that things are so difficult at the moment.

    Keeping you in my heart,

    Karen x

  • Lynabelle, if your doctor is aware of your problems has he not suggested a short course of anti-depressants? I'm aware of all the reluctance to talk about depression not to mention the anti'ds but in the short term they are often a blessing. They worked for me as they give you breathing space and time to get your head round it all, as they say. The relief of being able to get things straight in my mind was the turning point for me. I was back to being myself in a matter of days.

    Somehow it seems almost worse to get depressed in the summer, but many people do - almost as many as during the dark months, so you are not alone.

    Or, as Ritter says, you could ask for counselling, but (here at least) the waiting lists are so long that it isn't really an option in the short term.

    Whatever you decide, I hope so much that you don't have to suffer the black dog any longer.

  • Can I ask you which antidepressants worked so well for you?

    I too have been struggling though when I read how much worse things others have to deal with I feel I should not complain, as the Pred works well in terms of pain.

    Thanks

  • Thanks everyone for your kind words, I am actually on 40 mg of antidepressants and she won't put the dosage up any more, and Ritter , I am so sorry to hear about your spine and your eyesight, and I am here to talk to also if you need it.

  • /depressive ans worse thoughts assaiiihg'' A lot of other things going 0n.Some of it is Neurontin AKA Moron'tin. Some is Prenisolone and PMR I think I;m mad..

  • Hi,Lynabelle,...nothing worse than "the black dog".It will pass.Samaritans,"Crossroads",Social Services,will be helpful.........Give them a wizz.God bless you, and KEEP TALKING .Soo.

  • Severe depression is another side effect of the "devil's pills". Once you can accept that it is the pills and not you that is making you feel this way you can cope with the thoughts and feelings. I, too, have had feelings of complete desolation,especially in the night but knowing that it is the pills helps. Trying visualising attacting hoardes of pred tablets and defeating them! Putting your thoughts down on paper (or computer) can help as well.

    Having your dog attacked doesn't help - perhaps you could arrange to walk the dog with someone else along as support. Strength in numbers.

    Hopefully you will be able to get your teeth fixed quickly which will help but remember that with depression the smallest of setbacks will seem like a major event - I cried for three hours over a broken wine glass!! I know it is difficult but laughter does help - look at funny clips on U-tube!

    Remember you have many friends on here - we know what you are going through and will try to help.

    Good luck.

  • Thanks guys, just writing it down on here is helpful and thank you all for your kind words.

  • Hello lynabelle. Please take things easy and remember we are all thinking of you . Just keep blogging when you feel low and all the lovely people on the blog care bout you. I hope things improve for you soon . Trish 29

  • Thank you trish I will get through this I know but it's like swimming through treacle , I will get there in the end and thank god I have people like you who know how I am feeling god bless.

  • Take care of and be gentle with yourself... we are right beside you on yous journey.

  • Hi lynabelle,

    I am sorry you're feeling so low and depressed and panic attacks are just awful.

    I hope you can get your teeth repaired as soon as the bank holiday is over.

    Use the next couple of days to pamper yourself with the love and care you deserve , watch films ,read and when you see your GP next week tell him you are so thoroughly fed up you want a complete appraisal.

    The Preds are controlling pain to a degree but are having a detrimental effect on your emotions and mental health so maybe another app with Rheumatologist plus more help needed for this awful depression as the 40mg don't seem to be doing their job. Are you taking Citalopram Lynabelle ?

    You need a light at the end of the tunnel and at the moment it must seem that is just a dream. You can and you will feel much better with the right help, ie: counselling , a different anti depressant and a plan for the PMR and other health problems.

    Look after yourself , you aren't alone , the people on here are wonderful and we all support you and care. x

  • Hello Lynabelle

    I'm rather late to this discussion but just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear what you're going through - if my dog had been attacked I would be devastated and depressed too even without PMR and steroids.

    We have all been affected emotionally to some extent from both the inflammation of PMR coursing through our bodies and the steroids needed to control that inflammation.

    I do so understand what you are going through when I remember the 3-4 painful months I spent in bed when GPs and a rheumatologist failed to diagnose me and I was attending hospital appointments by ambulance and wheelchair. I was so depressed from both the pain and staring at the same 4 walls for such a long time that when the phone rang I started refusing to answer it, knowing that I would just break down. Slowly after many months the pain started to ease and the rheumatologist said: "I don't know what you're doing but carry on doing it because the ESR and CRP markers are coming down"! When a favourite friend called one day, I said to her "I wish I could get in your car and go for a ride". Minutes later she had put on my shoes, got me into her car and drove me to the local garden centre. The staff there loaned us a walking stick and with my friend on one side and the stick on the other I hobbled to the cafeteria where we sat down and enjoyed a cuppa and a natter. I can't put into words just how much that experience lifted my spirits.

    So if you have a favourite and understanding friend or two, then I really recommend you meet up with them for a cuppa and a chat. And keep walking - that will also help to release those feel-good endorphins. And most of all, keep talking - remember we are all here for you and no-one understands what you are going through like we do. Chin up, PMR does go into remission and thankfully although it's certainly life-changing, it is not life-threatening as is the case with other even more nasty illnesses.

  • Oh Lynabelle, I am so sorry to hear what a horrible time you are having. Speaking as a counsellor, I know counselling is not a magic cure, but I do think that when we are going through really tough times it can be helpful to offload to someone who is paid to listen(!) to you for an hour a week in confidence as, so often, we are worried about becoming a burden on our loved ones. As a hypnotherapist too, I also think hypnotherapy can be a wonderful way of relaxing and de-stressing without hurting the body at all! A word of warning, however, hypnotherapists can be inclined to overcharge, so shop around!

    I must say with my experience now of being in constant pain too, I can really see how easy it is to get very down and how hard it is to get back up again. All we can do is to keep going and talk to anyone you can as " a problem shared is a problem halved". Writing thoughts and feelings down in a journal, bashing cushions , or even screaming at the end of the garden,when you get frustrated can also be good- it's better out than in !!

    I do hope you feel better soon. x

  • Hi lynnabelle, Do hope you are feeling better today. Thinking of your dog/s, while you are so ill, have you heard of the Cinnamon Trust. They may have a volunteer dog walker in. Your area who could help out just now until you feel able to cope again. I have dogs and it was all I could do to muster courage to endure the pain today and take them for a scamper in the nearby field. One of them insists on playing tug of war with the lead as we set off and I just cannot do that as the pain is too much. We must work on that with a tid bit reward when she lets go. Don't know what I would do without my wuffas though. If a walk is all I do today, so what..... All best wishes, your not alone,

    55grove

  • Thank you everyone for your well wishes I feel that I know you all and I also know the pain we are all going through together , I went out in the car today and had a little walk with my husband it was so good to get out in the sunshine .

  • Hello Lynabelle,

    I have had PMR for a long time now, double figures! and last year was diagnosed with GCA, so my doctor put me on Prozac 20mg. At the same time I started taking Vitamin D3, the sunshine vitamin, and this combination has worked wonders on my frame of mind since kicking in after 3 weeks.

    The vitamin D3 releases the trapped serotonin which helps make me feel more positive, and UP. This vitamin also strengthens bones, which the steroids diminish at rapid rates, and also helps with my skin.

    When you are depressed you tend to remain indoors. Consequently not getting your fair share of the day light, and sunshine which produce the serotonin. This vitamin tablet goes a long way to giving you what you need. But whenever possible, be outdoors, not necessarily in the sun, but in the daylight.

    This illness is horrible and depressing, but you owe it to yourself to find peace of mind within it.

    I do feel for you, but know you'll find a way to manage this phase.

    Aren't we lucky having this website......

    With you all the way

    Judy..

  • Lynabelle

    That sounds like a better day and doesn't the sunshine help. I'm so glad for you.

  • Sorry to hear you are feeling depressed but pleased that there are so many helpful comments on here for you; Just a thought......have you had your vit D levels checked recently? If they are low it can affect your wellbeing. I have just had mine checked - my Dr said my levels were good but that I was the first person for ages whose level was ok!! I have taken multi vits for years and also spend a lot of time outside (walking dog and gardening) so this is probably why mine are ok.

    Hope you have had a good rest over the weekend - treat yourself to something nice this week!

  • Lynabelle,

    Glad that you are sharing your feelings. You have definitly been through a lot lately, too much. You have been given a lot of good advice! I hope you are starting to feel better. If you do not mind, I will be praying for you, I do believe in the power of Prayer!!

    Blessings!

  • Lynabelle

    I do hope things are improving a little now you will have your teeth back. As I have partial dentures - one of which is also an obturator, so it was made up at St. Thomas's Hospital - free! There are some advantages to having been born with a cleft palate!

    It must have been really scary with your dog. I hope you, and she are getting over the stress from it now, and also that your medication has been adjusted to help. I've had a wide variety, but seem to respond better to the old ones.

    Sorry my previous post on this thread was utter nonsense - I wasn't drunk! Stupid meds.

    Thinking of you.

  • Hi missrat

    Feeling so. Much better I go from one extreme to the other, my dog is still not right I think he is a little depressed too, but hopefully he will get better in time, he is 11 years old so not young.

    These steroids make you mental sometimes ha ha

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