Reclusive, with little wish to be out and about.Not adverse to 'society', which I find a most interesting puzzle. Any same?

Have always been reclusive, with little wish to be out and about. Not adverse to 'society', which I find a most interesting and intriguing puzzle. Yet - and not regretfully so - Ifind myself more and more this way, as I increasingly spend time in the space that my injury has 'afforded'. Any same?

4 Replies


I am not really sure I understand your post, do you mean you find you don't wish to be out because of social anxiety, or is it more you have no 'desire', if they latter I wonder if maybe it is more Depression? Perhaps having a chat to your GP?




Hi Coetzeegisela,

I am sorry I was unable to respond to your post earlier, but saved it when I received the notification because it resonates with me so profoundly! I wanted time to be able to do justice to the response; yet have decided to just get any reply done now, because there is never time and nothing is ever quite right when I reply. I do however hope you still receive it and find it of use, or interesting!

I am entirely convinced that I understand what you are saying and that it sounds as if it is exactly the same with me!

I am friendly, sociable and certainly not averse to the society of others in fact I often quite enjoy the occasional forays into social activities. However, no matter how well it goes even if I have enjoyed the experience, normally because it has revolved around my area of special interest and expertise, it takes me up to three days to recover; I am left exhausted, sometimes confused or churning through alternative interpretations to interactions of the event and I can't stress enough this is even if it has been fun, a thoroughly enjoyable event!....... No obvious anxiety involved at all.

I have struggled with this puzzling conundrum my entire life, with each event, I perceived myself to be involved in certain minor social faux pas, intensifying the depth of my self-esteem issues, until seven years ago I was finally SO overwhelmed That none of my coping strategies including OCD behaviours, had enough effect in calming me down, slowing my thoughts or helping me to function at all!

Through years of therapy, medications and support, that I threw myself into wholeheartedly; desperate to find a way back to at least being able to "pretend to be normal", because when I was able to do that I was at least seen to function. Finally I was assessed at first for ASD and a few months after for Adult ADHD! Resulting in a diagnosis for both.

It has taken me a further six months to come to terms with the dual diagnosis but I have just finished reading "Pretending to be Normal" which has helped me to begin to look at myself in a different way with better understanding and a little more self-compassion. For the first time in my life I am beginning to see what I need to survive and it involves quite a lot of isolation, I think because that is the only time I can be myself! Free of the shackles of acting a part as a 'social' human being I have found myself being creative, innovative and consequently hopeful!

I have no friends but a few very friendly acquaintance relationships but I just don't know how to "connect" with people in a way that makes me feel an emotional attachment though I have been remarkably adept at 'faking' those attachments, but have never truly managed to know how to cope or what is expected of me even what I am supposed to do or feel!

I am sure the reasons and behaviours differ but due to the unexpected opportunity to 'withdraw' and isolate myself I am finding a freedom and a reboot of intellect and imagination that makes me feel I want to give life another try but perhaps on my terms with regard to socialising so that I can utilise what feels like untapped potential even talents.

Take care of yourself hope you are feeling well



Thank you for your a very meaningful response. 'Pretending To Be Normal' seems a must-read? Isolation, beeing a 'hermit' and 'recluse', is however me. (And I mean "however"...) I am always open, though, to learning of the experience of others of this 'unsheltered' life.

Again, thanks for the patience to reply.


I feel like I can relate to both of these posts. My doctor wouldn't consider the possibility of an ASD though, and I suppose I agree that I probably wouldn't meet this diagnosis, though I thought about it for a while. I really wish I had an explanation though. I don't know to what extent I should force myself to be sociable and I have no good way to explain to anyone why I feel like this.


You may also like...