I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts ever since I was raped last year. My thoughts are usually about being infected by a reused needle during a blood draw. I've had countless blood draws since I was raped to mks sure I'm okay and I sometimes am so focused on not looking at the needle that I forget to ask them to show my that they're using a new one. I was just at the hospital yesterday seeing a specialist for infectious diseases. He decided to test me for hiv and hep c. He seemed really nice and was saying the next step for me is to get into a relationship. When I came home I started freaking out that the nurse who did the blood draw reused the needle and somehow the doctor told her to infect me. The nurse asked me to lay down on the bed since she had to take 9 vials of blood. I couldn't see my arm or the needle and now I'm freaking out. The doctor also said he wants to see me again which now feels weird to me because I thought that they would just give me a call if something showed up positive. But he said i should book an appointment with his secretary so I can ask him any other questions that I might have that come to mind after this. My mind is freakish out, I feel like he only wants to see me again knowing that he infected me or something. It sounds so irrational but I'm so paralyzed.