I wrote this one day when I was feeling angry

THE THIEF IN THE NIGHT

Like a thief in the night you came to me.

Invading my body, making me weak and

filling me with self doubt through your

elusiveness.

Like a thief in the night you robbed me of

my womanhood and sexuality.

Leaving me grieving and wondering

who will want me now?

Like a thief in the night you hide in the

dark recesses and now treatment is done

you’re still here when all I want is you gone

and my life back to normal.

62 Replies

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  • Dear ScardyCat,

    What a poignant poem.....I am sure, we have all felt like that at some stage..... grief comes in different guises, and it comes and goes....that is why this site is so helpful...we understand each other, and we are all sad at the moment with the loss of lovely Lizzie.... a friend of mine also died of OC (last Tuesday) and I go to her funeral on Thursday.

    Love x G x

  • I'm sorry to hear this but I was so moved my Lizzie's poem I thought I'd share mine

  • I'm so glad you shared that with us. You have a good way with words. We are all feeling very sad about Lizzie right now. She was such an important person to so many of us on this site

    Love Wendy xx

  • Hi ScardyCat

    I wonder if you could post your lovely poem on the poem blog? ...I am trying to keep all poems together with minimal comments... so they might be easier to read without interruptions your poem is so lovely...

    Thank you love x G x

  • ScardyCat,

    I think with all the talent on this site, we could combine skills and get a book written and give the proceeds to Ovacome, have you written anymore poems?

    (just a thought). Love x G x

  • No but Eleni has

  • Thats a beautiful and powerful poem. It's tragic that the inspiration came from such appalling circumstances but I hope that it at least served as an effective outlet for you.

    Linda

  • I was moved by your poem! Losing Lizzie has made me sad, especially as she was stil posting a couple of days before she died. I shall look again at my poems. Ido not usually share them as that is where I pour out all my negative thoughts!

    The dea of a book to raise money for O C charities, especially Ovacome, is a good one. What we need to do is set up a blog or co.ntributions.

    Margaret

  • Hi Margaret,

    Thank you for your contribution... I think it is a brilliant idea to set up a blog..... and great to know you already have poems....looking forward to reading them.... I don't know about you... but I don't think we should be selective (see comments below)...I feel all contributions are valid good or bad..someone would relate to them at some point and there will always be some that won't...( or am I being too simplistic?? )

    ..anyway food for thought...

    Love x Gwyneth x

  • Oh it is not the thought of upsetting others it is just that I have used verse all my life to purge my negative feelings and some I do not even re-read myself, they just recall very painful episodes. I use verse to package my negativity and store it away! My way of dealing with things! If I can find something it is not too painful to share I will use it to start a blog but, meanwhile, if anyone else feels ready then please start one that we can all contribute to. Jokes and short prose pieces could be acceptable too!

    I will volunteer to collect them in a folder and edit them. I am not sure if this site has a facility for circulating an email with attachments. I do not "tweet" but I think I did register a blog some time ago. I will look into the practicalities. If contributors did not mind sharing any proceeds with Target Ovarian Cancer I think we might be able to get help with publication there.

    I am not familiar with internet publishing but I will look into it! This is just the kind of project I need to keep myself from brooding on how soon the b****r is coming back!

    Margaret

  • Thanks Margaret

    Obviously... they would only be the ones that people are willing to share....I have already started a blog... but haven't got a clue how to move things forward..haha...but first things first we need the material..... Then over to others. X G X

  • Makes 2 of us! MA in CAL and still big gaps in my IT abilities!

  • That is really great, Margaret. So generous .....or brave? Foolhardy ? ;-) of you. Will read with interest, but we need a dedicated thread or blog to store everything, don't we?

  • See my addition below! I think individuals will be able to input their own contributions!

  • Its funny how our feelings are all the same. The loss of lizzie has affected us all. She is really going to be missed!!

    I have been thinking about her all weekend. And im so sad right now. I am angry at this godamn disease. I want to scream and shout. It is so damaging in so many different ways. Even when in remission it continues to damage and hurt us.

    X x

  • Yes I feel the same...so sad about Lizzie...and just so angry and also a feeling of loneliness....and that those around us just can't have the faintest idea how we are feeling...and I feel angry about that...street party outside and all i want to do is scream at them!!!

    Poetry a good idea:

    Damn disease

    Home wrecker

    Sour taster

    Silence maker

    Oh we're so strong

    What bollocks

    No choice

    Impending bloods

    Wait for consultants

    Their Wisdom

    Our bodies

    Delicious chemo

    Posoinous cocktail

    Blank mind for days

    Damn disease

    Silence maker!

  • Just want to send you a big hug florence. X x x

  • Hi all

    It's the librarian again with some comments on the book idea.

    I think the idea of providing a medium for sharing our creative writing is a great one but I'm less convinced about its money making potential, or at least the return that we could expect for the effort that would be involved.

    Some questions occur to me:

    Editorial control - would anything and everything be accepted or would we want some arbitration (by whom?) on quality?

    Hard copy or electronic? Both raise issues and different sets of logistics. E publishing might be more doable. Anyone out there have direct experience? I don't, although I do have some contacts.

    Marketing - how would we reach beyond our own "echo chamber" and immediate communities?

    If we were going to do this my view would be that we should aim for the highest possible standard but it would take a lot of commitment.

    Anyway, that's my two ha'pence worth for anyone who's interested.

    Linda

  • Perhaps we could collaborate on this Linda!

    I have some experience of writing and links to other communities, a lifelong activist in NUT and a paid official for 2 other unions may give me access to a wider audience.

    I read a book version of a blog called "cancer giggles" written by a cancer sufferer and published by his wife. He died a couple of year ago but It was given to me by a friend shortly after my diagnosis and lifted my spirits. It made me feel that, while this damned disease may be going to kill me it sure as hell is not going to defeat me! I feel that Lizie shared that feeling, she always raised my spirits and I would like to be part of this as a tribute to her and others like her!

    I will explore internet publishing via my technoweenie daughter and find out as much as I can. Do you know anything about it? My former creative writing teacher may know more, I know she is involved in a small publishing house.

    I have a collection of emails that I have sent to friends and family to keep them abreast of my progress.

    Margaret

  • Great idea, Margaret! I have some experience of writing and editing (proof-reading, etc). So, if I can help in any way....... not too good at tecchie stuff though!

    Wendy xx

  • I so much agree here. Just reading through the post that Jan started about Lizzie, has brought tears to my cheeks, and I don't cry very often ........ so many wonderful comments and so touching to read Lizzie's poem. She would be flattered to think of the way she has touched so many of our lives. I think the idea of a poetry book is great, I agree that it should be aimed at the highest standard, especially if we are selling it to raise funds for Ovacome. It would be a fitting tribute to Lizzie's Legacy! I write poetry too, just for my amusement, never published or anything. I have done since I visited Belsen in 1959 and was so moved at the age of 9 by the memorial mounds there. I have always found it has helped me to make sense of things that often have no sense to them and helps me through many tricky moments. I'd love to contribute.

    Love Wendy xx

  • Hi Wendy,

    Thank you for your input, it is great that you have poems to contribute....

    perhaps you could have a think on how we should go about it?? I' have had the idea, but no idea on how to go about it ....haha.....HELP!!

    You usually have good suggestions and maybe as Linda said there might be an expert lurking somewhere who knows??

    Love x Gwyneth x

  • See my posts above Gwyn!

  • That's great Margaret ...I replied to your other post above before I saw this... But over to you pleeese :-) :-) x G x

  • Hi Linda

    Thank you...for your comments and suggestions (about a book)... yes it does take a lot of thought / effort / know how ... but if you could pick people's brains?

    ......I wasn't thinking of anything near as grand...... I was only thinking of the people on this site....considering the amount of people that reply to people on here....forty --fifty?? which in itself could raise some money and however good or not the poems are...they are after all private thoughts written down and shouldn't in my view be open to criticism... there is always someone who could identify with the way one feels at any given time (so no marking) just simply us.

    Love to you all x Gwyneth x

  • I'm just back from a parkrun I wore one of my ovarian cancer survivor t-shirts in memory of Lizzy. Its says 'Fight Like a Girl' but really it should read 'Fight Like a Woman'

  • "Fight Like a Girl " sounds good to me lol well done :-) :-) :-) special faces taught by Lizzie.... how can I forget? ( didn't know how to do them before )

    :-) :-) :-) :-) I'm on a roll haha :-) :-) :-)

    Love x G x

  • Likewise 3am one sleepless night blogging and learing smiley faces,I miss Lizzie so much and cant stop thinking about her. Love Sue x

  • No girls on here! All women! If we had not grown up before we got it this bloody disease makes one grow up fast.

    Know why women are more vicious fighters than men? No one told us about the Marquess of queensbury rules! If they had I would have spat at the uneducated old bigot anyway! Believe me when girls have playground fights they are more vicious and harder to separate than any boys! I have seen hair fly (quite literally, with scalp attached) usually because it takes a lot for them to 'lose it' but when they do boy do they lose it!

    Margaret!

  • just heard about lizzie tears rolling down my cheeks.She was too young for all this i too wondered about her many times over the weekend and how she fought so hard, when its easy to give up she never did give up even when no real hope given to her please who ever made us and this world take care of her and her family now love to all of you at this very sad time Jenny xxxxx

  • Dear Jenny

    Yes we are all upset over Lizzie.... I don't know whether you have seen her husband's blog ... but most of us have left condolences on there as he might not see it on here... hope you don't mind me pointing this out.

    Best wishes x G x

  • Dear Scardycat

    Very well put.I certainly know how you feel.

    Juliex

  • I looked at Lizzie's profile and photo again and I wept for her family! She was so beautiful and so young and she was so determined not to let the B beat her, right up to the end. She was an inspiration and a lesson that this thing may kill us but it does not have to take away what is left of our lives. She is the same age as my son and I shall miss her woefully but be glad that I have 'known' her even if only in this virtual world.

  • I too can't believe that Lizzie won't be with us anymore. She was a beautiful, inspirational woman and I shall miss her wisdom deeply.

    the book sounds like a good idea. As scardy cat says, I've written loads of poems...not all good but here's one you all may like to read. It seems to signify the importance of this forum right at this moment...

    Eleni x

    The weight of diagnosis

    Is heavy for me to carry

    The words Malignancy, surgery, tumour

    Should not belong to me

    I am Helen

    Feisty, organised and strong

    Generous and Thoughtful

    Who moves rushing along

    The clinicians quote statistics

    And show me scans on a screen

    They talk to me but my ears don’t hear

    My brain fears what they mean

    But I am strong, I’ll deal with this

    Don’t they know I am a fighter?!

    I rally my friends and share those words

    I can cope if the weight is lighter.

  • Dear Eleni

    Lovely poem...I wonder if you could post this on the poem blog as well? as trying to have a blog with just poems and minimal comments so they would flow easier... and of course any other poems you would like to share, thank you love x G x

  • Dear ScardyCat

    I too was moved by your poem. I am not particularly good with words but parts of your poem are exactly how I feel. I think we are all feeling a bit vunerable since hearing about lovely Lizzie. I hope it helped to disperse your anger for a while.

    Love Chris x x

  • Dear Eleni

    Another poem that we can all relate to. So many talented and wise women on this forum.

    Love Chris x x

  • That is 3 poems so far! I am going to copy and paste them into a word file tomorrow! Ipad makes me lazy so I shall put in a session on the PC and then explore making the file available to everyone on this site via the net. I have never really got to grips with my blog but we could set up some sort of memorial donation, i will ask my kids, they both raise money for charities using the web!

    Lizzie was an inspiration and I for one want to ark that somehow!

    Can we make Jan aware of this thread?

    Margaret!

  • Margaret you could set up a justgiving page. Assuming you want the money to go to ovacome. There is a link o the main ovacome site

  • Scaredycat!

    You give no details on your profile but your pic makes you look young enough to be my grand daughter! It is for young women like you that I want to make a loud noise! I am about to contact every large store in York and the surrounding area with a view to publicising the symptoms to their staff. Target O C has great materials and I want young women to go early so that they have a better chance!

  • I'm 42 trouble is the NICE guidelines say you have to be over 50. I don't think age has anything to do with it really I didn't start getting symptoms until I was Stage 4

  • It is shitty isn't it! You are the same age as my daughter! It is easy for me to be 'positive' I might not have had all that long anyway! You are entitled to more! If my daughtervdevelops this I shall scream! I cannot reject God having done so years ago!

  • It is pretty shitty but I want to live a life well lived rather than worrying about death. Lizzy was only a couple of years older than me but my cancer is low grade so its a bit like having a chronic condition although they can't really give me a prognosis because not as much is known about it.

  • Bully for you! You and me both! Good for you girl!

  • My kids seem to have done this! Kevin, my son raises money for RNLI (he helped to set up and crews Dartmouth lifeboat) and Sian did a sponsored swim at her local pool for cancer charities! Both did it through Just Giving but we would, presumably, need to clear it through Ovacome. I plan to contact Ovacome and Target Ovarian Cancer about this on Wednesday.

    Margaret!

  • Yes, indeed and a pilferer during the day. I was very moved by your words and send you good thoughts. I too have a thief in my bedroom who refuses to go.

  • My tribute to Lizzie! With some apologies to Wordsworth! I am sure his influence is palpable!

    Lizzie died, and I am angry!

    Lizzie died and I am sad!

    Lizzie died, I only knew her,

    In the virtual world we shared.

    Lizzie died, but she inspired me!

    Lizzie died, while full of life!

    Lizzie died, and I am weeping,

    I can never know her now!

    Lizzie died, and she was lovely!

    Lizzie died, and she was great!

    Lizzie died, and I shall miss her,

    Though no meeting face to face.

    Lizzie died but still inspires me!

    Lizzie died but still she's here!

    Lizzie died but so much of her

    Is a part of us on here!

    Vale Lizzie, your spirit lives on in us!

    Margaret!

  • Hear, hear Margaret, she has touched so many lives, I could only give her cyber hugs !! Love Sue

  • Me too!

    M

  • Thankyou Margaret

    With love Suex

  • Margaret

    I know you are going to post this lovely tribute on the poem blog, so I am thanking you in advance x G x

  • Thank you! It needs a little tidying up and I am off to a party this afternoon!

    Margaret!

  • Margaret

    Enjoy :-) :-) :-) x G x

  • Ate some things I have been avoiding for ages and now cannot sleep! Feel slightly nauseous and, as I was driving I only drank water so it has to be what I ate. Rich dips & chilli con carne obviously do not agree with me after my fresh fruit and veg oriented diet! Serves me right for deviating from the paths of righteousness! LOL!

  • well done.... i havent stopped thinking about lizzie since i found out she had passed away... It has made me fearful! I know i shouldnt let the fear take hold of me, But if any one deserved to win her battle it was lizzie... May she rest in pease and always be remembered..

    love suzanne

    xxxx

  • I am a great fan of the Romantic poets, thanks to Miss Kendrick and would have read English if only I could have passed Latin O level! Instead I read Geography! Eng Lit had a lucky escape! LOL But I still love Wordsworth, Matthew Arnolg et al!

  • Sorry not Wordsworth! I checked! Leigh Hunt! Jenny Kissed Me! I never was original! Palgreave's Treasury of English Verse has much to answer for! LOL!

  • Oh hell! That poem is really derivative! Very 'lucy'! Ah me we learn little when all is said and done but still! Vale Lizzie! A calm journey to the future of your spirit and energy, I am sure it will inspire all the consciousnesses that you touch. I do not believe in any god but the laws of physics state that noyhing is destroyed and I believe that the energy and essence that was Lizzie will continue to contribute to the good of humanity. I remember reading a John Christopher SciFi novel which was frightening about the future of humanity but, to my mind, a hope for the future of our energy! Mass is converted to energy and Lizzie's energy, to my mind, will continue to inspire me!

    Lizzie died and yet she lives!

    And that from an Atheist!

    Margaret

  • I have some info on a blog site for publishing that I am going to follow up tomorrow. It has templates that will enable us to publish poems, get a lot of visitors and set up a donations link. We may need to seek Ovacome permission to include the name in the title to encourage donations.

  • Margaret

    We have a few things going on here!!! Perhaps you could read Tweetingasme blog " Further thoughts on the anthology"... there is a discussion going on there....hope you enjoyed the party ??

    Cheers x G x

  • I know! I am alternatiung between blogs! First to copy the poems and paste them into the one blog then explore the wordpress.com site. I am told this is highly thought of and used by a lot of professionals. It is free and has templates to suit every need! I will keep contributions on this topic to Tweetinbgasme's blog "further thoughts on the anthology"

  • Sounds good Maragaret

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