Well, We all know at times we have all been dismissed by Doctors because they have little knowledge of B12 Deficiency, and how it affects multitude conditions. Then it comes to family, everything is Black and White, let him have an operation, it's not as simple as that I say
I go to explain (that He has written to the Specialist twice begging for an operation, and again in a consultation, when the Specialist said to him look Mr ........ Your are seriously I'll .)
but before I could explain I was shot down with abuse. I admit I lost my cool and said For F...
Sake you are not Listening. One day later her Husband came over ... After apologising for my out burst,I went to explain again he kept interupting, In the end I just said if you dont want to listen that's fine. .
We are all guilty of this at times, and maybe the art of Listening has lost it's way in society today.
Yikes. Yes they have certain ideas in their heads and no matter what you say, they don't care. My last endo was like that. I recently got my hands on his notes and due to all mine & hubby's questioning (for which he had no answers) & his ignoring what i was saying, he concluded i had 'severe psychological issues'. Well if he had listened we were telling him exactly what was happening. I lost it with him a few times too.The endo before that was even more rude and kept interrupting us. Can't fix stupid.
Lots of theories, people are busy, stressed, etc, but if I acted like that to my 'customers' I'd be fired on the spot! Plus I'd never get my job done because I'd have no idea what the underlying problem to be solved was. In the end doctors are not scientists or engineers (solving problems), but I don't know what they are!
It's a big problem & hubby and I discuss this fequently. We basically came to the conclusion that they are not trained to think, to problem solve, to deal with complex systems thinking. They just pattern match - oh all my patients with X issue get Y treatment, so you do too. No nuance, no thinking. And if you don't have to think, why bother listening?? The details have no meaning. Sorry to any MDs but I have yet to see otherwise.
And I'm sorry to you too Sallyann. It's just wrong he didn't even allow you to finish a sentence. The arrogance! And to accuse you of abuse!! Disgusting!! I would have cursed up a storm as well. Stay strong 💪
I am strong (at times), when you start to think about why things go wrong, thinking it must be me not being able to communicate, perhaps I am saying the wrong things and you start to analyse, process the information and reactions. After all this, the only conclusion I can resonate with is the art of Listening.
We can all throw our side of the story (whether right or wrong) but if people dont Listen, we will all end up
With people dictating to us, who only have one way of thinking, and that their way is always right.
I too thought it was me at one point. Started bringing hubby to appointments. He got more pissed off at them than me . It's definitely not us. Lack of listening... yes!
How many times do you watch a debate, or interview on T.V. and then talk to the T.V. and say forgot sake shut up. Let the other person answer, dont drown them out. Guilty my Lord ... I often talk to the TV..... but then again they cant hear me😂
You know it's a form of gaslighting in a way to make you question yourself did I say something wrong do I need to change the way I'm talking do I need to ask this question in a different way am I being too direct am I trying to be my own doctor we sit here trying to figure out how we have to talk to them and we take all the blame ourselves as to is our approach towards them correct, when really it's their approach to us that's not correct. And they are there and supposed to listen to our aches and pains and our problems and decipher it. Everybody is different and just because some people have the same disease it doesn't mean it affects everybody the same way and they go by this book and they don't Veer from it they don't think outside that book. It just drives me crazy I have given the same symptoms for decades I have never veered from my symptoms they've never changed except for to get worse and after Decades of telling the same symptoms to hundreds of doctors and nobody can find the answer there's something very wrong with the communication between doctors and patients. And it is not us, it is them. They're the ones who are supposed to know what we can't figure out ourselves all we know is how we feel if we knew what was wrong with us we wouldn't need them. In fact that's why we self-inject, because we have to save our own lives because they aren't listening to us. I'm so sorry Sallyannl, they should have never cut you off and treated you that way. You feel you have nowhere to turn. Except for here.💙
Very well said. This should be kept to hand in all homes!
It seems medicine has been reduced down to a tick box exercise. Do we need people who spend 7 years at university. 3 years practical training. Paid 100k+?? If patients have to do everything?
The only diagnoses I've received are when I've told them. Therefore, my approach was to figure out what I had and go to them to sanction the tests. Nothing else. I have no faith in them.
When I thanked me doctor for finding my PA, he said WE found your PA. Because, I was the one that said we need to change everything we think is wrong with me and start over. I diagnosed my Endometriosis 38 years ago, using the Readers Digest women's health digest. I looked for months and read everything until everything kept coming back too Endometriosis and sure enough, that's what was wrong. That lead to many surgeries. But the three years it took too diagnosed it, took it's tole on me mentally. The head games and egos were what made it take so long. And the gaslighting has continued for 38 years and 100 different doctors. My oncologist is setting me up with a new hemotologist and all i can think is, they aren't going to hear me or see me, but I'll go. But this is the last time.
They live in a bubble with their own kind. A toxic cesspit of people trapped, who cannot leave the system because they're unemployable. So they drag us down to their level, to feel better about themselves.
You should never let them drag you down to their level. They have been educated to gaslight us, and lie to cover their arse. The only thing I cannot understand is how they can call themselves human beings. Brainwashed into believing they are always right, far superior to us or are they afraid to stand up for what is right. Majority of the time its £££££££, whether that is in their pockets or pharma pockets.
It has now come to the point whereby they are going to lose the respect they once had. No more banging of saucepan lids.
I'm so sorry that in the middle of all your heart break and hassle you have been subjected to such an intolerable lack of respect.
I frequently suffer from it too and its hard, when you are under pressure, not to react in what is, at minimum, an entirely suitable self-defence level... But what we, who worry about abuse, consider (wrongly, really) to be over the top - and chide ourselves for our momentarily diminished self-control!
Good for you! I hope they "go away" and think twice about pushing you about. My only regret is that you apologised for your degree of reaction.
20:20 hindsight is great but I wish you'd told the husband that she deserved all she got, and more, because she had pushed you too far with her completely inappropriate lack of respect! And if they could find some compassion, empathy and respect then they would be welcome but, until they did, they could expect to be treated with the contempt they deserved!
Grrrr! It's rotten how the people around us, who in normal circumstances seem OK, aren't, really, and could do with some basic manners!
When you have good friends, with good manners, it shows up what an appalling lack of manners most people have!!!
If you can, when dealing with someone like that, remember a friend with good manners (yourself) and focus on how they would be and diminish the power of the arrogant person with the comparison in your head - and call out their bad behaviour if necessary. "A person with good manners wouldn't say that" or "my friend, who has good manners, would listen to me - and I don't need to try engage with someone who doesn't", or "when you want to listen, I'd like to talk with you but until then there's no point in trying".
Easier said than done, and I frequently fail, but I'm always better when I have a coping strategy up my sleeve before hand! 😁
My dependant Aunt is, at times, very rude/abusive, just like my mother was, and I find her nonsense hard to cope with. A wonderful friend has encouraged me to be honest with her and if she is being batty, and then unkind if I try to bring some sense to the situation, mention my concerns that that sort of behaviour is often displayed by those with dementia. And so is the paranoia and accusations that I'm inventing things. I confess I'm mortified at the prospect, because it seems almost like abuse in return but I know it's not; it's true - and I should stand my (correct and caring) ground more to make life more acceptable. And if it is dementia like it appears to be, then the subject must be broached at some point!
Good luck!!! I'm with you and behind you. If you get in a tight situation, squeeze your hand up tight in your pocket or behind your back or otherwise out of sight, and it'll feel like I'm squeezing it back in support of you! We'll beat the detractors together!
Denise, I understand all what your saying, Mum gave me a hard time, I found that obeying her wishes saved alot of hassle.
Like your aunt it's very difficult, you do your best and Social Workers work from manuals, reading but they dont have the Practical knowledge that enhance there paper knowledge. When it got to the point that I could no longer cope and was making myself I'll, I went to Social Services, I explained everything, they didnt believe a word of what I was saying. Ring Sister s...... (cottage hospital). She did, and Came out to see mum.
I can remember her exact words ... "Why have we not heard about this women". While in the Cottage Hospital
They had Hoists, several people would assist her.
I had a Zimmer Frame, that My boss at work Bought for her! . I hate being told how to look after people, when they have little knowledge of the condition.
(mum had lymphodema, Neuro etc etc both legs were bigger than my waist)
Back then, I just got on with it and did the best for my mum. Now I have learnt from mistakes, in taking orders from people who have no experience.
I have told hubby, if these relations dont want to help, but lecture me then I would rather they stay out of our lives.
I would rather them roll up there sleeves and give there tongue a rest!
I dont like being rude, but sometimes the frustration reaches boiling point, you have to release that steam !
Thanks for your kind post. Hope life is treating you a bit better....
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