Mild OCD...but getting worse - should I get help?

[ellosmith]

I've always thought I had 'mild' OCD i.e. it has never really been debilitating or stopped me doing things. When I was younger I had a thing about touching things in a certain way - if I saw a nice stone, or something round, I'd have to touch it in a way that meant I felt it across my whole palm. I was also very conscious of being equal on both sides - if my brother punched me in the arm, I'd make him punch me in the other arm to make it equal. We laughed about this as it didn't bother me much.

However, as I've got older, I've noticed that my OCD (if that's what it is) is linked to anxiety, and has changed into checking rituals. I have two kids now, and I have a routine when I leave them at night that I have to hear them breathing 5 times before I leave the room. Then I check on the other child, then I have to start again with the first child. I also have to kiss them so many times before I leave them. I've forced myself to limit this, but sometimes I will get out of bed and start all over again if I think I haven't done it right. My partner knows this and doesn't make a big deal of it.

One night a week, my partner plays football and often doesn't get home until after midnight. This is when the OCD gets a lot worse. It can take me a full half hour to get to bed, with listening to the kids, checking under their beds (seriously, under a tiny kid's bed - no adult could fit under there), behind the doors, in our wardrobe. I might do this several times before I finally get into bed. Then I can't sleep as I start to panic a little, and often have to leave the light on and read until I fall asleep.

Weirdly, I never have to check the doors downstairs, and I never, ever bother about the loft bedroom, even though it is easily accessed from the floor that our bedrooms are on.

I have started reading the Break Free from OCD book and I do try to cut down each night, but it's hard. Is it normal that it only affects this particular part of my life? I very rarely notice it during the day or when I'm not in the house.

Thanks