Completely out of the blue, on June 9th this year my GP spoke the words Ovarian Cancer and a plan for tests. I have been experiencing all the different symptoms over the last 12 months, but because I work for the NHS on a busy Surgical Daycase Unit and we have continued to operate on patients for elective surgery through the lockdowns and being busy, I didn’t ‘join-the-dots’ so the discussion I had with the GP was like being blindsided. I have been on sick leave because I have felt so tired and unwell and I feel so lonely and isolated. I have had the CA125 blood test on 9 June and I am having an urgent ultrasound of the pelvis and abdomen on Wednesday. It’s being in limbo which is so scary and my thoughts swing from “I’m going to feel stupid when they discover that nothing is wrong” to “I don’t want to leave my family yet”
I am usually very pragmatic and don’t have silly thoughts like these, but it’s the not knowing where this initial journey will take me, through all the different processes to eventually confirm or not if I have a diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer.
Is it normal to feel like this?
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MurdochsMum
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Please don’t think your thoughts are silly, they are a natural response to a huge and as yet unknown threat. The initial diagnosis and the waiting was too much for me. I told myself it couldn’t happen to me and then it did. As you will know from your work, your GP has been really on it to think of OC and get you going on the rounds of testing and scanning that will give you a diagnosis. It may or may not be cancer…you don’t know yet so your brain goes into overdrive. You can reach out for emotional support to Macmillan or Overcome both have helplines.
We all know how you feel..ask us anything you would like to know. Hopefully it won’t be OC but if it is then you have joined the most supportive group here. Try to put your worries to one side if you can and look after yourself xx
Hello. You are not being at all silly. I think Lindy has said all that can be said at the moment. Try to distract yourself until you get your results then you can either let out a huge sigh of relief or get cracking on a plan of action. Let us know how you get on. Maria.
This was me in 2019 /20 I was in for a biopsy on Xmas eve …. What you have to remember is that you are going for tests to eliminate cancer not to find it. I am a single mum of a young boy , he was 12 then and all my scary thoughts were. Bout leaving him on his own six months later I got the all clear but every symptom I have now is scarily weird … I often wonder if they got it wrong but it made me grateful for every day of life since
It's the waiting that's the most difficult. Do what you can to speed things up...any obgyn can do an ultrasound...ct and pet scans will be more definitive. Meanwhile take care of yourself eep eat binge escapist literature and TV. Hugs from paris
Quite frankly, it would be utterly abnormal if you didn't feel like you do... the waiting is dreadful, because we're caught between, well, stark terror and fervent hope at that stage, teetering between them, or at least I was, pretty sure most others on here were too. I will just say your more negative thoughts are not 'silly' at all, we all have those, in fact my primary concern was the same, 'I don't want to leave my family'. I got through it by deciding to be pragmatic - it was whatever it was, and all my fear and hope and fretting about what it was or wasn't would make no difference either way, and just tried to keep occupied. But I had to wait nearly 7 weeks for the US, and did not actually get the diagnosis for nearly 3 months,, so quite a while of being in no man's land. Being pragmatic didn't stop the night najjers at times though, I'll admit, but somehow, we have to continue putting one foot in front of another during those days when it's hanging over us...I even asked myself did I really want to know anyway, but, well, I'd begun the process by going to the GP, and then its kind of out of your hands, isn't it...
Whatever it is or isn't, you will get through whatever's necessary to deal with it - we all do, somehow. Fingers crossed for you anyway
I agree, waiting is the worst. Once you have the info you are waiting for, it may be good news, which is great, or if the news isn't so great, you know what you're dealing with, & there will presumably be a plan. And you are not being stupid to have a range of thoughts going through your mind. As an ex nurse, I hesitated to see my gp at first, thinking he would think me a stupid nurse for worrying over nothing, & asking 'silly' questions, & thinking I would lose face in front of a dr. Now I ask those 'silly' questions whenever. Di
Try not to worry about what is “normal”. You feel what you feel in the face of devastating news. It took me a long time to even let it sink in that I had cancer. I kept thinking that the tests just had to be mistaken. I am a survivor since 2008. Praying for you!
I don't have much to add to what the other wise ladies have said, but I would like to echo the sentiment that your feelings are always valid. You have also made an excellent choice in coming to this forum for support. I'm new here after being diagnosed March 2020, and I find that no one else understands the complicated emotions as well as the complicated treatment options like those who have been or are going through it. Take care!
It’s completely normal to feel these feelings. The waiting is such an awful
phase, I’m sure that once you’re getting on with diagnosis and treatment your old pragmatic self will kick in again. Don’t feel bad if it turns out to be the all clear…..many of us have been campaigning for years and years for GPs to refer women like you for ultrasounds, blood tests, even investigative surgery. I’m a lucky survivor of almost 20 years, and I’m so glad that your symptoms are being investigated thoroughly, so that, even if it is ovarian cancer, it’s been caught early, can be treated and you’ll get through. You will get through…….you’re just at the worst part of the process right now. Good luck, and let us know how you get on. While you’re waiting for your appointments, try to keep busy: reading, music, box sets, whatever you enjoy. Don’t overthink things (it won’t make any difference to the outcome) maybe try meditation. The Headspace App allows me to clear my mind a bit. All the best xx
Thanks ladies for all your support. You are like virtual angels who are willing to share your own experiences to help people like me.I am showered and in clean clothes and trying to mentally prepare for my USS at 3:30
Clean comfortable clothes and an extra long scrub of the ‘lady garden’ in preparation for the ‘NHS Dildo’
The last few days I have been really uncomfortable and I look like I am 4 months pregnant with the bloating and the discomfort is not controlled anymore by my prescribed analgesia.
A further worry is the 6 missed calls and voicemails from my GP since 8:30 this morning and to be told that she will ring me at 9:45 tomorrow. It seems that I seem to be waiting with no end in sight.
Going to binge a box set on Netflix for a couple of hours to take my mind on not being able to have a brew , I love my Lancashire Builders brews about every hour
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Ovarian cancer diagnosis
Still awaiting CT scan 
No diagnosis yet but hopeful!
awaiting to confirm if I have cancer
