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Please help!

Dear reader's,

I am desperate for some advice and help I hope someone here can say or give me some advice at this difficult time.

To start with I myself do not have OCD however today my partner and I have ended a happy and loving relationship because of the impact his OCD. I cannot explain how painful this has been for the 2 of us as we are both deeply in love.

Due to our faith and background neither of us are permitted to live together until we are married. Whilst we have both been looking forward to taking this step and building our life together for the past 2 years, the past few months my partner began to consider the impact his OCD (which is a fear of contamination) will have on our relationship when he is faced with the challenge of sharing his space with another individual. Today eventually things came to a boiling point where we had to consider our future and whilst it broke our hearts it seems his OCD fears distroyed our loving relationship. He opened up to me during our conversation and explained he did not want to end what we had but his OCD was getting progressively worse and as much as he loved me, mentally he was unable to cope with the idea of sharing his space. It was even more worrying as he's also for the first time told me has had suicidal thoughts in the past as a result of the stress and impact his OCD has on his life and the impact it's had on his relationship with his family. He has so admitted a host of other worrying things to me leading me to feel extremely concerned for him.

I begged him to seek professional, and I also want to better u understand the mental effects it has on an individual suffering from this OCD to cope with my own loss. I cannot explain how much we are both in love with each other and how hurt he was letting me go because he could not see himself being able to defeat his fears. Please can anyone who suffers with a similar form of OCD help me understand his anxiety and if there is any help for him to manage this, his condition is getting worse and today he completely felt defeated as tearfully told me he cannot help the way he feels as he told me he did not want to let me go.

I hope someone on here can give me some reassuring advice and tell me how I can help him.

4 Replies

Oh how utterly devastating for you both. Please don’t part until he has seeked medical help if he can.

Has he tried medication, counselling or CBT treatment at all?

There is a light at the end of the tunnel if only to manage his symptoms as I know as I have suffered the same fears for many years but they are now manageable.

Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

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OCD is treataqble - the common method is


OCD is treatable, with CBT counselling with an OCD therapist and anti anxiety medication like Lorezapam or Xanax. There is no need to despair, improvement will be gradual - if it doesnt wotk with one particular therapist, there is nothing wrong in changing to another one.

Hope this helps.



It's a pity to feel you have to give up on a relationship where you still love each other. I know how challenging OCD can be, and if your partner has contamination OCD then living with someone else is going to be difficult for you both.

But there is help available. Do ask him to get professional help which can, if not actually cure OCD, make life with it at least manageable. A course of CBT could make all the difference, and he would be able to learn skills that would help him cope.

He is lucky to have found someone as patient and caring as you, and it would be a shame for you to lose one another. Perhaps any therapy programme could involve you, so you get a better understanding of OCD and can help him with it. It could be a good incentive for him to make the treatment work as well as possible, so you can go on being together.

Put off any immediate plans of marriage, so he doesn't feel pressured to share his space with someone, but do try to persuade him that professional help, and your support, can make a difference. I do hope it works out for you both.

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