Chemotherapy fears

[LjcL]

About to start chemotherapy. Never been so scared. Feel as if life as I know it is About to change. I just want my 1 year old daughter to be happy and never go through what I am going through right now.

[wendydee]

Good Luck! I'm sure you're imagining the worst and it may not be as bad as you fear. There are so many women on here who have been through it, who will give you a much more informative answer than I can (although I didn't have chemo, I only had an op).

From my experience of working with children, you will find your daughter will be very resilient, if you appear as calm as you can and give her loads of cuddles. The cuddles will help you, too, I'm sure.

Not much help, really, am I? I just wanted you to know that there are lot of us who will be there when you want to say "HELP!" or "What?" or "Why?" Remember ....often the waiting time is the worst. Yes, life as you know it will change, but the changes, although scary sometimes, can be oddly illuminating. You will possibly discover you have unknown strengths All the best

Love, Wendy xx

[Hidden]

hi, im sure you are scared. Its a worrying time but honestly its not as terrible as your probably imagining. not saying its easy because it isnt but i finished my chemo at the end of may and looking back it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. it was every three weeks and two out of those three you wouldnt have even thought there was anything wrong as i felt fine! The week after the chemo i would describe as an awful hangover!

good luck and just take care of yourself. rest when you need to and just ride the few days post chemo out. they soon pass and im sure your little girl will cheer u up, lots of love, xxx

[LjcL]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I start this morning and I think it is fear of the unknown and I always imagine the worse. It's so hard that one minute you have a normal life and the next you are recovering from a major op, told you have cancer and can't have any more children. I know I am so lucky to have one but in the space of 4 weeks my life has been changed so much. I also feel so sad for the pain caused to my hubby and family. I just hope I can be as strong as the women on this site.

[charlie12]

Hi there LjcL

I just want to echo what the ladies above said ,that it is perfectly natural to be terrified, particularly when it all happened so quickly. Getting over a major operation is hard at the best of times, let alone this. You sound like a very strong lady to me !

Try to be really really good to yourself over the next few months and do please use every resource available to you e.g. any professional emotional support and/or complimentary therapies where you are having your treatment.

You will get through this,honestly waiting around and the fear of the unknown are the very worst of all. Treatment itself and the management of side effects is improving all the time.

You have also found a brilliant resource in Ovacome, everybody has been through many of the issues you are dealing with. I spoke to Ruth, the Support Nurse on a number of occasions and she was absolutely wonderful.

Sending you a big hug and let us know how you get on

Charlie xx

[Hidden]

Good Luck with your chemo, I was like you so scared just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me!! never thought I would ever get to have chemo in my life but hey!!

As it turned out it was not that bad, first cycle didnt affect me WOW.

The rest of the five just made me tired for about 3/4 days after Id had them, then I picked up and got on with what I always did life was back to "Normal" till the next one.

Just dont push to hard, rest if you have to, and all of us are here for you if you need us.

Take care x

[nikki9]

i do understand how sscared you must be, finished my chemo 5 weeks ago out of the six sessions, two i was absolutely fine the others felt tired and a bit sick but was given tablets for the sickness, just rest and do what you feel like doing. good luck nikkixx

[Lizneild]

I do hope it is going well. My own experience is different from the others here. I am up to no.3 and had to admit my self to the Acute Assessment Unit last time. I dread my chemo weeks. Having said that there are the two lovely weeks in between and I always plan something special for myself during those. And I remind myself that after the last chemo it will be good like that all the time.

There are always silver linings in the worst of times. Mine are my children. They take time off work. As they put it they "play the cancer card".They never let me be alone with it and their care is perfectly tuned. When I thanked one of my daughters last time she said. "You looked after me Mum. What goes around comes around. It's what families are for." So look at your little one and remind yourself you are doing this for her, so she may have the love of a strong family to grow up in.When they are little we know we will do anything for them. And then they grow up and it can be a surprise to find it works the other way around. Have a strong recovery and a good life, Liz

[moominkat]

Hi, I hope today went ok for you. I had my 3rd round yesterday, all went smoothly until the final 12 mls of the carboplatin when I had a burning sensation in the cannula area and it went into my knuckles, so they decided to stop and not flush afterwards in case it exacerbated things...they said I'd had practically all the drug so not to worry, but of course now I am as I hope this won't happen next time!! Bah. My hand has been a bit sore off and on asince then and a bit swollen - they know about it and it seems to be calming down, so hopefully I don't have to be treated. So yes, there are things to worry about. My experience has shown me that it goes better if i'm not stressed, they can find a vein, I snooze, I watch a movie on my laptop, I drink, I eat. i can't read yet, I find that exhausting. I find i feel tired and achey for about 10 days after the chemo, as described above it is like the worst and longest hangover! I also have diarrhea and nausea (the pills work!) But drinks loads, eat what you fancy, rest, and try to take a brisk walk every day, if you can bear it or a stroll if not, It's so important to get some exercise and not develop cabin fever. Especially if, like me, you had the hugely invasive operation, that takes some getting over, but you will. Plan treats for the good days - a movie, a play, exhibition, trip to a nice place - whatever tempts you and your family. And good luck. xxxx

[LjcL]

Thank you all for your comments. It is so helpful to know about everyone's different experiences. It went ok yesterday, helped by having shifts with my mum and hubby. The carboplatin was a bit sore but they slowed the drip down. I feel ok at the moment but it feels a bit like a waiting game to see what happens next. I'm in the middle of arranging a big first birthday party for my daughter on Saturday which is probably bad timing but I can always sit in a corner somewhere whilst everyone entertains themselves.

Yesterday I still couldn't help but look around me and think what am I doing here. Just over a month ago I was "normal" it's just so overwhelming. I cant even imagine the future beyond this treatment. Did anyone go back to work during chemotherapy? I was told that I could but seems to me you don't have a very long time in which you feel ok.

Thank you again for all your comments you have no idea how much they have helped me.

[Hidden in reply to LjcL]

WELL DONE LjcL.

I chose not to go back to work, but know of ladies that did, its all down to you and how you feel you will know if you can do it or not, just give it time.

Hope the party go's with a "SWING" on Sat for you and your daughter, and yes if you are tired the corner is always there for you.LOL.

Take care. x

[clare2501 in reply to LjcL]

Hiya

I started my first round of chemo last week and was in hospital for 5 days. My main issues were feeling nausea and holding water. By day 3 i looked like a marshmallow man but they always have some treatment to help another treatment so I soon lost all of the water. On my treatment I have to have 2 hours of saline a day as well, hence I came out over a stone heavier. I found the steroids can mess with your emotions a bit as well so you might find you get a bit teary and upset, it soon passes. I had 4 cannulas fitted in hospital my poor hands are in need of a good rest .I can;t believe how many people are going through similar experiences on this website, you only become more aware once youve got it x anytime you wanna talk let me know

[wendydee]

Hi LjcL

You have stared off on the journey now and everything else is a continuing story. You will cope, especially with the help of a good family to support you. I know what you mean about life changing. It does change but not always for the worse... you will see, I'm sure. Only think about going back to work if you really feel like it. There is a load of advice about working, support and finance on the Macmillan website and there are Macmillan nurses who deal with work and finance issues. They are not only there for palliative care. I'm a patient rep on a "survivorship" (horrible word!) group in my county and they are all very keen to support women going through treatment and afterwards. However, that's for later on probably.

Anyway, well done! You're through the first one. Enjoy watching your daughter's fun on Saturday, even if you may not exactly lead the conga!

And well done.....

Love, Wendy xx