Next step

Day 1 - not much sleep after getting the news from gp but so many tears. We've been feeling like everything is over and yet we don't know what we're dealing with yet. Seeing Onc doc on Monday for a session so we should find out a little more hopefully. We love each other so so much and we're both scared. Not being at all blokey today but I know I need to get a grip for her sake.

25 Replies

  • Sounds like a very caring man to me..... My hubby, when I had a recurrence sat in the car, after we left the hospital, looked at me and said 'I wasn't going to do this' and burst into tears and sobbed. You will 'get a grip' when the shock fades. Everything isn't over, I thought that, I think we all do. In my tenth year now and hubby is still driving me mad! (love him to bits tho! ). Big hugs to you both. Kathy xx

  • Thank-you. Done lots of sobbing between us today. We're thinking the worst due to lack of info. Monday should bring a bit more info hopefully

  • It sounds like you guys are in the same position as us. we found out in early December I've since had an op but still unsure we have had so many different results one oncologist saying thete was nothing there and another saying there was they have now sent for a 2nd opinion to London. we will finally get results next week. As you are, my husband has been amazing it's been a huge shock for us and there has been plenty of tears but treatment these days has come on leaps and bounds. sounds like you have an amazing relationship stay strong guys you'll get through this. I'm thinking of you both and sending good positive vibes your way. keep your chin up. x

  • Katmal you give us all hope, 10 years and still going strong. 💕

  • Sometimes the blokiest of blokes surprise themselves! What you're feeling is of course totally natural and the next few days until you speak to the oncologist will probably feel interminable. But as you so rightly say you don't know what you're dealing with, and fear of the unknown is always the worst. Hold on (to each other) until Monday, and believe that knowledge is power. You've got to this stage together, and when your fiancee has a plan in place, you'll feel more in control. Wishing you both all the best. x

  • Thank-you

  • Bless your heart I'm weeping with you.... everything is not over as yet you don't know what you are dealing and it's difficult to know what to do at this stage once you have seen your oncologist you will have a treatment plan and things won't seem as bleak ... sending hugs and lots of support 🤗🤗

  • Thank-you

  • As others have said, once there is a treatment plan which both of you can focus on, things will seem more manageable.

    Good luck with the appointment with the onc on Monday!

  • Can imagine what you're going through. Toughest news anyone can hear. Tears are normal, you're in shock & struggling to take it all in.

    Give yourself time, it will settle down, then try & take things one step at a time, otherwise you will both feel overwhelmed.

    Find out first what you're dealing with, then once you have a treatment plan you may feel better. It's about the things you CAN control rather than what you can't. While you must feel helpless, & powerless, you aren't. You can be there for her, & just offer a shoulder to cry on, even if you cry too. Tears are good, & talking. Better than bottling it up, hiding, & suppressing your emotion.

    This forum is great for offloading & advice. Use it as much as you can if it helps.

    Early days, but you'll do this. It goes quicker than you think. Best of luck, stay strong 💪🏼

    Sarah x

  • It is so scary. Especially when you first hear the news. Once the shock weans off, you have a doctor you have faith in and a plan in place things get 'easier'. You sound like the perfect person she needs in her life right now. My husband would always try to hide his unsettled moments. On a few occasions I would catch him and while I would feel guilty about putting him through this....I was also very comforted that someone loved me so much!

    Prayers to you both! I think you will find this site a wealth of information and comfort along the way.



  • Hi, There's a partners closed group on Facebook that you may find more useful, I've copied the details below. If the link doesn't work then search for Ovarian Cancer UK public group and scroll down to the post dated 5th January - the link takes you to a Closed Group


    Ovarian Cancer UK Public Page shared a group.

    5 January at 10:32 ·

    ‘Partners of Ovarian Cancer Sufferers’ is a new support group for anyone affected by their loved one’s ovarian cancer. Whether you are their romantic partner, family member or friend - you can find support, advice and a place to talk about anything you need to there.

    The group is run by and for its members. It is a place where people can talk privately about how their loved one’s cancer affects them personally – it removes the fear of burdening others and replaces it with the understanding of people who are facing similar circumstances. The group is a place where its members own needs can take priority – even if only for a while – where people can recharge their batteries, feel listened to, respected and understood.

    It was started by Mark Whittle (one of our current OCUK members) and here he explains what led to its creation. “I decided to set up the group as my wife is going through ovarian cancer and I found that there is a lack of support for partners. I was finding it difficult going with no one to talk too.

    It's only been running a short while, but it's help me already just by being able to voice my issues privately with others who are in similar situations. I hope the group can go on to help others through an awful time in their lives.”

    If you wish to join the group, simply click on the link below and then press the ‘join group’ button. As you will see, no posts within the group are visible to non-members, so please be assured that the group settings are private.

    As ever, thank you for your time and support.


  • I kind of knew after my GP phoned me even though he didn't THE word. This was 6 months ago..... After I'd had ascetis drainage and biopsy two weeks later I asked the doctor outright what stage I was at. after some paper rustling and fudging he said "We've staged it at 4" . That's when I burst out with "WTF happened to stages 1,2 and 3?" ( I normally never swear) I was convinced it was all over and spent several days crying it out to all who asked. The hardest conversation was with my daughter who now lives in Canada ( 8 hours behind us time difference). I'd asked her hubby to break to to her and she phoned.* It was 6 am here, 10 pm previous evening there... we sobbed it through.

    After that it gradually becomes accepted and step by step you move on and agree to anything to deal with this disease.

    Hubbies and partners are amazing. It brings you closer and you certainly treasure all the mundane things you took for granted before...

    You WILL deal with it and be stronger for it.

    All the best 🎈

    A funny PS: * while my daughter was crying and crying they didn't notice her little boy had got out of bed and was standing there watching them. When she looked up he just said "Can I have a yoghurt Mummy?" goes on...

  • Thanks for that. Today was ok, both went to work. Got home and everything was normal. And then it hits you again that you didn't dream it. Thank- you for the reply.

  • My heart breaks for is so hard and shocking at first when dealing with OC. But, as time goes on, you will become stronger. It is not the end....there are may women who have been living with the disease for many years. There are great treatment plans, and you will have one too. Stay strong and don't let this define you or defeat you. Kim x

  • Thanks Kim. And I know I'm panicking before we even know what we're dealing with. Must get a grip. Comments and support do help.

  • It's natural to panic. I did too. It was like being slapped with a ton of bricks. But, 9 months down the road, I am much calmer and positive. You will find that there are many blessings that come of this disease. I am closer to my family, friends, and I've become involved in a great church. The faith part has been soooo helpful. Let me know what you find out. I am here for you! Where are you from? I live in Vancouver, Canada. xo

  • Sadly I have no faith that I know of. I only ever pray when I want something, like now. I am envious of people who have that belief, must be such a comfort. Southwest England. Thanks again

  • It's not to late, Jesus loves all people, and he can help through this tough time❤️💕

  • I agree Ivster. I'm not overly religious but I do believe in the power of prayer. My mum (who has OC) loaned me a book once about prayer and it blew me away. I go to church as often as possible and say a prayer for mum and there are also dynamic prayers early on a Tuesday morning. There's a box you can drop a prayer into for the Dynamic Prayer team. I find it really comforting. X

  • I didn't have any faith either before all of this. I found it while going through all the chemo etc. I am still learning about being a Christian, but it has helped me immensely. I definitely agree with Ivster's reply above this one. xo

  • I was diagnosed 26th Jan 2013. If I read my posts from then I am totally scared, not able to stop crying and had buried myself. This site got me through it. Now a year later after surgery and chemo I'm doing well. I've just moved and mostly keeping positive. Once you've seen oncologist and have a plan you will feel so much better I absolutely promisex

  • Thank-you. And it's lovely to read your news too.

  • I meant 2016 diagnosis so just shows how quickly you can get through it. X

  • Sending positive vibes and love your way💕

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