I am currently 20 years old. When the whole “2012 world ending” thing happened years ago I became extremely obsessed, terrified, and disconnected from reality. It was all I could think about. I never told my mom, I never talked to a doctor. And it was crippling. But I got out of it on my own and I lived a normal life for years after words with only small irrational fears that would pop up and then go, nothing that affected my daily life anymore. This past June/ July I started getting really crazy tension headaches that I had never had before. I was terrified that something was wrong with my brain (like a tumor or something) I even almost passed out while driving and had to pull over and fight to keep myself awake. So I went to my doctor and he told me I was having anxiety and prescribed me Prozac. The day I started taking it my whole life was ruined. I felt extremely disconnected, dizzy, and numb. And each time I would start to fall asleep I would jolt awake and it would repeat for hours until I finally knocked out. And my doctor would never call me back to talk about my side effects. Towards the end of the month that I took it I started having really scary intrusive thoughts about harming my family. And I had a dream that I was harming myself and I decided I can’t do this anymore and stopped taking it. I thought it was making me crazy. I had hoped that the harm thoughts would go away once the medicine was out my system and it’s been months and I feel like they’ve only gotten worse. I’ve convince myself that I am psychotic, that I must hate my family and boyfriend. It makes me sick the thoughts and feelings that I have for them. I know that they are wonderful people and that I should love them but I can’t feel it anymore. I feel like poison to their lives. I feel like I’m not me anymore and I never will be. Like I’ll never feel safe again or be able to feel the love and compassion and kindness that used to be my whole life force. Most days I really just want to die. I feel like my life is over. Like I have no part in my relationships. And no matter what I do I’m only going to hurt them. No matter how much I cry and panic when I think about hurting them and how much I miss them when they’re away and worry for their safety I can’t convince myself that I love them anymore or that I want to be a part of this family. I’m convinced some sick part of me hates them and thinks they deserve to die. I don’t want to be like this. I just want to feel normal and in love again. My mom and my boyfriend have always been so wonderful to me and have been my best friends but now I look at them and feel nothing but pain and dread. I can’t eat, I can’t get out of bed. I don’t want to suffer like this anymore. I’m going to therapy once a week but it’s not enough. I have admitted myself before a few months ago and they did nothing for me. I don’t know what to do. I hate myself and I hate the world because of this and I have always been on the good/ loving side of things. I’ve always wanted to make people feel good and worthy and loved and I’m just disgusted with myself and everything around me now. I have good days sometimes, where I feel sure it’s all in my head and I will be okay and that I would never harm anyone and that I love them. But most days I just feel like I’m ruined and so is my whole life. Why is this happening to me? Is this really what ocd is like? I keep reading about it and everything adds up except I haven’t seen anyone who has actually convinced themselves they must hate someone. Everything I say and do that’s kind and even this as I’m typing feels like lies. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Please someone give me some insight or comfort. I fear I’m a totally and completely different person and that I’m evil now and should be banished. I want to run away and never look anyone in the face again. Help.
I need help. : I am currently 20 years old. When... - OCD Support
OCD Support
I need help.
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I also wanted to ask if there’s any kind of service or treatment where you can speak to a therapist everyday. 45 minutes a week is not enough for me, I’m really suffering. And when I went inpatient I was promised I’d see a therapist every day and only got to speak to one ONCE in the six days I was admitted.
Try to reason....... A planet that size would have been spotted years ago by amateurs, so even if Nasa denied its existence the whole world would have known about it thru the internet.
Its just a story that newspapers keep bringing up. First i was supposed to be 2012, then September, then 19 November, then 21 November then 23 November.The story never ends. Its like then theory that the Earth is flat, and there are people out there who want us to believe that.
There is no need to panic - this issue has become an obsession for you and its screwing up your thinking and your life and has procured other obsessions.
Let the negative thoughts go - there are not real, they are only a product of your imagination. Just like the planet that doesnt exist.
Hope some of this is of some use to you.
Cheers
Maxs
p.s. Prozac is not a specific anti anxiety medication, although all SSRIs have antianxiety properties to some extent. Seems to me you need Prozac and something like Xanax or Lorezapam - a psyachiatrist is better than a doctor in prescribing these medications. Maybe you can see one.
Dear cs0717, can I urge you to go back to your doctor, or a different one, straight away? You should have been seen regularly when you started taking Prozac. While it works well for some people, it may not for everyone. One potential side effect is that it may cause some people to have thoughts of self harm - so you should have been monitored properly. There are lots of other SSRIs you could try, under your doctor's supervision, until you find one that works for you.
You sound very distressed, and I feel so sorry that you do. Your symptoms can be treated - please don't give up. In the meantime, why not call a mental health charity helpline for some support? Above all, don't go it alone. The current gold standard for the treatment of OCD is a mixture of talking therapy - CBT - *and* SSRI antidepressants. (I'm not a doctor but it certainly sounds to me as if you have OCD as well as the anxiety and depression that go with it.) You've bravely recognised that you do need help, and you deserve it! You're not a bad person - you're ill. Lots of other people have the same illness as you, and you can get better. Very best wishes!
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Am I mentally ill??!!?!
We can't give up 
False memories ruining my life ( this is just one false memory that is really effecting me) 
Please help and tell me these are the later stages of hocd I don't even know anymore
Do I have OCD? Am I Bipolar? What's Wrong With Me?