Crying out for help

I have been living with chronic pain for the past 8 years. I had learnt to live with it, but two years ago I had an operation on my shoulder and since then I have gone downhill and this past 3 months have been worse my pain specialist gives me injections but this time has been unsuccessful. I have been referred and on a waiting list for the pain hospital in bath. But right now I'm in a really bad place I am really low, having anxiety attacks, in a lot of pain and most of all I feel like I am on self destruct and I feel like I am going to push my amazing partner away. I'm scared as people don't understand because I look normal. I don't know what to do....

15 Replies

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  • Hi Jess - sorry to hear things are so bad for you. You haven't said what (if any) medication you're on. Perhaps you need to speak to your doctor urgently, explain how bad you're feeling, and ask for some pain meds - at least temporarily to tide you over till the pain clinic appointment?

    Also, can you speak to you partner and let them know exactly how you're feeling and you're fears about pushing them away? It may be that they are feeling just as concerned as you so speaking together about it could clear the air. If they've been amazing so far, I reckon the chances are they'll continue to be amazing! (I know - my husband is the same)

    I'm not sure what else to say to help you. It's late now and I'm really exhausted so can't think straight. But I wanted to make sure you'd received a reply, and to know that people are concerned for you. Really, talking to someone - whether your doctor or your partner, or both - is the best possible thing you can do. I hope you start to improve soon. This is a real roller-coaster ride of pain we're all on here. Take care.

  • Thank you so much for replying. I have been to my doctors several times. She is fully aware of how I feel.

    As for medication I'm taking tramadol, amitriptyline 50mg, pregabalin 150mg (I have only been on pregabalin 2days)0. citalopram 40mg and versatis plasters. My partner understands a bit, I have talked to him and he says he wants to be with me and understand I have to live with the pain. But I'm so scared I am holding him back and he will leave me. I hope you are ok

  • The prey may well help, but as you say, it's early days. Perhaps get your partner to read this site too... My husband said it helped him put things in perspective.

    Thinking and rooting for you!

  • I wish there was a answer that would help,I myself have lost my partner after 37 years although it wasn't just me being in chronic pain it had a lot to do with it. The only advice I would give is try and not take it out on your nearest I didn't realise how much it affects them to,you rely on them as there your partner and you take it out on them being crabbit,tired,angry,not sleeping,and more .TEll them your worried you are going to lose them and it's not you it's the pain that's causing it and you need them to help you fight it,hope they understand good luck. Grumpygrampa

  • I have a chronic pain condition and recently started using Pregabalin as well and it has really helped. Good luck and keep strong! Your Partner will understand If you talk to them.

  • Hi Jess,just read your post,felt like you were speaking for me,pain is sending me close to the edge too and I have been with my husband for 26 years, 24 of them in chronic pain,so I truely understand where you are at, I'm menapausal now which isn't helping my mood.But talking together is a powerful thing,we have had couple counseling and it really helped having a third person,so don't know if this could be an option for you and your partner,me and my husband are very polite non argumentative people so when I do want to scream and shout when pain is ripping through me I can't because it will upset him,can you find a place to be on your own and let some frustration out,I'm trying to find a retreat room out of the house so I can just stop the guilt,mental torture that seems to come along when suffering from chronic pain,and as many of us say it can't be seen.Also have you tried the TENs machines,mine is 20 years old and it really helps take pain down a notch,I found a make that's nearly as good as my one,a lot of the digital new ones aren't great,but the 1st choice plus tens is non digital just simple manual controls.I know when pain is widespread it's so all consuming,it's bloody awful,so thanks for being so truthful,think I'm going to have to get some help too,so your post has made me feel a little less insane,tell us how you get on with pregabalin,thinking of you

    Warm wishes

    Wendy

  • Sweetheart, there are other and more powerful medicines out there. You should tell your pain doctor that this course of treatment just isn't touching the pain. If they don't listen you may have to find another pain specialist. I know how you feel about the future with your partner. I was married for 24 year's and 16 of those were with chronic pain for a few different health issue's. He found someone else and left me in the dust. While I hope this doesn't happen with you, just remember you deserve someone to be there in good times as well as bad. It's tough but life is tough. Hang in there honey and please talk to your doctor and if he's unwilling to listen find another, it's your life and know one knows how much you suffer but your doctor should be compassionate and helpful. Hope this helps and that thing's work out well for you. xxxx Mitzi

  • Question are you getting enough sleep? Do you need to have a nap during the day to make up for the loss of sleep at night?

    There is a relationship between over contracted muscles and pain. There is a relationship between getting enough sleep and the ability of muscles to function well.

    There is something which I call a stress breakdown point. Stress experienced below the stress breakdown point does not prevent you from functioning. Stress experienced above the stress breakdown point causes collapse.

    It is the little things that matter. You can do something about the little things that cause little stress and by eliminating these you can remove your total stress experienced to be below the stress breakdown point.

    To discover the stresses that you can deal with requires the development of observation skills such as mindfulness. There are various Buddhist groups which teach this for very low cost as mindfulness is part of of the Buddhist religion. Meditation is also of use, but is best done with a group of people who understand the need for good posture. Good posture can make a lot of difference to the amount of pain you can experience.

    Alexander Teachers can enable you to become aware of how much posture effects pain experienced and how much posture influences the way you think.

    Hope this helps.

  • Thank you so much for your replies today has been a bad day but your messages have helped. I am finding the side effects of starting on pregabalin not pleasant and I feel like I am on an emotional roller-coaster, I hope tomorrow will be a better day and I will reply to your messages then. Thank you again x

  • Hi Angel

    I'm sorry you are in this state, have you ever been taught to breath through the pain? I do tai chi and one of the 1st things we are taught is to control our breathing, once you've learnt it you can use it in any situation to become in control even bringing your bp down!!

    Take a long slow breath in through your nose

    Hold the breath in for a count of 3

    Breath out slowly through your mouth

    Repeat it 5 times

    I promise you it will help you control the pain and control the panic attacks.

    I also have a poem i send to people who are in need of comfort and support and you could really do with some devine intervention!!

    When angels sense you need them

    And angels always do

    They come unseen from everywhere

    To help and comfort you

    They hover close beside you

    Till all your fears are gone

    Till they sense you're ready

    Once again to carry on

    Then some will fly away

    And take there love

    To others who are in need

    Of angels very much

    But one at least stays with you

    As your comfort and your guide

    As angels never leave you

    They are always by your side!!

    Print it out and put it where you'll get most comfort from it

    Take care, gentle hugs and angel blessings XX00XX

  • Hi Angel

    I'm sorry you are in this state, have you ever been taught to breath through the pain? I do tai chi and one of the 1st things we are taught is to control our breathing, once you've learnt it you can use it in any situation to become in control even bringing your bp down!!

    Take a long slow breath in through your nose

    Hold the breath in for a count of 3

    Breath out slowly through your mouth

    Repeat it 5 times

    I promise you it will help you control the pain and control the panic attacks.

    I also have a poem i send to people who are in need of comfort and support and you could really do with some devine intervention!!

    When angels sense you need them

    And angels always do

    They come unseen from everywhere

    To help and comfort you

    They hover close beside you

    Till all your fears are gone

    Till they sense you're ready

    Once again to carry on

    Then some will fly away

    And take there love

    To others who are in need

    Of angels very much

    But one at least stays with you

    As your comfort and your guide

    As angels never leave you

    They are always by your side!!

    Print it out and put it where you'll get most comfort from it

    Take care, gentle hugs and angel blessings XX00XX

  • Great piece of advice, mitzymoo' and I would like to add that breathing and control of it, does so many things like distraction and lifting you away from the thought of the pain (or at least focusing on it too much) but the greatest thing is learning to relax and that stops the tensing of the muscles which makes the pain worsen, and the tools for handling the worst of the pain is good pain meds, and if you get that it helps to lift your whole demeanour which comes from living your life battling pain for so long.

    Best of luck jess1984, if you have a good person beside you then believe me the pain can be a hell of a lot worse without them, so curb your frustrations a little around them best for the coming year.

  • After a very bad night of talking to my partner to get him to understand it ended up with me self harming and taking myself to the hospital as I was so scared of what I will do and that I was in so much pain but as the hospital is a small one there was only nurses on duty they talked to me was going to call an ambulance but kept asking me of anyone could get me I said I didn't want any as my partner don't understand and don't want to worry my parents. In the end the nurse called my partner who come and got me and at first he got upset and then told me I was using my pain as an excuse but really I'm messed up in the head. The pain is real. Today I met with my best friend who I talked to which felt good how she just listened but it also upset her. I am going back to doctors tomorrow. I'm sorry this is a depressing post but feel I can be myself messaging on here. X

  • Oh Jess,I've been there myself,thank goodness you had the courage to get to the hospital,did they give you any advice on who you could talked to,pain concern have a helpline number which I'm going to phone tomorrow as I am feeling rather overwhelmed as well with pain,the pregabalin does take a week to kick in,I used it a long time ago but side effects of weight gain I had to stop.Please keep talking to people,can you ask your dr if you could do a residential pain management course,they are run all over the country and you meet others that are suffering chronic pain,and the health teams are there to help.We often suffer beyond what anyone could imagine.I'm listening to a cd again by Jon Kabat Zinn,mindfulness meditations for pain relief,he's got the most amazing calming voice and he talks you through the practices,also a lot on utube about his work,may help.I'm sorry your partner said those words,it's just so hard when pain can't be seen, I use a mobility scooter now because walking is so painfully with my hypermobile knee ligaments,but when I'm with most of my friends I have to hide the agony,but your partner must see it in your face,can you talk with the Samaritans as well,just try and not shut down from people.One exercise the pain management team did with friends and family group was to ask everyone,except us,to stand up,and bend their knees slightly downwards so they could feel the thigh muscles pull,they were ask to stay in this position until it was too uncomfortable to bare,this was to show what living with chronic pain is like,except we don't have the choice to stop it.I use this with people now who don't want or criticize me when they can't see it,try it with your partner.

    Thinking of you

    Wendy

  • Hello, so sorry for not responding sooner to your caring responses. I am now feeling more positive my gp changed my anti depressants although I am still in pain and sent a second letter to the bath hospital which specialises in pain management saying it was urgent. I got the phone call yesterday and it have my assessment tomorrow.

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