I’m fairly new to this site and wanted to see if anyone can relate to my situation or provide any advice on how to mange my OCD.
I struggle very severely with intrusive and obsessive thoughts. My main problem is with germs and I obsessively clean anything and everything in the fear that they’re “contaminated”. I wash my hands constantly, to the point they’re so sore and even starting to crack and bleed sometimes. I have to do things in a specific way so I know that they’ve been “decontaminated” properly and if I don’t do this in my set pattern I become increasingly anxious, which often leads to panic attacks. I will often throw items away or refuse to let anyone use something as a result as I believe it is contaminated or not decontaminated properly.
I’m struggling to function because I’m so anxious and worried all of the time and constantly believe something awful is going to happen to me or my family and friends. I distance myself from people so that I cannot “contaminate” them in the fear of causing anyone any harm. I’m struggling to leave the house due to my anxiety, however if I do I have to decontaminate everything when I’m home and shower at least 3 times afterwards. I use antibacterial wipes everywhere and on everything and spray detol around the house up to 30 times a day.
It’s very distressing and frustrating because I know it’s irrational but my mind doesn’t seem to be able to rationalise anything at the moment.
Sorry for the long post but can anyone relate to any of this at all? and if so, what helps you to manage this and keep it controlled? I’m on medication and undergoing psychology but am yet to feel any significant benefit.
Thankyou.
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Louise-93
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That's the thing with OCD: it isn't rational! CBT tells us that we need to go against the irrational nature of OCD not by trying to rationalize but by simply doing the opposite.
That means for example only showering once after leaving the house and returning, and getting used to feeling a bit dirty, until you can come home and not shower at all.
The feelings will be uncomfortable for quite a while, and you will feel as filthy as if you'd been wallowing in a pig sty. But if you can avoid the temptation to rush to the shower again, gradually the feeling will subside and you will realize that really, you are not dirty and don't need another shower. If it gets too much and you give in, don't beat yourself up for it. Each little attempt is a little success.
It can be an ongoing battle against OCD, but it's perfectly possible to get back to functioning again. I've been so bad that I could barely move or do anything, but it can get better.
It helps to break up the order in which you do things. It's easy to get set in a particular routine and feel panicky if you don't follow it. There are self help books that use CBT and have examples and charts you can adapt. It helps to write things down. Perhaps make a list of OCD habits and start with the easiest to break. To free yourself from just a few can make you feel a whole lot better.
I don't know if the Coronavirus thing has made it worse for you, but I had to laugh at the National Hand Washing Day! As if I didn't already wash mine a lot!
I can totally relate to your situation. Apart from the panic attacks, I experience everything you have described. To avoid the extremes of overwashed hands I use lots of hand cream at night, and also use plastic gloves to try to reduce the need for washing. I spend an enormous amount on antibac liquid soap which I buy in bulk containers, and I buy many boxes of 100 gloves in bulk deliveries. I also use many antibac wipes for my hands and surfaces, which I buy in bulk, currently at inflated prices.
My sadness is having to part with things I would prefer to keep, including treasured gifts, when I feel they are "contaminated". I try to recycle these and sometimes buy exact replacements.
CBT and medication are recommended for those who are new to OCD, but did not work for me as I was untreated for far too many years.
I know exactly what you have to do. I've suffered with the fear of contamination since I was 22 yrs old, I'm 68yrs old now.I feel my life has been a waste, I can't just go and do anything on a whim.
But we know how ocd takes over held me back. In the house I'm in a constant state of anxiety. When I have a big attack my blood feels as though its on fire, heavy limbs, panic, sweating, pain and nausea, head feels as though its going to explode.
I'm always sanitising, I also use lots of rubber gloves often dosnt make me feel less contaminated. I know I shouldn't but I now wash my hands with bleach, yes very dangerous, but nothing else makes my hands feel clean. I get exhausted easy these days.
I've thrown so many things away but have to deface and ruin so no one will want them, although I do put them in bin, always a 2 hour shower. The severity of my condition is now chronic. I bought a new table and chairs a few years ago, a couple of weeks later I felt something had contaminated them to the highest level. I tried a couple of times to decontaminate, spent a fortune on lab quality alcohol spray and wipes, just couldn't convince myself they were clean.Then theres the problem of cross contamination, it takes hours. I avoid going near them now. I can't have family in, my fear if they go near them they will get severely contaminated, I'm terrified they could get ill or worse, its a nightmare. I have hyper responsibility. I couldn't cope with the thought of harming anyone.
I'm now trying to think of the best way to throw them away. I can't have anyone take them away, cross contamination etc. The only option is to saw them down into manageable sizes, horrendous. I'm feeling so low, but just got to get on with it. I know it sounds crazy.
I had meds and a bit of therapy I think too late for me, had it for nearly 20 years then.
Wow got that out.
Thanks for reading.
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