I’m only now getting around to reading all your responses fully and Ritchie1268 wow what an amazing story!
Nothing motivates us more powerfully than going through our own deep suffering and then determining that others shouldn’t suffer from the same mistreatment & misdiagnosis.
My profession as a psychotherapist grew from my own dark night of the soul.
I was forced into a psychiatric hospital when I was 21 - that’s 44 years ago now!!
Firstly I was misdiagnosed & heavily medicated for schizophrenia, then within the first week they changed their mind and decided the label manic depression was a better fit. So my medication was switched to “fix” manic depression! I don’t know how many weeks I was incarcerated in this psychotropic prison but I had the wisdom to know that my only way out was to behave in a meek and obedient manner. I was then seen as “fixed” and functional again to fit into normal society.
However like you Ritchie1268 I don’t regret those terrifying experiences at all. It moulded my entire future and catapulted me into becoming a psychotherapist using hypnosis.
Many years later during the menopause I suffered very severe insomnia. I see now it was a chronic B12 deficiency. B12 injections would have helped me enormously but all my doctors could offer were sleeping pills 🙄
I didn’t even consider taking them knowing that I’d need increasingly heavy doses to get me to sleep and knowing the catastrophic side effects (that are actually direct affects). Anyway the point of this story is that overcoming and healing all this trauma has given me the empathy, compassion and patience to help my clients. I’ve successfully managed to get many of them to quit antidepressants and find their own deeper emotional healing.
A huge journey that I don’t regret in the least but that I must definitely wouldn’t want to go through again. ☺️
Your story has captured me and by the way it's is very well written and expresses very deeply how little is known about B12 deficeincy and it's devestating effect.
Only a few weeks back I read a similar story of a lass who has a label of schizophrenia and is now suffering frequent fits, she is also B12 deficient.
As you so rightly say sometimes no matter how awful our past has been it moulds us to what we are today and makes us a better person.
You have used your dreadful experience constructively and put it to good use to help other's. Your story hit's a very big question of how many have been wrongly diagnosed and been put under mental care for a simple issue of a vitamin deficeincy that could so easily have been rectified ? It's quite frightening and very disturbing to even contemplate.
Thank you for sharing and how I wish I were one of your clients. 😘
Yes dear Jillymo - as I said at the end of my looong response to Nackapan: for all of us, the gift within the wound lies waiting as we make our way towards our own unique solutions.
Yes we all suffer so much and so needlessly from misdiagnosis! It was only years later I heard of what’s called a “spiritual emergency”. This occurs when the system is suddenly flooded with incoming spiritual light frequencies but the physical body can’t sustain this because it holds too much trauma and stress. This was describing exactly my own symptoms! It even described how “the worst response a person can have is to think they’re suffering some form of psychoses and then commit themself to a psychiatric hospital”. Thank God I’ve long since overcome my anger at this forced “incarceration” because I can now see that it shaped the trajectory of my whole future career as a psychotherapist. I vowed that if I could do something, anything to prevent another person suffering in this way, my own suffering would have been worthwhile.
For all of us, the gift within the wound lies waiting as we make our way towards our own unique solutions.
Today the diagnosis for such trauma is to label patients with Functional Nurological Disorder then hand them a slip of paper with a web address on and tell them to google it - I told the consultant if I had wonted such a label I would have popped along to the local supermarket and that I thought him unfit for the position he holds.
The consultant totally ignored the fact that I have various diagnosed auto-immune diseases and my raised CRP/ ESR levels. As for both my thyroid and parathyroid disfunctions they didn't even come into the equation.
I were low in mood, suicidal, my ballance and cognitive function had totally gone together with my eyesight and I were basically bedridden but told none of my symptoms were related to B12 deficiency !
Am I angry ? Too bloody right I am but I dont intend to carry that weight on my shoulders - I will aim it at our failing health system. 😡
Hi Jillymo - really sorry to hear this.. I was wondering if any of your doctors has ever considered autoimmune polyendocrinopathy syndrome? (I found out this year that I have a single pathological variant in the AIRE gene (which is responsible for autoimmune regulation). A single variant (rather than two variants) results in a milder case, that perhaps does not have all the features.
There are some very characteristic features of it, though, including parathyroid problems, pernicious anaemia, vitiligo, adrenal problems, plus other autoimmune conditions.
While your doctors may have already identified everything that is going on for you, it may be worth having someone ‘join the dots’ and getting you tested for variants in the AIRE gene (perhaps a referral to an endocrinologist, who could perhaps organise this for you?). As this would certainly help other members of your family in future, get things identified quicker (so hopefully no long battles to get GPs to recognise B12 deficiencies or thyroid problems in future).
I wholeheartedly agree - it can be devastating if the wrong diagnosis is made. Malabsorption, other autoimmune diseases and P.A./vitamin B12 deficiency need to be ruled out first.
As another example, there is a book and film of a lady who had Anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis (another autoimmune disease) who was sectioned for a month before they realised she had this very serious physical illness.
Too many smarties given out today. Finding the root cause of any illness should be the priority.
in reply to
Most certainly yes Sallyanni. That’s why I felt such a huge anger and rebellion at such a superficial, mindless, pill popping solution. I just knew that no solution for my trauma was ever going to come from a bottle of pills.
Really Sorry to hear what you experienced. And well done you 💪 the hope dies last....depression or other mental health illnesses are not our weakness....it shows how long we can manage invisible " hell" and how strong We are 💪 I dont wish this to worst enemy.....Always happy to talk if you like 🥰
P.s. primum non nocere.....unfortunately doctors these days dont know this phrase and forgot about Hipocrates
After begging three doctors For B12 shot for hubby who passed dementia test (therefore refused B12) a lady doctor agreed to one .... Her words were " It can do no harm".
You have come through so much and have turned it around. It’s inspiring.
I am annoyed at my MH label as it follows me around like a bad smell. It does push me to study, to learn, to be proactive and attend events (presentations, webinars), to educate and to help on here as best as I can.
Everyone of us needs to be listened to, our symptoms can be painful, embarrassing and debilitating. We need to be shown compassion for what we have endured and what is so often misunderstood.
Would you believe Narwhal10 that my own greatest challenge was in accepting and eventually coming to experience loving compassion for myself! My biggest breakthrough was when I became aware of how strenuously I had been resisting connecting with and then directly feeling all the pain & fear in my heart.
By week 10 (no exaggeration here) of no sleep whatsoever, feeling utterly locked out of my body, I came to realise just how much I was actually fighting this insomnia by staying stuck up in my head in a continuous stream of past/future distracting thoughts.
I finally experienced a breakthrough when I asked the question “what are these thoughts trying to rescue me away from?” Then I started to just be present here & now with the physical sensations of pain and fear in my heart. This was quite a piece of work - striving to silence all that mental noise and uncover enough inner silence to directly feel all the chaos inside my body. But it certainly worked and shortly after that sleep slowly started to return.
I’ve been using this technique now for many years and only recently discovered that there’s a whole technique already developed out there called “somatic therapy”
Early in my recovery I spent a lot of time volunteering for the drug service that eventually agreed to help me.
Meeting and chatting with people in the waiting rooms gave me a great empathy for those suffering with many forms of substance misuse and addiction.
Due to the stigma in society and being tought by that stigma growing up, that many of those I now have great empathy towards, that I would've once frowned upon, are amazing human beings that face a daily battle most of us can never imagine.
Many have suffered trauma, Physical abuse, or suffered mental health issues so reached for a substance to help them forget, to feel "Normal" if for only a short while. Then realising when it was too late, what they were trying to forget or escape from came back ten fold with a vengeance, now they had addiction to deal with on top of everything else.
I would never have had the outlook I now have if I hadn't walked a mile in their shoes myself. No university degree or coarse would be able to have taught me what I now know. Only living through that experience and backing it up with science.
As you say, I wouldn't want to experience what I did ever again, but, it has now given me a whole new purpose in life that I would never change.
One of the first things patients say to me when I first meet them after being referred by their GP is, "Thank God, I know longer feel alone and have finally found someone who gets it"!
Wow I certainly understand that desperation to find some relief from suffering Ritchie. During the worst period of my insomnia the only “solution” offered was sleeping pills - I tried a few different types and came to realise that I’d have to take a really high dose to knock me out!! Thank God I didn’t take that route knowing too well the disastrous side effects. (Or more accurately direct effects).
Yes I have huge compassion for people struggling with addiction and the stigma of mental illness that’s still so badly understood by our broken mental health service.
My whole career in working with trauma has been hugely inspired by people like Dr Gabor Mate, Thomas Hübl and Terrence Real, to mention just a few.
Sounds like you’re doing great work Ritchie and that people really feel seen & heard by your empathy. 👍👏🙏
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reflection. No doubt a decent amount people with unresolved psychiatric issues are actually B12 deficient or have some absorption problems. Even with a diagnosis of PA or b12 deficiency I could see how one could end up down the wrong path toward unhelpful medications/treatments that aren’t treating the root cause of the issues. I get severe depression, concentration/focus problems and fatigue/muscle cramps when I’m deficient (which for me has gone on for years unfortunately). If I didn’t have the diagnosis of Pernicious Anemia I’d think I had major depression and I’d be on so many antidepressants that would be making it worse. In the depths of my deficiency I would actually completely forget that I had PA in the first place and think I needed antidepressants (didn’t help that my therapist kept pushing for me to be on them) I’d put a lot of blame on myself when I would struggle with productivity and daily life functioning. I’m still deeply in the hole in terms of my symptoms (still struggling around 300, my docs won’t give loading doses and I was on a 3 month pause for injections because of docs being a pain). Now I’m back to weekly but I expect it will take months until I feel myself again (my doc is only giving cyanocobalamin injections which is less potent). I’ve never felt worse mentally in my life. Pernicious anemia is no joke. I’ve been trying for years to finally get to healthy b12 levels while having to constantly advocate for myself to get what I need. If it wasn’t for me pushing my docs for weekly injections, booking appts, I’d have NO injections and they’d completely leave me in the dust to slowly crumble. Every doc I see assumes its some other docs’s problem, no one making sure I’m getting what I need. So I get worse and worse, sometimes completely forget for weeks that I have PA, then I remember Oh yeah I have PA then I have to hound them to get the injections I need.
I recon if I had been diagnosed with PA 25 years ago I would have been spared so much suffering. However now I’m so blessed to have finally found a wonderful Dutch gynecologist (through a Dutch client of mine) who is completely open minded and now I’m self injecting on 3 x 1,000Mg a week. But what a schlep it was to set this up from Ireland!!
Misinformation, miscommunication and a GP who was afraid of the insurance companies because he was being “the 3rd party” 🙄.
In the end I figured it all out for myself, completely bypassing the clunky health care system here in Ireland. Which is firmly under the profit motivated boot of big pharma!!
So much real healing was lost when herbalism, homeopathy, acupuncture and especially the old fashioned “taking the waters” fasting was shoved aside in favour of drug and chemical based treatments.
Sadly big pharma has a huge stake in educating doctors who know almost nothing about diet & nutrition, psychological health and stress/trauma related illnesses.
There are a few really great doctors out there - ever increasing I hope 🤞 but sadly the vast majority can’t see beyond the next prescription fix!!
Rant over 😉
in reply to
Why is it we can see the problems, not medically trained, who now avoid medical settings and buy our own. We are not paid £kkkkkkkk
I also ended up as a psychotherapeutic counsellor. 30 years of recurrent "depression" never responded to any of the many different antidepressants or mood stabilisers. One day I collapsed and was rushed into hospital where they found I was near death because of PA. 3 monthly injections, then bimonthly injections kept me alive yet still the "depression" continued as did many other symptoms caused by neurological damage. After two years I took my treatment into my own hands and every other day injections fixed the depressive style symptoms within months. The severe pain from nerves damaged by under treatment has eased yet after 2 and a bit years are still a problem.
Looking back I suspect the PA has come and gone during my life as there have been periods of great achievements followed by collapses that were put down to "depression" - I am aware this does not fit into what we know about PA just now.
Wow well done to now be a psychotherapeutic counselor yourself Bellabab. I’m sure after all your own considerable suffering, you’re a great help to your clients. I recon my PA stemmed from the massive doses of penicillin I had to take in my early 20s. This was back in the dark ages 🙄 before any consideration was taken of repopulating the gut with friendly bacteria or restoring the delicate balance in the micro biome. Not a word about the long term side effects of penicillin. So my capacity then to digest and absorb B12 was destroyed.
It’s interesting too that PA is an autoimmune disorder. Dr Gabor Mate speaks with deep wisdom about how the immune system follows the emotions. If we’ve never been allowed to defend ourselves, to speak out on our own behalf, to voice our own truth (as was my own case) that then the immune system follows this core belief “I’m not allow to defend myself!”
Incredible story Ballabab. I'm deeply sorry for your struggle. I think I agree with what you say here.
"Looking back I suspect the PA has come and gone during my life as there have been periods of great achievements followed by collapses that were put down to "depression" - I am aware this does not fit into what we know about PA just now."
I believe I developed PA after being given Lupron injections at the age of 23 to synthetically put me into menopause instantly. I had developed endometriosis and adhesions from a dog attack. He ripped my abdomen open. I was on hasn't antibiotics, and eventually put on Lupron to stop the endometriosis. Suddenly I was crying all the time and depression was just through the roof.
I went through injections once a month for a year and I felt absolutely horrible the entire time. But I thought it was endometriosis and the adhesions causing me to feel that way. After that, 4 abdominal surgeries over 6 years. I was so young I had no idea the repercussions of all this.
After that I struggled a lot to succeed in life and be everything I was supposed to be as a young person. But it was extremely difficult.
My family was quite abusive. Telling me nothing is wrong with me. I had no where to turn. So over time, I isolated myself and 22 years later here i am still alone with PA.
So, I'm not exactly sure what caused my PA but I had ups and downs as you say. I took some really awesome vitamins for about 20 years and I felt pretty good. I started a graphic design company of 33 years, and became an established respected photographer and even won some awards. I hiked all over the sierras. It was difficult and a struggle but i pushed myself to succeed and i did with everything against me. But down deep inside were lingering problems and they would come up every once in awhile especially if I got super tired or super overwhelmed. Walking was becoming very painful and difficult. So I think in the decades as PA was taking over my body, I think it did come in waves.
But I can tell you now it's rearing its ugly head and really putting me in my place. The depression is really bad and I don't want to take any medicine for it. It’s just very difficult to deal with the Weeping and the depression and the pain and the nausea and the confusion the vertigo and the weakness and the inability to walk it's just really getting to me. The worst thing is I sleep about 3 hours a night. My watch tracks me. I bought it purposely to monitor me since I live alone. I'm so tired, but I don't know what to do because I don't want to take anything for it. I'm drinking teas, I'm doing everything I can holistically. Marijuana is legal where I am, it's the only thing that helps me fall asleep. Just can't stay asleep. I've been up all night tonight with a headache and nausea, trying not to type too many things in here while I'm this emotional. Lol
Anyway, I do believe as PA is taking over, it ebs and flows. Right now it is flowing like a rushing river over cliffs and rocks and i feel every bump!!! Sorry for the novel, I really need to sleep. Haha I guess you're stories really hit home for me.
Wow what a story. First thing I think is “what about the massive trauma & pain of that dog ripping out your stomach?” This would cause us to completely go out of our body, freeze, numb out, detach ….. just to survive such a huge trauma. Yet the medical profession seemed to be looking only at fixing the physical symptoms!Instead you suffered these abusive Lupron injections, synthetically forcing you into a very early menopause. Almost as if instead of actually being helped more abuse us piled upon you! I’m guessing that your abusing family compounded your trauma & isolation telling you “there’s nothing wrong with you!” 🙄 Denying your connection to your own pain, numbing it away even further.
My heart goes out to you and I have great admiration for your tenacity in trying to heal from all these stomach surgeries - in surviving so much trauma!!
But especially I feel great compassion with your struggles to get by on a crummy 3 hours sleep a night. I know so well how utterly exhausting it is when we can’t even get enough sleep.
I still struggle with insomnia but this 65 year old me isn’t as frightened by it as my younger selves were. I guess I’ve learnt patience & acceptance ….. hugely hard earned.
If this me could go back to menopause me, (and many other younger selves too) I’d hug & soothe her and coax her to give up the struggle to find sleep and stop resisting the discomfort and pain. To just be present with what is right now! Because that’s what finally worked for me. Again easier said than done and of course that was just my solution for myself.
Wish I could send you some peace & comfort in your sleepless hours. Please know that you’re not alone in your struggles - my heart goes out to you. Behind the scenes I’m guessing you’re actually developing powerful coping skills of endurance & tenacity.
You know Deeniebeenie you're the only person in my entire life who's ever even brought up the fact that it was a traumatic situation to be in in the first place. And I need to tell everybody it wasn't the dog's fault. He was injured and bleeding to death and I was trying to help him when he attacked me. But that was because he had been abused and was confused with blood loss. I was rescuing him. He ripped open my pelvic area nothing from inside came out, but I could have had a cesarean section had I been pregnant because it was ripped open all the way through. One of the most traumatic things was that the dog died. I really never told anybody this story and I've never really been able to tell anybody all of this until this forum. Just telling my story is quite a journey in itself because it really brings up a lot of emotion. But I can't believe you actually got this. You actually get it. I'm so grateful for you all letting me tell just a little bit of my story. As I'm sure there is much more to all our stories!
I will try to accept my sleepless nights. It just keeps me from being able to do the things that I want to do during the day and I feel like my life is passing me by and I'm not participating. Anyway enough of that. Thank you so much for listening to me and for your words of encouragement and understanding that is something I have never had. You're very good at psychotherapy. Haha
Thank you, hugs to you and all. We're all pretty amazing!!!
Awww I’m crying at your tragic story right now EllaNore and sending you a huge hug of so much compassion. Of course the poor dog was utterly unable to know that you were only trying to help him.
See if you can pretend that you were successful in saving his life and that in healing his wounds & trauma something deep inside you becomes healed as well! Imagine even that your healed dog comes to thank you for such a kind caring gesture.
Changing the past to heal the present.
I so hope you can feel my care & compassion for you right now 💗🥲💗
I feel you so much. I am crying hysterically. I have never had anybody hear my story. It has been a 37 year hell for me. I feel your compassion and I cannot thank you enough for giving this to me. I wish I could see you in person right now I would hug you so much. You have no idea what you have done for me. this thread that you started moved me so deeply. I have literally been living in a Darkness all alone for over 37 years. You need to go through the rest of your day today knowing that you did something very special for me today. You said some very deep things today that take deep realization for somebody to actually grasp. Things I didn't even mention to you but you pulled out of what I wrote. You are gifted and you helped me very very much today. I'm sending you love and hugs thank you so much!!
Ellanore ..... your shoulders are lighter,and I am sure everyone of us reading this are moved by your story .. so glad you joined our family... we will always be here for you .
Thank you so much Sallyannl. And I will be here for others too!! We all have our devastating story that needs to be heard and I will be here to listen and support.
Hi, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, you did amazingly well to get through it and arrive at where you are today. Could I make a general plea though to everyone on here;
Recently there seems to be a theme running through several posts which sounds to me like "anti-depressant bashing " ?
Getting a bit fed up of it ...
I suffer from depression and have done for many years.
Whatever the cause, and despite self injecting as much B12 as I feel I need, I still require antidepressants.
No, I am not "addicted " I have come off them several times, sometimes for years.
I am fortunate to have a happy life and do NOT have any deep unresolved issues ( I've had psychology counselling, CBT etc. )
Modern antidepressants have no relation to dangerous psychotropic drugs and despite the recent rather small study, millions of people World wide attest to their efficacy.
We all know how frustrating it is when people don't understand the impact a "simple "vitamin deficiency has on our lives and question the need for injections of B12, so please, please, don't assume that I and others have no need for antidepressants.
They literally saved my life , and along with B12 continue to allow me to be a functioning human being.
Please don't jump on the "vilification of antidepressants
band wagon" , everyone has different needs and no-one yet understands the full workings of the brain and what causes depression or the action of medication
Hi, definitely agree about more research, that goes for B12 too , so much to learn, especially about the brain .You've been through so much, sending you best wishes x
I apologize for not seeing that they do help others. I guess they were such a nightmare for for me, that I never thought about the good they did for others. I am glad you have found some relief. Thanks for sharing your story and for sticking up for everyone in your boat.
Hi, thanks for your understanding, and I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience with antidepressants. Unfortunately medications don't suit everyone, and that goes for all types of drug. Wishing you well x
That is exactly true Ghound. I am sorry for your struggles to and I am very glad that you found a way to feel good and be happy. That is a big deal. Everyone wants that outcome. Wishing you well too, hugs!
Ok, wow you are amazing. I just want to say congratulations DeenieBeenie, because overcoming what you have overcome is absolutely incredible. For you to overcome all of that and still come out wanting to help people is the pure definition of empathy.
Your story makes me think back at my mental health struggles. Doctors, failed me for decades and if I didn't have mental problems before, I sure did by the time Doctors were done with me. Withdrawal from Cymbalta nearly killed me. I was in complete atrophy and could not talk or bend my body. I will never take antidepressants again. I was never more depressed than when I was on antidepressants. I haven't taken any meds since, except acetaminophen, until now. Doctors are paid to push antidepressants. That salesman in the office is there to tell them all about the kick backs they'll get for pushing drugs.
It is wonderful that you were able to help those people off of antidepressants. That is such a huge thing. You changed their lives!! You saved their lives. Literally!
Doctors still try to push antidepressants down my throat but I tell them, I don't have an antidepressant deficiency, I have a B12 deficiency. They just look at me. 😶
You are doing such a great thing. I'm sorry you had to suffer so much. I hope you've found some peace, especially with what you do for others. Wishing you the best.
Wow thanks for such kind words EllaNore! When I escaped the incarceration from the psychiatric hospital by acting all meek & obedient - it was assumed by everyone: psychiatrists & my mother alike, that I’d continue to take all the meds they’d prescribed for me. Wow we’re they wrong 😂. I continued the charade of taking them to placate my mother (as it was her “solution” to have me committed in the first place) but I just stopped taking everything completely - cold turkey. Exactly what we’re NOT supposed to do! I definitely wouldn’t recommend this to anyone !!
I remember feeling very very disoriented, and strange for a few days afterwards - dizzy and sick.
One morning after several months of feeling real depression (for the first time, because the diagnosis of “manic-depression” was utterly wrong!) I woke up feeling light and joyful.
I remembered having a beautiful healing dream which seemed to wash all the depression away.
Again, I don’t in any way regret this very traumatic period of my life - it shaped the whole trajectory of my future healing journey through hypnosis & psychotherapy all the more rich & meaningful.
Thank God I was also able to completely let go of all the anger I felt towards my mother.
Well I'm very glad you're at peace with everything. It sounds like it was a very traumatic thing to go through. I don't have a relationship with my mother. I don't talk to her or my family anymore. Anyway yes never stop antidepressants cold turkey you have to be weaned off them. But try to tell your insurance companies that. They're the ones who took me off Cymbalta and cause that reaction. But I'm glad I'm not on any of that. And I'm really glad somebody finally diagnosed pernicious anemia. But it's been a lifelong journey in a very hard one. Good luck with everything. This forum really is very healing
Is it me or is this forum healing BECAUSE we are talking to each other, discussing our own battles in life that no Medical book written or degree can replace human experiences.
Absolutely Sallyannl, I am very much alone. This forum is my lifeline to support I would never have without it. I get a bit overwhelmed, that I finally know others that have the same symptoms as me. Decades of being alone with all these weird unexplained symptoms. I finally found answers, right here. I truly don't know how I survived through all of these years of confusion and misdiagnoses and medical abuse. So grateful for this community.
I definitely believe in helping others. And I definitely believe we need to spread this word.
in reply to
Yes I certainly believe in the mysterious ways God works throughout our lives. So many brave souls here overcoming our suffering, having a voice, being believed and not having to hide how it was/is. Big hug to you all 🤗
Hi DeenieBeenie and Nackapan (with relation to your daughter) and anyone else who is willing to share their story,
Just out of curiosity and please understand that if you do not wish to disclose information then I respect that.
When you were diagnosed with schizophrenia then manic depression, you were prescribed and took those type of medications. Were those medications withdrawn or do you still have to take them at lower doses ?
Similarly, Nackapan, your daughter was prescribed lithium at one point ? But no longer ?
I can answer that easily Narwhal10 - when William Delaney, the psychiatrist assigned to me, decided that I had more symptoms of manic depression than schizophrenia, he immediately took me off all meds for schizophrenia and immediately changed my dosage to “treat” 🙄 manic depression. I do remember being very surprised at the complete turn around but so utterly unable to assert myself at that age. I have a vague memory that I was on very high doses of Largactol. Then he brought me before a panel of about 36 psychiatrists to discuss my case. They were asking utterly ridiculous questions like “does ‘a stitch in time saves 9’ make any sense to you?” And “do you feel like Jesus - that you can do anything?”
Even at 21 I realised they were searching for some pigeon hole, some category to assign to me. I even remember my remark “I feel like a person who wants to drive a fast powerful car and all these drugs are doing us throwing up mud on the windscreen”.
I saw people being woken up to be given sleeping pills, anorexics being forced fed to fix them by fattening them up.
Another occupational therapist searching for the convenient label telling me “you’re afraid to get your hands dirty! That’s it right there.
My only way of rebellion around my controlling mother was to immediately stop taking these drugs (her solution, not mine).
I’m sure they were doing their best, but the utter lack of awareness these psychiatrists’ had of emotional trauma, their utter reliance on “drug therapy” and the superficiality of their need to pigeon hole the problem - all this created a deep silent rage within me - that later in my early 30s became my core motivation to become a psychotherapist.
So to answer your question Narwhal10 - no I took myself completely off these hated meds - cold turkey! Definitely what should not be done! I knew that I had to find healing for myself on a much deeper spiritual/energy level and that for me no answer would ever come from a bottle of pills. I haven’t taken any “meds” since then.
I fully acknowledge that others may benefit from properly managed tranquilizers & anti-depressants, hopefully today they’re more refined and some wise doctors see the benefits of counseling or psychotherapy to deal with the deeper issues.
For myself my own healing journey began when I started meditating regularly at 23 and then in my early 30s worked with a skilled psychotherapist in London. Of course my own studies in psychotherapy and hypnotherapy had a huge healing effect.
Thank you for being so open, honest and sharing such a part of your life that truly sounds awful. You had the strength, courage and tenacity to work through and now help others. Reading your reply brought tears to my eyes.
Your altruistic and empathetic nature shines through.
Aww bless you Narwhal. And so lovely to hear that my story even brought tears to your eyes!It’s so strange in a really nice way relating all that happened to me on this platform! Seeing how I’m feeling as I write about it! Any lingering anger still there Deenie? (what I used to call myself as a kid😉)
Even though we don’t know each other on a personality way, I feel deeply heard by you. 🤗🤗🤗
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Depression and successful treatment
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B12 Deficiency - Depression? 
