Doctors remark!!

Hi,all hope you are all having a good(not too painful) day? Just had to talk to you all about this. Saw doc today,putting me back on MTX after a break of five weeks,bloods and liver not keen on meds. Talked about having steroid injections and raising oral steroid for pain and HE said...... I can tell as you have the big moon face..!! Was a bit blown away....then he said.....well you are riddled with RA mate" well, I didnt know what to say,blown away again! I don't cry ..... Hardly ever,but I felt like the ground was whipped from under my feet. Went home and cried. We all feel rubbish about this disease and struggle at times but you expect more from your doctor .....or do you??? Loads love x

37 Replies

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  • I am so sorry you went through that. Where was his compassion? Yes I do expect more than that from a doctor. With trust& compassion I believe you can get the best care possible, obviously that does not always happen but that does not make your doc's treatment of you right. Life is hard enough with this condition without trust in our medical care. Thank goodness for our friends here.

    Take care of yourself, am sending you love& hugs. Alison x

  • Hmm, a bit more compassion needed, I don't blame you for being upset. We all know what having this disease is like, some more than others. I'm sure the professionals don't know how we really feel.

    Hugs from me too

    Mary x

  • would expect a little bit more from a doctor .. he needs to go back to medical school to be taught compassion .. or just some plan n simple manners .. sorry to hear about your day ..

    andy x

  • What a horrible horrible man, shame on him and his appalling bedside manner. Try not to be too upset as even if you do have a "moonface" it will go away once your steroids come down. The important thing is to get yourself right and know you are a beautiful person inside and out. More than can be said for that Dr. Take care

    Paula x

  • Thank you all for your lovely comment. Always know where to come for a pick- me - up x I just hope no one else is made to feel that way. Take care all x

  • Oh what a rotten experience, and what a nasty unfeeling individual, but as they say here ' what goes around comes around' it will come back on him.

    Regards, Gina.

  • When I was pregnant (many years ago) my face ballooned along with my tummy but guess what - afterwards my face returned to normal (well, ......... normal for me). Same happens with steroids, promise !

    I go along with Paula - his bedside manner leaves something to be desired!!

    Maybe he was having a bad day or maybe not. If you see him again and he has the same attitude I think I would try to laugh at him and comment to the effect of "Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed today". Either that or tell him that his comments regarding your symptoms are upsetting you, make him feel bad! He's a GP not God !!!

    Judi xxxx

  • Not a pleasant experience for you, if you want to call the practise manager and explain to them and tell them that though what he said was right his manner was upsetting and you came home and cried. He does need to learn compassion, but if you don't complain he will never learn to be more diplomatic. Sending you hugs. sylvi.xx

  • A PS to my comment above and totally nothing to do with your problem: Years ago I was in hospital for a minor op. and when the doctor was doing his rounds I was told by one of the nurses to get back into bed "because the doctor was doing his rounds" (I was standing talking by the bedside of a very old lady who was bed-bound) I informed the nurse that the Dr. was her boss not mine! and stayed where I was until he got to the old lady, then got in to my bed.

    Judi xxxx

  • I think drs and nurses should have to read our forum they might understand a bit more.

    'riddled' is a nasty word. Did he really call u mate? Respect?

  • Yes cathie ....he did! He is a senior Dr at the practise and the one who keeps an eye on bloods and as I am again having weekly tests I may well see him again . I will tell him if I do how he made me feel. I know all he said was true but as you've said " riddled" is horrible. Thanks all of you. Feel soooo much better. Have a good day and see you soon. Big gentle hugs x

  • Sorry coming late to this but I just wanted to add my support for you. I really hope you feel robust enough next time you see him to look him in the eye and tell him that moon face and riddled - not to mention "mate" aren't words you expect to hear from a professional when talking to a patient. Outrageous really! Take care. Tilda xx

  • Bless you x thanks

  • It sounds to me as though he was trying to be pally and trendy but neglected to think about how rotten we feel about ourselves most of the time. It is bad enough that you have these symptoms and have to deal with it on a day to day basis without someone coming across as being so flippant about it. Lots of sympathy and hugs to you Linnieh. Head up! xxx

  • Thanks ...you are all so fab x

  • What a horrible man, I would report him and his attitude to the head of your medical centre, how disgusting and unsympathetic, shame on him.

    Hope you are feeling better today, big hugs

    Alison

    x

  • I agree that he should be confronted, but its amazing the effect that medics have on us. Shamans!! I went to see a consultant about my face (more later) and was totally intimidated. It was probably the black suit and how big he was but I was reduced to a grovelling idiot even though I was well prepared. So dont beat yourself up if you find it hard to confront him. There are ways, sometimes in writing is easier - and could be more considered

    XX

  • What disgusting behaviour. Just what you need to hear when you are having a tough time. I would write a letter and send it to the GP surgery. We do not have this illness through choice so more compassion should be given. My Rhuemy nurse told me that GP's are given no training about RA unless they do a study themselves..her osteo students from St.Andrews are doing work with RA patients. Take care and look after yourself. xxx

  • Reminds me of an incident a few years back when my MTX was missed off my repeat prescription. I went to the dispensary and explained to the assistant what had happened and she said to me "Have you got cancer?" A bit taken aback I said no and she looked at me smugly and said "well you can't be on MTX then it's only prescribed for cancer. You're wrong" I argued the toss with her but she wouldn't budge and wouldn't go and get the pharmacist. In the end, he came out to see me and, of course, agreed with me. She just said "Oh" and walked off to serve someone else.

    I went home and broke my heart. I couln't believe I was actually reduced to begging for a drug that I didn't want to take anyway!!!

    It brings us back to the age old argument we have on here on a daily basis. If there was more awareness of our illness (and predicament) out there, we'd all have more energy to fight what we should be fighting rather than wasting our energy on ignorance.

  • Again thanks guys.....you are amazing!!!

    That is awful ......I agree with all you've just said. A big hug to you x

  • How these people become doctors I do not know, I have met so many

    in healthcare of one form or another that have left me upset or angry.

    I too have put on so much weight through steroids and people make

    nasty remarks, most times I can look at those individuals and think,

    at least my face is not full of lines and wrinkles that so often go with

    being skinny. Trouble is I am too caring to say it to them, maybe I should.

    Ann

  • bighugs, linnieh,x , life can be so cruel, :(

  • Write down what happened - leave it, then re-read it next day. If you still feel the same send it to him and practise manager. Time he retired!!!!

    X j

  • That doctor should be reported to the general medical council, or whichever authority monitors medical attitudes. He is a disgrace. I sympathise with you, and send you my love and hugs. Hopefully you are feeling much better now. Zannie. XX

  • What a horrible thing to say - i know exactly how you feel about it though - went to my female GP to ask for help in shifting weight (due to steroid injections) and she kindly told me to "stop eating"!!! That left me in tears too!! Hope you are feeling better now, Hugs

    Liz

    xx

  • I am so sorry to hear that you have been treated so badly by a so called professional. I also work in the NHS and would advise you to speak to the practise manager. You should not need to tolerate this type of treatment. I have had a personal experience of being treated like this. I asked to speak with the doctor concerned and confronted him about his attitude. He did apologise. Whilst he work at our hospital he hung his head ever time we met. I have met many more professionals who are kind and caring despite the pressure of the job. I say report him then have your say. Then go out with your head held high like the beautiful person you are. Much luv and lots of hugs. Carole. X x

  • Don't know if this helps, but I seem to bring out the worst in doctors & some things stick in my mind - I wish they didn't!

    7 years ago we were preparing to move a few hundred miles to where we live now. In the last couple of weeks there I plucked up the courage to see my GP about a lump in my armpit. To my surprise he did not say 'nothing to worry about' & in fact seemed very worried indeed. There wasn't time to arrange an appt. at the hospital there so he made me promise to see a GP as soon as I moved house to book a mammogram.

    I duly followed his instructions. The GP took one look at me & said 'What's the matter with you looking all neurotic?' I explained & he grumpily agreed to pretend to be some sort of physician, flung the door open & yelled down the corridor 'Can I have a nurse in here so I can examine this woman's breasts!' (I was fine, thank goodness.)

    It's hard to say why I didn't complain. But I think I'd put it down to low self-esteem - the assumption that I'd be seen as a trouble maker or whinger rather than as a patient who had too much self-respect to put up with such cr*p.

    I'd advise you to complain in a measured but firm way. The way you've explained the incident here seems to fit the bill.

    Otherwise, don't worry about the fool - he's the one with an attitude problem.

    Christina xx

  • Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”

    Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

    I'm sorry you felt so bad about his comments. Be ready for him next time, your face is the result of medication, his attitude is the result of bad manners and a poor character! If your practice has a Patients Group, you could print this lot of, send it to them and they will bring the matter up with the Doctors. Best of luck and don't let it get you down.

    LuLu

  • Hi

    that is so rude and tactless for a professional person and I think also like the others that you should report this to the practice manager before he does it to someone else.

    But that doesnt help you does it.

    I too gained a lot of weight in a year with the steroids and have a "moon face " with the swelling and the "spare steroid Tyre!" I was so upset as I was always quite fit and active and not too overweight. People started passing me in the street as they didn't recognize this swollen, crutched disabled lady and I was so upset and wounded.

    I read a thing by Katie who had the acid thrown in her face and had to wear a mask for two years. She said " I had to decide whether to hide in a corner or to reach deep inside myself and find some inner strength to cope with the new me." Well I sort of did that and now really dont care if people are shocked or not but it took over a year to get to this frame of mind.

    I know its not the same as our steroid look but the thing is the steroids had a place in my recovery, I havent had any for a few month now since they started me on Humira and Arava and fingers crossed they are gonna work, but the swelling has started to go down on its own and I hope this will make some of my self esteem return whilst i work on the keeping strong bit. So I can understand if a Doc had said that to me it would have set me back a long way!! So I think you are brave going through all these tests and I agree I would have expected more from the Doctor.

    Just wondering is he a gp or a Rhuemy ? If not a Rheumy then you should ask, if you are not already , to see the specialist or give them a ring for more specialist help!?

    Good luck, hold your beautiful face up....and complain!!! Love Axx

  • UNBELIEVABLE!! That is outrageous!!!!!

  • Cathy is right, Dr's and nurses (even rheumy ones) don't fully understand what we go through. I should know because as a nurse until I actually had RA it didn't hit home how all those aches, pains, swollen joints and just plain old fatigue impacts on our lives. However we as health professionals all know that it is totally unacceptable to treat or speak to a client in the way that you were treated, Linnieh. Maybe you have already indicated whether you will take cake this further but the matter should be referred to the practice manager. I hope that you can shrug his ignorance off and not take it to heart. Big hugs. Wendy x

  • Agree with you on that point totally Wndy xx A

  • Hi linnieh

    I am so angry for you. He has obviously had a corisma bipass - what a t*****. I feel you are right to confront him in a calm way and let him know exactly how his comments affected you. Write down all the stuff he says which are unprofessional along with the dates. Is there any chance you can see another doc within the practice?

    I once had a gentleman GI consultant Prof and when he retired he was replaced by a young sharp suited, self opinionated, up himself git. The first and last time I saw him he had 3 young medical students in with him, didn't examine me and made comments he thought were funny at my expense looking at the young women, who just looked embarrased and unconfortable. I had a couple of minutes to decide to either confront him and carry on seeing him or play down my symptoms so he would discharge me. Chose the latter. When my GP referred me again I asked not to see this guy. My new GI con found I had ulcerated and inflammed small bowel.

    I think your situation is more difficult as your consultations will be ongoing, so best to get it all out in the open.

    Wish you luck sweet and please let us know how you get on.

    You are a lovely person and will remain so, he will probably remain insensitive and rude always and who wants to be like that.

    XXX

  • Again I'm blown away but this time by all of your wonderful comments and advice. Thankyou so very much. It's so great to know when we have a good or bad day we can share or be comforted by amazing and brave people. I shall let my doctor know how he made me feel but with the backing of some like minded friends. Loads of gentle hugs to you all.....linnie x

  • I cannot believe the lack of sympathy you got and ignorant remarks this " intelligent well mannered unsympathetic Dr" gave you, I think sometimes we're just a number to them,I had a Dr who wasn't to bothered about me he changed when I sent an EMail to his secretary and said I was reporting him, our relations has changed for the better, if you send EMail you have copy of it GOOD LUCKx

  • I had a similar experience to this where I was told 'what do you expect me to do about it'. When I felt better able I made an appointment with that particular doctor and stated that in future when I walked in I do not want to have that comment said to me. I come to the GP because I have reached the end and can no longer cope alone and I require his help.

    Since then I have never had a repeat and he is always polite. I thought I would try it this way first before escalating up the channel.

  • I agree georje ....I shall speak to him about the comments and how I felt, thought about complaining but I am new to the practise and need support of the team rather than funny looks ... Thanks for caring take care x

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