How do you understand what your child's behaviour is telling you?

[MaddieHU]

Has your child got any telltale signs that you know means a certain emotion? How do you respond and what works for you and your child?

[Mum35]

The boys are still learning to express and understand their own emotions. We’ve had hulk impressions, door slamming, uncontrolled sobbing in the supermarket. Storm offs, incredibley needy and wanting to sleep with us all night and holding on to my leg during the day. As long as its not harming themselves or anyone else we just let them vent. Even if they are loud and a bit mean (usually to me) I give them space to explore whatever emotion they are feeling. The main thing is managing the situation and usually me taking a few deep breaths and if at home leaving the room to calm down so I don’t explode in response. Later when possible and preferably away from an audience we will always, if they want, hug it out and remind each other that we love each other even if we’re a bit grumpy etc, then we talk about where it came from and actually what’s in their head, or what they think they’re feeling. Sometimes we even laugh in a nice way about it and so that they realise that both our responses can be silly and dramatic. A lot of the time there’s no consistency in the response of something from one day to the next, if they are tired or hungry everything is just worse even simple requests of take of your shoes can result in them saying I’m controlling everything in their life. Sometimes if possible a bit of distraction, a stern look or reminding them of good behaviour and even potential consequence can snap them out of the behaviour before it spirals and becomes a place where we all loose our ability to copy - and becomes a begging (please don’t do that, if you stop running off and shouting, I’ll buy you chocolate or anything you want) to the other extreme (right that’s it!!!! Christmas is cancelled!!!!!) Usually we balance in the middle after all despite being adults we are still only human and generally quite exhausted and hungry ourselves. What we definitely try to do is whatever happens happens and is managed and if necessary spoken about - it’s then forgotten and we move on. No holding grudges or using it against them in the future.

[Milkymoo]

My youngest when he is ill he becomes very teary and will get upset over the smallest of things. Normally it is the only symptom that shows for a few days before any other signs show.

[Krustyc2]

My son has speech delay and he finds it difficult to express his emotions. He makes up his own signs and sounds to let us know how he is feeling but it makes it difficult for new people to understand him. Often frustration and anger is expressed by growling and tense body parts.

[Pip70]

In my house it’s giving space and not asking too many questions but just being there and available if venting is needed that works best and of course they are never to old for cuddles...

[RustyM]

Our toddler is pretty expressive with his emotions. He gets frustrated and angry his little foot stamps, arms fold and an angry No. Or when he can't find the words he cries or stamps his feet. Lots of hugs and wanting to be held when he's sad or unsure. Overall he's a happy chappy who has excellent linguistics for his age. If he's not his usual self we know he's unwell. He's full of a cold at the moment so lots of hugs and not wanting to get out of bed. It's so awful when he can't explain exactly. Phew non verbal communication too, lack of eye contact when he's angry, lots of eye contact when he's happy. Experience and watching for changes in what's considered normal.

[Tudorkat]

My son gets really grumpy and full of attitude if tired or poorly, but generally is a sunshine boy. Having said that, if he worries about something, which happens a lot with ASD tendencies, he absolutely freezes and tenses up. Then his eyes widen and he descends into tears/wails. Lots of love and reassurance and cuddles needed. He also turns on the waterworks if told something he doesn't like, but it's all noise and his expression is totally different, so that gets a firm countdown for 5 to 0, with a consequence at the end if he doesn't stop. Works every time. Sadly rewards are not effective.

My 3 year old shows her feelings very clearly, flinging herself on the floor and having a lovely stomp and flail. We tend to just let her get on with it, then ask if she's ready to talk. If worried or shy, she puts hands over her ears (used to be eyes) as if it will make her invisible, and turns sideways in towards us.

[JogOffc25k]

My kids get very hangry and struggle.to understand when they are grouchy because they are tired. It's fairly easy to see when they are tired and emotional but, for 2 active boys, trying to tell them to have a rest is almost impossible.

[Hbazzle]

I can tell when little one is nervous as she will lick things!! Where did she get that from!? I must admit as she’s getting older it’s easier to tell how she is feeling. And it can be useful to read the signs as she doesn’t always want to talk. If she does seem anxious or confused I always ask her how she is feeling and let her know I am there if she needs me.

[Cringlecat]

It's a tricky one, remembering to think about the reasons behind the behaviour instead of reacting to the behaviour, especially if it's hitting, screaming etc. Taking a deep breath and remembering that autism affects my child's understanding of the world and the reactions may be affected is what I try and do, but sometimes it's all too much and I shout.