I want to run away

Problem is I can barely walk. Anyway running away wouldn't stop the daily pain.

I am lucky I have really good friends, but I really can't get them to understand this pain. One friend said 'it's always something or other with you, something different everyday'

I understand her frustration, but she doesn't seem to realise how incredibly frustrating this is for me. I have had several injuries, all of which have left me with daily pain and nerve damage. The nerve damage manifests itself in different ways each and every day.

There is no escape.

Now the pain I have suffered for the last 13 years has just increased. Arthritis is setting in on my knees. I have had to use a crutch to get around for almost 2 years now. My base pain has just shot up and it's commanding me everyday and demanding so much of my energy. I have little energy left to do anything.

They say 'misery loves company' well my pain now has depression & anxiety to keep it company. I have tried to accept & adapt to the restrictions on my life due to pain & depression. But it's getting harder everyday. I have lightening strikes in my head; a burning/stabbing pain in my shoulder; have had a migraine for 10 days now; I cannot sit, stand or lie down without distressing pain in several areas of my body.

So, I want to run away. Sorry for the rant, but I have had enough of trying to explain, to people who can't or won't understand, how all these chronic pains affect my daily life, nevermind theirs.

Hope you're all having a better day. Take care. Catherine.

20 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi Catherine. I am afraid as you have discovered you cannot get "outsiders" to understand pain. Fortunately the majority have no concept of what living in chronic pain and fatigue is like.

    Welcome to the place where ranting is fine and understood by us all.

    Regards Rib

  • Thanks Rib.

  • Catherine have you been to a pain clinic to try and get the best treatments for your pain problems?

  • Thanks P1pp1ns,

    Unfortunately I have. I have been treated by a pain management physio, who discharged me after 6 months, as I was having so many acute pain episodes, they couldn't progress the pain management treatment.

    I have also just been discharged from a pain clinic psychologist, she was pleased with my progress. But having discussed the intense 12 week pain management course, decided the nature of my chronic & acute episodes were not compatible with the aims of the course.

    Basically it's back to: do the best you can, accept the limitations & get on with it.

    I would recommend the pain clinic though. It does provide you with good coping skills. And as we all know, there is no cure.

    Cheers.

  • Hi there Catherine,

    I'm sorry to hear about your terrible pain that you are suffering from, I think that your friends are being very unhelpful to tell you, there is always something wrong with you, it's not as if you, 1, don't already know you have these ongoing issues & 2, could do with their support not their critism. Unfortunately some of our so called "friends" think that saying this sort of thing is helpful in some way.... I also think that unless like everyone on this site or other chronic pain sufferers, no one has an understanding of what real chronic pain does to ones personality or life in general.

    I fully understand how you are feeling as, I too am going through the same sort of personal issues with certain friends and family concerning my pain issues and feel very alone and not understood at all.

    Sending you lots of big hugs and hope tomorrow is a better day

    Best wishes, Valerie x

  • Cheers Valerie,

    I am just having a crappy few days. One side of my brain knows this will pass. But the other side is all emotional & seems to forget the better days. Thanks for the support.

    Take care.

  • I know what you mean... Thankfully I have had a very good day today, I've spent last night & all today with a very very understanding dear friend and her family so I've had a nice break. I'm back home tonight & know tomorrow could be a whole different kettle of fish.... I tend to take each day as it comes now and try my very hardest to forgot the bad ones! Take care & stay in touch, it's nice to talk to real people that get where you are coming from.

    Be safe xx

  • I can totally agree with your comments if you leg was in plaster everyone would be saying are you ok, on top of chronic pain I suffer chronic depression pain related, it's a viscous circle, pain = depression, depression increases pain and so on, I sometimes feel like walking away ( if I could without pain that is), but you have to carry on regardless, got everything off my chest now thanks all, hope you are all getting by one way and another

  • Wish I could help. I do know about friends and family not understanding.....I end up feeling guilty if I talk about my pains.....so I try not to, which is difficult at times :x But, luckily this site has helped me a lot - knowing there are many others out there with the same ailments, and frustrations, and that we all seem to understand each other is a blessing :) You take care and rant as much as you like :) :) :) :)

  • Thanks Louisiana,

    I know exactly what you mean. If you talk about your pain, they tell you that's all you talk about. But when you don't talk about it they think you're cured!

    It's is good to have a place to rant & not be judged.

    Cheers.

  • Hi, I can completely understand. I go thru same thing myself. Everyday. I can't sit for long without getting pain. I have tried everything, spent a fortune on trying different cushions etc. I would like to run away from all of it !! I started hydrotherapy last week ( this helped me before when I was younger ) now I have lots of different probs , all painful, so don't know if it will work this time, but willing to try anything. It's not easy when u have several health issues . I wish u luck in getting some relief !

    Rosie x

  • Thanks Rosie,

    I think I needed to vent. As the others have said only people wo have CP, and live with daily pain, can really understand how we feel. Thanks for the support.

    Take care, Catherine.

  • I too find hydrotherapy really helps. I wouldn't be without it now.

    I know what you mean about other people. If they aren't experiencing the same pain they will never understand it, or the possible need to talk about it, and anything you do say can easily be misunderstood.

    I was born with a bone deformity, and after enduring several ops and lots of pain throughout my life, i learnt from a very, very early age, primary school i believe, that it wasnt worth telling anyone how I felt as either no one listened, or they didnt want to!

    Its not nice but its no good stressing yourself out more, as it wont change someone.

    I have dealt with it throughout my life by thinking, maybe they have problems too, but they just dont want to talk.

    Its not a solution I know, but its just a way of coping.

    Take care xx

  • Dear fibro,

    I have had hydrotherapy, it was 7 years ago and it did help. Much of my pain now is neurological & is constant. But I know I will have better days.

    Good luck with the hydrotherapy (I loved they way it made me feel so light - until I was hauling myself out LOL)

    Take care.

  • Hi Catmag. Sorry that it is going so badly at the moment, and yes it can be impossible to get yiour feelings across to other people - and sometimes you never will manage that because of the way they are programmed.

    Have you ever noticed how some folk need to compete for attention through illness, so that if you try to jsut say that (eg) you're not going out because it's a bad day for you, they will come back with how terribly busy/committed they are and they have this and that wrong and they wish they could just sit back and wallow in a week off to get better !!! Smile now , for I can hear you have someone like that in your life - probably the person who said "misery..."

    My lovely counsellor, now my friend, is the best person who 'treated' me and helped me draw lines, so to speak. I persevered far too long trying to keep to the maximum mobility possible and resented every loss of function and lifechoices,. I hated the idea of using a stick, then two, then crutches were impossible, then I became housebound. She talked me through, and out of the house in a wheelchair. Although life is up and down I have started building a new social life and I don't mention pain at all to people, (I suspect the chair intimidates folk not to pry :) However, the point I'm waffling to make is that new friends will accept you As You Are and not how they remember you from the past.

    Everyone here knows what you are going through and I promise you that you will be being sent sincere thoughts and hopes that your days will improve as much as the fates will allow. Keep going xxx

  • Thanks. I know thre will be better days. Like you I am resisting becoming too reliant on my crutch(es). I feel like giving in is giving up. But realistically, I can't get about without them.

    Take care, Catherine.

  • Catherine you don't need a friend like that if she is so negative. I would love to have a support group around me but have had the same issues with differant people so I got rid of the negativity and it feels a lot better knowing that you don't have to lie to anyone how you actually feel . It's hard but good and in the end if they really are a good friend they will come back into your life when the time is right.

    I just met a neighbour who said she would be there for me to rant and rave on about anything I want and the best thing is is that she's a nurse and completely understands my pain and gets why I feel crapy some days more than others and that feels really good to no I have her to talk to now. It's been a long time for me to feel that I don't want to run away (if I could).

    You'll get there my friend and just remember we are all here to help you through these bad times as well as the good. Vent away and get rid of that migraine ......

  • Thanks Chawner,

    Oh to get rid of this migraine! The worst migraine I've had lasted a month I was banging my head off the wall. So only another 19 days to go.

    Take care.

  • Sending you a hug (a gentle one that won't hurt), from one who understands when you say you want to run away and who shares the triple whammy of pain, migraine and depression.

  • Isn't it horrid! But it will get better, before it gets worse again!

    It's hard to be positive, but we alwell get better days. So it's always something to look forward to.

    Keep drinking the tea, it'll go with the cake I eat.

    Cheers, Catherine.

You may also like...