Dear all you lovely ladies and support partners....
I deliberated for many days as to whether to post or not on this amazing forum on so many occasions,since the gynaecologist oncologist found a nasty in my right ovary.Did I have ovarian cancer?The very pleasant consultant couldn't confirm either way....I was in some sort of peculiar dream as he spoke but,having seen a lovely friend suffer with the disease I knew when he said the ovary would need to be removed immediately he was concerned....he also suggested a total hysterectomy given my series of miscarriages and gynaecological fun over a 30 year period and I'm only 45!
I felt like an inflatable bouncy castle at the time of semi-diagnosis in early June....the cyst was only 6cm but,the centre was 2cm and solid and he didn't like the look of it.Well my friend, I said,I don't like the look of my belly I could be six months pregnant and every time I eat I feel full is there any need?....those are two symptoms we all know so well and in my heart I knew it was malignant and that's when I found this site.I
have often commented but,never posted. I always felt I was in such a better position than some of the extremely emotional and distressing scenarios you lovely ladies are in....I would feel like I was asking too much of you to comment on my little problems.
However,what I know now is I would have been welcome to post and share my feelings...share my broken heart at loosing all me blooming female bits,share the trauma of waiting for pathology results after you're told they need a second opinion,share the news that surgical menopause is about as much fun as a being trapped in an elevator with Donald Trump,share the news that my robotic surgery was 4 hours long and I didn't recover as well as expected and share the news that I will never be the same again because it's definitive, I will not be a mum.
I have often had questions,anxious feelings and distressing moments and I would log on to my little app and find support and comfort here.... without even posting.How amazing is that?
So ladies,I'm back at work after 3 months..I went in today for the first time.I decided even though I am an only stage 1a that I wanted to share my story and heighten awareness of this disease with as many people as I can.
I may have been incredibly lucky and only need check-ups going forward but,it still means I'm one of you and even if I hadn't had the diagnosis I know you would have been genuinely pleased, either way.
So wherever you are reading this....whoever you are...it's a huge warm thank you from me.
My life has been changed irrevocably and believe me you are all very much in my thoughts.😘🙏
Best wishes Clare X
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CJR99
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Thank you Clare. I laughed and was touched by your post. I wish you a long and happy remission. I hope that it never returns. I have posted and asked questions along the way. There are many wonderful ladies on this site who have so much knowledge and insight. I live in Australia but this disease unites us all. I am fighting my own race with this disease but for now I am feeling okay. Try to get on with your life and forget as much as you can this disease which we have shared. I believe you have probably been changed for the better and hopefully with greater insights. Much love Sharon
Dear Clare. I read your post this morning as I sat sipping a mug of hot tea (definitely not green) and your post really caught my attention. It was so full of humour, kindness and honesty. I too often read the posts and have at times posted desperate messages and they have always been answered. The ladies, husbands and families who write in these pages are such kind decent people. I can't decide whether it s problems in life that make people so compassionate or whether it truly is the good ones who are given these awful burdens.
All our experiences are valid and your 1A diagnosis is a terrible blow. But I'm delighted it was caught at this stage. I really wish for a test that could catch his dreadful disease for all of us at this more treatable stage. I know all of us on this site want that for other.
One cry that you did make about never being a mum was particularly heartfelt. I'm so lucky to have 2 children and my second came after a previous cancer diagnosis. can I recommend seeing a counsellor at your hospital to explore some of these emotions?
Hi Clare I agree with you. I have found this group of wonderful women to be such a loving, genuine, caring support group. I feel safe and not alone when I'm on here. I log on every day. I post sometimes and I respond sometimes. I'm glad you posted, and told us your story. Please feel free to post about anything. Even if you think it isn't as significant as someone else's OC experience! Every experience is significant and important. I'm so glad you have been able to go back to work so soon. I wish you all the best, and a long remission. Kim xx
I have only discovered this forum recently and I can totally endorse your comments about the wonderful people on here. I know it's a seemingly random disease but I do ponder about the amazingly ladies it chooses to visit. How I wish this forum had been around all those years ago when it landed on my shoulders (or left ovary to be precise!)
As we know it's such a lonely journey despite all the help and support from the medics, friends and family. But being able to come on here and talk to others on the same journey would have been brilliant.
Like you I was stage 1 (and very lucky I know) but in those early days before a definite diagnosis we all go through the horror of that twilight time. I can so identify with the dream world you felt like you'd entered when they start muttering 'I can't tell in your with your mass' 'Shouldnt be malignant' Yikes I never thought for a second it might😢(except in my case it was a particularly unpleasant radiographer....oh how I'd love to meet him now and kick him in the g**lies!).
Early diagnosis is the key obviously. As in both yours and my case being contained to one ovary shows that it can be more than treatable. I wonder what would help? Maybe campaigning for routine CA125 testing alongside smear testing?
I too was sad at the loss of my female bits (though at the time I didn't care what they removed to get rid of the wretched invader). But I had 2 boys and I know it would have been infinitely more difficult to deal with had I not had them and my heart goes out to you.
As the nigh on 30 years have rolled by I'm pleased (most importantly that I'm still here!) that there are fewer bits of me to cause problems and despite fearing that technically maybe I'm a man (!) I never grew a beard or developed a love of pints.
I hope all goes well on your return to work (I found it so welcoming to return to the 'normal world'). Wishing you all the very best.
Was diagnosed with stage 1 A and Dr advised mop up chemo here in Mauritius. Onco consultant in UK advised none. We finally went ahead with the chemo. Very doable so far. But emotionally I was a wreck but slowly lifting myself up. Baby steps though. My hysterectomy went well. But diagnosis was a blow though I know it’s earlt stage it’s still freaked me out. Recently 2 of my school friends passed away with breasts cancer. Anyway hoping for the best. Please keep in touch. Wish you the very best.Merry Xmas from a hot and sunny Mauritius
The replies above share many of my thoughts for you. I just add that now you are returning to work and others won't know of your inner distresses, please do commit to yourself quietly that you will be kind and compassionate to yourself from now on. You may not need more clinical treatment but I'm sure you've picked up from this site, that we all, whatever stage we are diagnosed with, need to learn how to live with this disease having happened in our body. This, in my experience (over 6 years since diagnosis) is a never ending 'work in progress'; being kind and compassionate, as well as challenging, to myself is core to enjoying the life we have.
Rosewall101 suggested a counsellor; I add Mindfulness or The Penny Brohn courses - or anything which helps you practice the skills in private time to listen to and become friends with all the inner distresses and joys we experience. I share my own 'mantra'..."Know myself, Be myself, Challenge myself, Trust myself ... from which I can Lead myself." Before cancer (BC days) my mantra was "I want to die young at an old age." It is even more relevant now.
A lovely post to read. We are all diagnosed at diff stages with different battles to fight but what i have found so inspiring on this site is the courage of all the women on this site.They tackle whatever OC throws at them. Reading all the post are so inspiring. So thank you all.
Hi Claire and welcome to our lovely gang, you're so very welcome.
Congratulations on getting diagnosed nice and early and having the surgery to remove the little barsteward. You've got a doctor who is on the ball and well done on knowing your body enough to take early action.
You obviously have a fabulous sense of humour which is really important when dealing with our disease and with life in general, you just gotta laugh sometimes, the alternative isn't ideal 😊.
I hope your return to work hasn't been too much of a culture shock, take it as easy as you can until you're back to full fighting form.
I'm so sorry you can't now be a mum but I'm sure you can be a wonderful 'auntie' and sister (you're now our sister whether you like it or not 😂). The menopause is just another delightful part of being a girl 😬, hopefully your doctor has discussed all the pro's and cons of HRT given your age?
Thank you for sharing your story with us, we are all really inquisitive so we do need to know how you're getting on so please keep us up to date. You may well be the inspiration for somebody else who has just been diagnosed.
Keep as well as you possibly can, take care of you, big hugs and love ❤️ xx Jane
Hi Clare and welcome to the sisterhood. I've only been here a short time and my journey has only just begun but I don't feel like an island anymore, thanks to all the kindness and support that I have from the sisters. I'm lucky to have children and feel the pain that you have for being without. There are no words.
Live long and make every day matter. I will be in the same place myself one day. I'm determined. But even if I only get another one or two years then I will shuffle off knowing that I made a difference, helped all of those whom I could and generally shook things up a bit.
Crikey! That's a big complement and I'm overwhelmed that you said that. Thank you so much. No-one has ever said that to me before. Mad yes, difficult yes, pain in arctic roll yes but never inspiring.....
One bit of advice I would give is that you should not demean yourself by saying you only had stage 1 cancer. Darling, it's not a contest and the fact that the doctors use numbers to put us into categories does nothing to detract from the fact that we all have or had the same thing. You are a cancer survivor and with a bit of luck and a following wind we will all cross that line too one day. Wear your teal ribbon with pride and shout from the rooftops, "I survived the beast!!!" Now, don't let me hear you say, "I only had....." again missy or else you'll be in that elevator with Mr T before you can say Obamacare.....
I am laughing at that so much, love it! It would be great if we could put Donald in a lift , press the button and send him up in the sky, never to return!
My comments were very genuine, you've been through hell bless you!I have found since I've returned to work that only certain folk who've been through tough times are happy for you to be honest...others just don't want to know.If you look okay, then you must be okay! Fortunately, I have been so well supported by my boss and HR it's made a very worrying time a little easier to cope with.
We are all on our own little journey and I promise I will logging still and I feel very much a part of this amazing group. I feel very passionately about raising awareness, especially as I have been so fortunate.
Keep the faith lovely lady! Love and best wishes Clare xx
What beautifully eloquent, warm and humorous people we have on here! Gorgeous post with great answers.
My heart goes out to you Clare and I wish you well as you emerge back into normal routine but step into a future that was different to the one you hoped for. The only blessings of this rotten disease is that I've found that life is even more precious and I really don't stress about the insignificant stuff! I hope that you have these blessings and robust, long lasting health.
Been diagnosed few months ago with stage 1 A. Still struggling to accept it. Having chemo , I live in Mauritius and had hysterectomy here and Dr suggested a mop up chemo though we sent my report to a researcher and consultant in UK who said no chemo. We decided to go ahead with the chemo. Been doable so far. But still very emotional about the whole thing. My hubby is a Dr and keeps telling the worst is over and to carry on with my life normally but it’s hard sometimes.all the best to you
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My sincerest thanks to you all
Thank you for all of your lovely supportive messages
HOW INSPIRING YOU ALL ARE - I WANT TO THANK YOU
