Travel and swelling

wow, Ive just travelled 5hrs in a car, from Lincoln where i live to Poole in Dorset to see my mum, she moans that i dont travel down enough to see her but she doesnt understand how sore and swollen i get. But i got the guilt trip and ended up travelling to see her yesturday, arrived very swollen and very sore and completely knackered. im only here til tuesday and i think its going to take a day or two to come to life, then im back doing it in reverse!!! and still even tho im swollen, sore etc, mum is going on Judy can u do this Judy can you do that etc etc etc. |she still doesnt appreshiate what im going through, ive had this condition for 15+yrs ago and still she doesnt care, ok maybe im moaning too much sorry lol

Love to all Judyxx

7 Replies

  • Hi Judy

    I'm sorry that your Mum doesn't see the RA, maybe she sees you in a completely different way, is it because she can't let herself think that her daughter is poorly so shies away from it; or maybe she just dosn't understand it. We have all had the yes well my rheumatics are playing upits because of the weather etc, or they have arthritis in their thumb.

    If you happen to have anything with you from the NRAS leave it around or maybe get something sent to her. All that aside it doesn't help you now, so try for an early night rest those joints up, and just try to enjoy your Mum for a few days.

    Best wishes


  • yess poor old julie 55 travelled a lot recently and Tricia.. I physically cant drive very far.I pumped up with steroids and painkiller and these and the fatigue from the tablets RA and Fibro catch up with me so have to be very careful for the sake of insurance. other road users etc.. its better being a passenger I find or use public transport? I thank my chauffeur Julie-55 and Tricias hubbie for their great driving skills x

  • Hi Judy. sorry your mum doesn't seem to understand how you feel. Himself and me drove to Dorset 2 years ago, (me with a broken arm as well so couldn't share the driving) and I was so stiff and achy when we arrived that we almost needed a crane to get me out of the car and was fit for nothing for a night until I had had a good rest. Agree with Tricia - get your mum some booklets from NRAS to read - I am sure she will then have a better understanding. Himself is going down to Bournemouth for a conference next Spring - I am not going but travelling down to meet him at Eastbourne to meet up with friends but I shall be on the train - I couldn't face that journey on my own by car. Get a good rest and enjoy your few days away. LavendarLady

  • Hi Judy

    I know what you mean. My Mum is 94 and lives just around the corner - I see her every day. She finds my RA very hard to accept. I know it is because she hates the thought of me being ill ( and also there is the fear I won't be able to look after her) Early on I gave her the NRAS booklet, thinking it would help her understand. OOps - big mistake. She completely feaked out. She kept on at me to give up the drugs as they were what was causing the trouble. Apparently I shouldn't take anything until I reach the wheel chair stage!!! I only tell her the minimum now which is a shame because a bit of moral support and sympathy would be nice occasionally.


  • Hi Judy

    I know how you feel with the travelling but the worst thing about this awful RA is trying to get people to understand how bad you are feeling. Most of the time it's easier to just say that you are fine and suffer in silence. I often have to go out of the room and have a quick weep and then I feel better. I so totally empathise with SueB and the comment made by her mum - my mother in law is 87 and very active but relies on myself & my husband for all her shopping etc as she won't leave the house. She would rather stay in her own garden and she refuses to see a doctor-she doesnt know how lucky she is that she doesn't need one. I get so fed up of hearing that it is because I am taking so many drugs that I feel so bad - I should just get on with it ! No amount of exlplaining helps the situation and I usually come away wanting to scream at someone ! Until there is more awareness of the severity of RA out there we are all stuck with these awful misconceptions. I do hope you manage to get a few good days with mum before you have to start the long journey home but don't feel bad in having a day off to totally relax because you will need that and we all understand how you feel.

    Chin up & hugs from me (best medicine in the world)


  • Hi Judy

    I have a similar problem with my mum. She suffers from OA in her spine and I know she has a lot of pain but thinks very little of sitting on a coach 300 miles to Manchester 'Now you know how I feel' is what I get. She can't understand the difference between RA and OA and I also gently remind her that I am 25 years younger then her. I lover her to bits but she didn't even read the leaflet I gave her or the fact that I did sit and explain it to her.

    I think we find it hard to accept that we have it and our mother's find it even harder. I have stopped answereing the 'how are you's' becuase she doesn't really listen anyway! They like to think of us as invincible I think and that we will be there for them.

    An hour and a half is about all I can cope with in the car. If we have to go any further we stop regularly for a bit of a walkabout or I would need a hoist!

    I've been in tears over my mum sometimes but I know that if she knew that she would be devastated. Ignorance is bliess eh?

    Love Caroline


  • Hi all, thanks for all the comments and messages, Im home now thank goodness, it was the worst trip to my mums ever!!! lol. I was so so sore and swollen when i arrived on the Thursday eve and i spent the Friday Saturday and sunday not being able to move much, legs up etc... I hate to say this but my mum is selfish, yes she is 70yrs old, yes she has OA and PMR (polymyalgia rheumatica ) which she has had for 8yrs but when she speaks to me on the phone she is really over doing the breathlessness etc (which i didnt realise until this visit) and like Caroline said prevously, yes she askes how i am and when i start to tell her it goes sraight through the ears and turns to her and how bad she is bla bla bla. It got so bad that i felt awful about not going all the way to see her, to find out she isnt as bad as she has made out ( and that was with my nurses hat on) she saw how bad i was, but in her opinion te swelling would be beter if i moved about more!!!! I walk with a stick and if i have to go into town for any reason i have to use a chair!!!!!! I gave her all the books and leaflets but honestly she really isnt interested. Im the eldest im 46yrs old have had RA since the late 80s Fibromyalgia for about 4/5 yrs I moved to lincoln in 1989 when i was well ish..My brother has always been the blue eyed boy he is 3 yrs younger than me and only lives about 1.5 hrs from her hes a copper at healthrow hardly ever goes to see her, but its him this him that, how great he is..... He is perfectly healthy, my baby sister who is 7yrs younger than me lives in north wales and doesnt see much of her as she has just got devorced and has 3 children oldest 13yr and she understands about my RA and has been very supportive over the yrs even she has tried to explain to mum how bad i am at the moment, but mum still doesnt listen, mum seems to think its a competition who is the worst and im definatly not going down that road!!, so im not going to say anything about how i am to her, i will listen to her ramble on about how she is and how "great" my dear brother is etc etc and just concentrate on me, no more feeling guilty about not being able to make a 6hr car drive to see her and suffer for it..

    Now im going to rest up get my strength back so to speak and concentrate on other things.

    Thanks to all, and im sorry yet again for the waffle!! thats all i seem to do on here lol..

    Love to all


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