I am crying as I post this. I am blown away by all your responses to the childhood post. I had an idea that I'd have some responses to the post, but not as many as there have been. So many of you have shared your stories and whether there is any "official" connection or not, as far as I am concerned there is. I'd like to answer each of your responses, but there are so many. Your responses have convinced me that while I suspected my childhood may have contributed to my PA, now I know it did. Perhaps childhood suffering may not be 'THE" main official scientifically accepted cause of PA, but at least now I know that what I went through as a kid certainly set me up for PA later in my life. There is something known as (Adverse Childhood Experiences) "ACEs", and there's a correlation between people who have a higher ACEs score and those who have adverse health issues. My ACEs score was quite high.
OK, since so many of you shared some of your stories with me (and others on here too), I feel it is only fair I share a bit of mine as well. I will try not to embellish so much. Not sure where to start or which things to mention seeing as there were so many, but here goes. When I was 3-4 years old, I was tied to a clothesline out back. My mother placed a collar around my neck and tied a long leash to it. A glass of water was placed nearby (which I'd usually knock over of course), and this is where I'd stay for most of the day. Word got out about this to the point where people would say things like "Hey did you hear about the woman who ties her kid to a clothesline? When I was in first grade, there was a huge clay pit behind the elementary school I went to. Many times after school I would go there (partly to avoid going home where torture reigned) and I would end up getting my clothes stained with the red clay. Naturally, when I would end up making my way home, I would be punished for getting clay all over my clothes. I remember on two occasions getting whooped severely. I have a lasting memory of sitting in the bathtub after I was switched (mostly on my legs) and the warm water looked like red Kool-Aid. Another time I was switched in the living room in front of my mother's boyfriend so badly that I ran into my bedroom where she followed me and proceeded to complete the job. I was a very sickly and skinny undernourished kid who was always accused of being "retarded" due to my many nervous ticks and being the son of the woman everyone knew in the neighborhood. After that one whipping above, I remember looking at the walls in my bedroom closet where my bloody handprints were scattered all over. Pieces of my skin were all over too and . . . I guess that's enough and an example of what I went through.
I know this seems so terrible as I am writing this, but I swear to you I am not making this up just for a horrific response. I apologize as I am a writer and I suppose I can't help writing, well, like a writer. I remember trying to talk to my older brother about childhood abuse, but he used to always say "its the past so don't talk about it and let the past stay in the past." He was the golden child of course, so what else could be expected? Now and then I'd mention my "stories" to someone and they'd look at me strangely and say oh come on, surely you're exaggerating. I would feel embarrassed and just drop it. Then I wrote a book and in the process of writing my book, things began to come out and my mind began to tell me things I had repressed for years. I realize now that a lot of what I wrote in my book came from my childhood experiences.
Ok, I've written entirely too much I fear. While writing this I also realize that I am in therapy with you all. I don't know how to say this without seeming too corny, but I am feeling a deep connection with every one of you. Thank you so much for your heartfelt responses to my post. I pray none of you think I am making any of this up as it occurs to me that someone could do that, but of course, feeling ashamed and guilty even when I did nothing wrong was how I grew up. Not sure how to end this. Thank you all again, Mr.Justatip
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MrJustatip
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I am deeply saddened to read of how you were treated and how you are bravely speaking out. It shows real courage and strength. You have been severely let down by those who were supposed to nurture and care for you. To show you what unconditional love means to keep you safe from harm. To scoop you up, when you have fallen over and grazed your knees. To kiss you better, tell you bedtime stories and make sure you are snug in bed.
You did not have a chance to thrive in those formative years. This impacts on your health and well-being especially as you say, you were undernourished and underweight.
I am pleased that you have an avenue to release both by writing and here. Unfortunately, it is a case of knowing who to discuss these things with. You have attempted with your brother and found that is not an option. Similarly, some people can become uncomfortable or simply just do not know how to respond. This again, can be very difficult for the person, in this case, yourself.
Like Nackapan has said small chunks so you can process each bit, one at a time. Healing slowly and surely.
You are an extremely brave and resilient person and I am full of admiration for your courage. There is absolutely no doubt about your truth and the fact is that what you have been brave enough to share is most likely the tip of the iceberg.
I had a happy childhood but suffered an abusive marriage for 17 years and I only managed to escape in my late 30’s. I have not been able to find your courage to talk about what happened and I cope by having the experience tightly shut inside a mental box. I know this is not the conventional wisdom to deal with trauma but it’s how I cope.
Now I am older and wiser, I can see the trauma has heightened certain characteristics in me that enable me to empathise and help others. I still cannot watch some films or the news without feeling unwell and uncomfortable as I am sure you will experience uncomfortable memory triggers too.
Remember that small steps conquered Everest - you will conquer your Everest too. Proudly does it. 🥰
It's hard to reach out to someone on the forum and give them a warm comforting hug but that is exactly what I would like to do. 🤗
Your scars go deep which have affected you in so many ways.
Despite our own health issues we find the time to respond to others dreadful stories and health issues. You have touched this soft heart of mine and I hope somewhere along the way our words trigger some form of healing. Your slowly but surely bit by bit geting that pent up pain of the past out. I think by now you must be smothered by all our hugs - but here's another. 🤗
I would like to add albeit the abuse you endured contributed to your ill health I would be more inclined to put it down to years of malnutrician.
I hope your wife has managed to get some form of management for the pain in her leg. I also get the leg pain but find it is my feet that trouble me the most. Even with regular B12 injections they are still very painful.
My faith in Drs and consultants like yours has also dwindled over the years.
I am so sorry you went through this it sounds horrific. There is a terrific amount of research now into childhood trauma being linked to diseases. I was abused as a 19 year old by my childminder and her boyfriend, I plucked up the corsage to tell my mum and she said I was chatting s**t. The boyfriend shot me 6 times when I tried to run away. At 15 I was raped again my mother didn’t believe me. At 30 I had a violent husband that broke every bone in my body and left me with no teeth and a brain injury. I was advised to read a book by erkhart Tollé, a very difficult book to read but exemplary. It’s about how we can’t change the past how we shouldn’t live by the past to live for today only and not worry about tomorrow as it isn’t promised. It does help me. I don’t want to let these incidents rob me of my todays and tomorrows.
I could say so much about your post, I hardly know where to start. Although it is so hard for you to expose all of this childhood suffering you do us all a service by having the courage to put it all in writing. Everyone has a duty to acknowledge the terrible things that people can inflict on their children or indeed anyone who is unable to fend for themself.
I have things in my past that I have largely kept to myself. I feel a sense of guilt that in divulging terrible things you are burdening the listener with the horror that you experienced and even inviting them to turn away. But you can tell from the responses that that is not the case here. You are in the company of people who really do care and acknowledge the account of your past unreservedly. It can’t change the past but maybe it can help you accept that none of it was really about you but your severely emotionally damaged mother.
Hi Mr JustatipI absolutely believe you, and thank you for sharing, very brave and i have experienced the same issue, people saying I have made it up or exaggerated. It is so hard and I have felt guilty and disloyal sharing my experiences. To then be disbelieved is a double blow.
It is hard for people to accept that mothers can be so abusive as these are the people who should care for you.
I have a twin brother who was the golden child. He got the same physical abuse but no psychological abuse. He won't discuss the past.
My mother was an evil monster. She died 5 years ago and I am now free. She had multiple personality disorders. The damage they do is horrific they don't deserve to be called mothers. Worst of all she was a primary school teacher.
This is a safe place, I am glad you shared, people who have experienced this horror understand, fully.
Thank you for raising this very difficult issue. In an odd way it is a comfort knowing you are not alone. I am so sad for us all. I have been able to make a good life for myself I hope you have too?
Mr justatip, I don't even know where to begin. Thank you for sharing your painful truth. I have no doubt that what you were subjected to in your childhood led to your condition today.Reading what abuse you and other's have shared, has just broken by heart. My abuse was not as bad, but any abuse is bad enough.
You see stories on the news about children being chained to beds in the basement and starved while their parents eat in front of them and all these horrific things, and you wonder how people get over such abuse. But they do find a way. Bless their souls. If I could reach through this screen to hug you I surely would. And all the other survivors on here too. We not only survived our childhoods but we're surviving the outcome of those childhoods and we've been fighting our whole lives to survive one thing or another. So for all of us, I say we rock and we owe ourselves a huge pat on the back for what we've overcome and what we continue to overcome every day of Our Lives.
I am so sorry for the abuse that you and others have suffered on here it brings me to tears. But I applaud your bravery and your tenacious ability to move forward and find happiness in your life. All we can do is keep going, help each other, be kind to one another and break the cycle of abuse.
Thank you for sharing your story. I sure hope I get to read something you've written someday. I believe the abuse we suffer and the trauma we suffer, gives birth to creativity in many ways. From writing, to painting to music, to cooking, the trauma in our lives sometimes create some of the most beautiful works of art. So write your books and do whatever you have to to heal yourself. I hope you share it with us whatever you write.
I wish others would share their creativity on here and share what they do to help themselves deal with this terrible condition. I tend to paint and take photographs and make nature TikTok videos. It helps me with my trauma and my depression and my tiredness from this disease. I hope everyone finds an outlet somehow. 🦋 Hugs to everyone!
I am so sad to hear that someone was treating you so badly as a little child. I hope your heart can heal (and your body) and you can have a happy life in spite of it. Hugs and best wishes.
My parents gave us a happy childhood. They hadn't, either of them, experienced one themselves. Far from it. They invented for us a life they'd never had, and I'm so glad to have had parents with that sort of brave imagination.
It's purely luck, good or bad. It's not your guilty secret, your shame or your legacy. You were powerless, just a child. Living through an awful experience - one that you have had the honesty to tell us about. It has given others here the permission they wanted to start speaking of their own experiences.
Takes massive courage to do what you have just done.
Thank you so much, Cherylclaire. I think there is always a chance that when you speak of truth, it sets you up for someone to wonder if you are being honest. I struggled as a kid to have anyone believe me back then, so it is what it is I suppose. Anyway, thanks again. MJat
You are more than a survivor but a fighter. You keep pushing through and finding answers. That is amazing!
I am so sorry you were treated that way! Just know that you are safe here and there are good people in this world and the world is good. Just surround yourself with good people. Work toward happiness. However I know that hole in your soul will always be there so don't try too hard to tuck it away. That's pretty much impossible. So it's good you have reached out to us. So all you can do is your best and you obviously really are!! Good for you!!
💞😢🫂 I have no words. Humans can be incredibly cruel and inflict unspeakable and lasting harm. Truth can be stranger and much more unpalatable than fiction.
When you shared your story with us you took a risk, you faced uncertainty and possibly felt exposed. You're placed your trust in us and the vulnerability you felt is not a weakness but in fact a strength. You have revealed your true self and that takes courage-there are no guarantees- and lives can be transformed this way x
I find it helpful to understand that PTSD is after the trauma and the effects on my body did not necessarily happen during or immediately after the events of trauma or during long term periods of trauma. Other than any physical injury that occurred during the trauma.
Hi Mr Justatip,Yes put the body under extreme stress constantly and you wake and stress out the immune system, kicking it into overdrive.
"The Main Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat" is an interesting read on how the brain copes with trauma of different sorts. Now we know the gut and brain are very connected.
I completely blanked an abusive relationship. I met the guy some 25 years later and slowly started remembering. At the same time some childhood bad memories surfaced. The way I think about it, is memories are there, but the interconnections have been zapped in self protection.
Whether this is the cause, or result of PA better heads than mine need to fathom.
It never ceased to amaze me how people don't want to know, don't believe you or don't want to admit the horrible truth when they do know something. There's something about this disease too that makes reality unreal. According to the book above, the brain, when faced with information that doesn't compute, stores things in a cerebral oubliette. I feel mine has been cracked open like Pandora's box and now I'm self injecting am piecing together a jigsaw puzzle of life long consequences as my brain and nervous system heals.
So I believe you unfortunately had a malignant narcissist for a mother. I believe you were horrendously abused. And I can readily believe PA was triggered because of it. Big hugs and keep writing it out.
I love what you wrote. Never heard of the book you mentioned, but I looked it up and may buy and read it. Anyway, thanks for your response, and yeah, it's an eye-opener now and I also believe that what I went through as a child, if not caused my PA, at least helped bring it out. Good luck yourself. MJat.
Oliver Sacks was a British neurologist. He has written many great works, in my humble opinion. One of his books was made in to a film, Awakenings starred the great Robin Williams. The illness was a type of brain inflammation (encephalitis) where patients can have a headache, sickness, confusion, trouble speaking and even hallucinations. Sacks wrote of his efforts in a particular hospital.
Autoimmune diseases such as P.A. can also cause inflammation of the brain. So, it needs recognition and prompt treatment.
I just wanted to add, I've found Dr. Ramani videos, on YouTube, very helpful on understanding the narcissists in my life. I know it's a bit fashionable to label folk as such, but I do feel we are particularly vulnerable to folk who can play on our disability - forgetfulness, not being confident about things being real or not real occasionally, not being able to join the dots at times, because of poor short to long term memory processing.
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Update on other half!!!!
? Increased cancer risk with high dose b12 use.
B12 injection and acne - how long?
