Intrusive Thoughts Destroying My Life

[Drazchaz15]

Hey, everyone, I joined this site a while back to deal with my OCD but, forgot to use it.

Let me give you my story. Ever since I was about 13 years old (or 12 maybe) I have suffered severely with OCD I used to think they were just little habits or worries that everyone got, turns out not. It was in year 7 (12-13 year olds in school in the UK) when I first start developing compulsions to circle my shoulder joint over and over again until it felt right. Until it felt perfect. All my time throughout I managed to tackle and defeat physical compulsions howver, I've tried over and over and over and over and over again to change my intrusive thoughts and they just DONT go away. Everything in my life is to blame or has went wrong because I keep going in circles in my own damn head. I'm 17 now, badly wanting friends let alone a girlfriend, I want to be able to write songs, stories I get my family life straightened out. Sorry if their are many spelling mistakes in this post but I"m not going over to check because this post will take ages to type. My intrusive thought is that I'm nothing thinking properly, like for some reason I think I have to think a specific way. My thoughts get jumbled up in my head like, should it even be called OCD should I acknowledge it as a disorder, am I just lazy and that's why I have it? Now I can't tell the difference between fiction and reality. I need help or advice please.