How do you try and support your teenager when they are feeling low or stressed?
Teenage emotions: How do you try and... - Ask Norfolk Parents
Teenage emotions
MaddieHUHealthUnlocked
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MaddieHU
HealthUnlocked
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I have a 9 year old so won't be too much longer and I'll have a teenager. I just keep telling my son that if there is anything you want to talk about I am here I won't judge and won't get angry I would just rather him come and talk to me about stuff so hopefully when he is a teenager he will still come and talk to me.
Although our children are still young we talk about how we are going to cope in the teenage years. Open and honest discussions are key I believe as well as a balance with time spent relaxing and being mindful.
Have a long while before this hits us. Hoping we are laying the groundwork now by stressing that we can talk about anything and that he will always be loved, no matter what. Even if we have his choices and behaviours, he himself is always loved and that will never change.
I remember my own teenage years if my mother trying to wrap me up in cotton wool and some of the angst there was in my life ... I guess it'll be a combination of ensuring that the key boundaries are absolutely firm but beyond that trying to cut him a bit of slack and not make him feel tied to my apron strings, so he doesn't feel that he is having to pull away in order to find his identity.
Gulp!
By being consistent, understanding they need to test the boundaries. Listening to the inane chatter so that they feel comfortable with the bigger conversations.
Try not to talk when they are tired/hungry/hormonal/stressed about home work get them on a good day if you can find one amongst all the barriers...
Let them start the conversation and that way you know the willingness is there! Good luck 😀
My boys are 6 and 2 so we have a while before they become teenagers, however at all ages they test boundaries that they consider important, crave independence and relish in making decisions about their life. These manifest themselves in usually disruptive, emotive and challenging behaviour which tests our limits and is frustrating, exhausting and also emotive, since despite being adults we are still learning how to be parents whilst baring the responsibilities and stress of caring and providing for a family. We find one of the best ways for managing their own emotions (both good and bad) is to teach the kids empathy so they begin to understand our feelings as well as their own. We show them trust by allowing them to make their own decisions where appropriate, and even reflecting on feelings and the activity afterwards in order to helping them manage other decisions independently. The aim is that as they get older and the situations become more important, serious and have potentially life altering results for themselves and as a family, we will be able to help them manage whatever they encounter. We aim to be as honest as possible whilst being open minded, remembering that it’s their life and their choices. We will always hope that they feel unconditional love, confidence in their own decisions and support should everything not turn out as they hope. Whilst I would love to solve all their problems since they are still young children, I think instead it will be more beneficial to teach them how to manage situations whether they are small or big. We can ask questions to make them think about what they feel is good and not good behaviour, what things they could do to get warmer on a cold day and helping them find the right items, making the right choices in eating by taking about the benefit to different food and asking them to choose either part or all of the meal so that they know we value their opinion. Showing that we all enjoy delicious but unhealthy food as long as we have it in moderation and are active and do lots of fun exercise as part of our lifestyle. Saying thank you when they actively take part in decisions that affect all the family so they know we all respect each other thoughts even if we disagree. If we start now I think it will be second nature and more comfortable for both sides when there are more serious discussions to have.
Even now we’re very open with different subjects our 6 year old is very observant and asks about his own body and how a baby grows etc. We keep it simple and short and answer the question he’s interested in, in an appropriate way he can understand.
Validation is key.
I don’t have teenagers yet. But I know that when I was one I could have really benefitted from being able to talk openly with my parents. I think they were of a generation where problems were hidden and you were expected to just “get on with it” regardless. I try to be honest and not patronise my children, even though they are only small. My biggest fear is creating small shy nervous versions of myself.
I've worked professionally with teenagers and am also a proud aunty to a couple. I think the easiest way to get on with them is to speak to them and treat them like adults. Open and honest, don't try and be thier mate, they've got those, don't try and tell them what to do either. Listen, understand, remember what it was like when you were a teen and apply. Nothing worse than a parent whose trying to be cool, or a mate. They need guidance, trust and you're balance of being a role model and a proud parent. Oh and don't judge, always remember we were that age too!
No teenagers here but I like to think we'd be able to have open conversations and they'll always feel supported. I want to make sure they have a sport or other physical hobby to support their mental health (Although this is probably the same as when they were babies and I said they would never watch TV and only eat organic - out of the window within a few months!! We do the best we can eh?!).
I have a 12 year old (and a 9 year old) so she is close to being a teen. Sometimes she just needs a cuddle, other times she wants to talk. I never "probe" but she knows that she can always talk to me about anything. We have found that the biggest hurdle in talking is actually starting the conversation.... We now each have a cuddle toy (small one) that if we are seen holding it then that's our signal that we need to talk.
I’ve had three go through their teenage years & each one experienced it differently. I think peer pressure shapes their perceptions a lot at that age, so who they hang round with makes a massive difference to how they cope.
I 100% agree with what Pip70 said about not trying to speak to them when they’re tired, or stressed, you really do have to gauge the situation, & you also have to pick your battles carefully, or you will feel the full force of teenage hormonal angst against you. Urghh, I remember it well!
I found that they often just needed a cuddle, although they probably won’t ask. I remember my son raging in the middle of an argument, I just stopped & asked if he wanted a cuddle, he nodded then broke down & sobbed in my arms. He explained to me that he would feel so angry inside & knew that he was ‘in the wrong’ most of the time when shouting but he just couldn’t back down once he started. I learnt to try not to allow things to escalate after that.
