Does anyone else have problems with siblings fighting?My boys are 8 and 4 and seem to constantly argue or start fighting.
I would say they do this 60% of the time.
Separately they are both so well behaved but when they are together it's like World War 3!
Me and my husband are fed up with telling them off or banning them from their devices. Not sure what else we can do to stop it 😔
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.
Hello Lowestoftmumoftwo
Sibling rivalry is really tricky and can be hard on parents when you constantly have to play referee and can be even worse during the holidays due to them being out of routine and then throw in Christmas. I know it does not make it better but this is very normal behaviour, you can try to ignore it if possible or use distractions techniques. You can set up house rules for them but it will be easier to provide support and strategies if you can tell me how old your children are and examples of types of behaviours and maybe what some of the triggers are.
Kind regards
Liezemoderator
Thank you. It seems to start when they want to watch something different on T.V or they want what the other one has so they start arguing. The older one tends to torment the younger one and then he lashes out and they start fighting.
It's worse when it's the holidays when they spend so much time together. I don't want to separate them as it doesn't seem fair to the older one to have to go upstairs and watch t.v when the little one stays downstairs.
They are 8 and 4. When they are out they are fine it seems to be when they are in together.
I always think squabbling, play fighting, arguing, creating boundaries, raising voices, crying, showing hurt, showing empathy, saying sorry, ‘making it right’, sticking up for each other/ganging up on the parents etc , are healthy and useful learning skills for a developing mind.
As long as they are safe you can teach them skills with each situation that occurs. With my 3 boys (for sanity) I try not to get involved but I watch on the sidelines unless it becomes unsafe. Listen to what they are saying, are they trying to negotiate, are they trying to persuade, what kind of communication are they learning from each other. Talk about good language and praise it. Try not to get in the middle, stand on the sidelines and identify what areas need to be worked on. For example child X needs to understand physical space more, probably age related but important to talk about, child Y struggles to articulate boundaries in a kind way - words to use instead of “it’s mine/ I had it first”.
Are they actually playing a spy/ superhero, police, baddie game etc but are being loud and boisterous? Can you praise elements of the game and join in make it more about the dressing up and creating costumes whilst ensuring boundaries- “no jumping off the back of the sofa because it could break, but you can jump on and off this”, or you two can be the superhero and I’ll be the super villain. We got the whole family laser guns and we all have team laser battles usually kids against parents so they laugh and fight together and it becomes super positive.
Most of the time it's the older one who tourments or annoys the little one when he is bored and little one lashes out and they start fighting or the little one wants to do something his big bro is doing but he can't as he is too little so he gets frustrated.
I do sometimes let them get on with it so that they get it out of their system however sometimes it results in the little one biting which I do not agree with.
I think spending too much time together over the holidays doesn't help.
Some great advice here. Let us know what you try and if you find something particular that works for you.
Thank you. The last few days haven't been as bad. I am quite a laid back person so I have to try and follow through on threats such as not letting them on their Nintendo for a few days if they misbehave or not having a dessert after tea.
