Life after stroke!? Not yet

Hello Everyone, I havent been on in a while. I am still struggling due to the stroke. Then the first of May I had a bad incident that has changed my life completely. All of this has left me in a fog of depression, All I want to do is cry and sleep. With the RA pain, dealing with other health issues I do not know how much longer I can go on. Yet people (family) thinks that I am suppose to just put everything behind me and carry on. I am going to the Dr today to see if he can help me with the depression. Will anything good ever come my way? I feel like running away, with no where to go. The incident in May has left me in a bad way. I just cant cope. I am ashamed to even say what happened, even though I did not do it, it was done to me. How in the world can life go on? I feel so alone in this life. Anyway, sorry to go on. Will you guys pls pray for me? I greatly appreciate it. Gentle hugs, God bless. Linda

18 Replies

oldestnewest
  • oh Linda whatever it was, it was not your fault and there is no need for you to feel ashamed.

    Having ra and the recent stroke is bound to effect you, never mind the incident. How can you carry on and put everything behind you? You have gread medical needs.

    I sincerely hope your doctor gives you something to help with the depression, it takes very little when you are in pain and tired and your mobility is effected to feel low and depressed.

    I am sending every positive thought i have to you, something good will be just around the corner and you are not alone. Even though we are not sitting at your side I believe and i hope that i am your friend. When you feel low come on here and shout and rant and rave and get it out of your head, if i can do anything i can listen to you so if you feel like it message me.

    All the best Linda and please come back and tell us what the doctor said.

  • I agree with mads you must come and share with us we are all your friend and we don't critisise. We have enough with our aches and pains to inflict any critisism on any one else.

    I quite agree about seeing your gp and i also think you should see about getting counselling as whatever happened has affected you greatly and you do need help my friend. Its bad enough that you have ra and you have had a stroke then on top of that your incident to add to the mix. You will get depression with a stroke and with ra.

    I am sending you cyber hugs and i wish you well my friend.

    love sylvia.xx

  • Hi Linda,

    I agree with Mads, please do come back and let us know how you get on. You have a lot to cope with and we all know what the pain is like.

    I am on here every day and will also do my best to listen to your thoughts.

    Take care and stay in touch.

    Mary x

  • My Friends, I am ashamed to tell you this, but if I dont talk about it I feel like I might explode. I have been married for 36 yrs, it will be 37 in July. My husband has always treated me wonderful, like a queen. Our son on the other is very cruel to me except when it suits him, he & his dad get alone wonderfully. Well about 3 weeks ago they all decided to grill out & invite a friend to our house. I was not feeling well & did not want to. Our house is small enough with our son & his family staying weekends with us I did not feel like having a guest over. It is my home also. so the cookout was cancelled. Our son & his family decided to stay at my parents house instead of with us. Our son was very angry with me b/c I did not want his company to come over. Now remember I have RA, heart attack & stroke. There are times when I dont feel like entertaining. After our son left,my husband was very angry with me which was a shock to say the least. I went into the bedroom to watch tv for a while, then next thing I know my husband started hitting me in the head, then continued to beat me. I was in shock! This man normally treats me like a queen. He said that our son would probably never be back, & that b/c of me we would never see our grandsons. It took him 3 washcloths to wipe MY blood off of him. Monday am a friend took me to the hospital, the said that I was blessed to survive. I stayed away that night, my husband came home & told me he was sorry & that it would never happen again, it might not but I am still in disbelief that it happened in the first place, he wants us to just put it behind us & forget about it. I cant stop crying, all I want to do is sleep. I love him but yet I think I hate him more. I pray the counselor today will help get me straight as to what I want or need to do. 37 yrs is a long time. I just cant believe this happened to me. Please do not think bad of me for telling this, but I am going crazy. Thanks for listening, the bruises & cuts are healing, but my heart is not. Plus the pain from the RA. you would think that after haveing a heart attack then most recently a stroke he would never do such a thing. even is he were angry. Gentle hugs, Linda

  • Hi Linda

    I am shocked. Have faith and I wish you well in your difficult situation.

    Sci x

  • Hi Linda,im so pleased you shared this with us. Even though you are in a sad situation i just pray sharing has brought a tiny bit of a relief to you. I am not shocked at your blog and sincerly hope you can get somewhere with the doctor. Wishing you well. Kerry.x

  • Good luck Linda, I hope you get the help you need, and the strength to do what is right for you. You must put yourself first and take care of yourself.

    All the best for now

    Mary

  • Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the support and sound advice. The counselor was ok. He suggested that when I have the bad days to take xanax 0.25mg. That is exactly what I did yesterday, and I went to bed. Things are so-so with Phillip & myself. I am seeking help in every way possible in out area. I had a friend make pictures of me, 3 copies, 1 for me, 1 for the lawyer, 1 for her to keep. I also have gotten protection in the way of a pistol just in case and I am not afraid to use it if it comes to that. This has never happened to me before. The Dr was very understanding and offered advise that I truly believe that I can follow. Scouser, thank you, and pls do not feel bad for speaking out, you have told the truth, most specially from someone who has been there. Again thanks everyone! Love to all. Gentle hugs, Linda

  • Linda, I really feel for you. It must be so much stress to have this happen after so long together. I'm not sure a pistol is the answer either - but here in england personal weapons are not part of the culture. I hope your counsellor continues to help you, but like others I worry that he won't change. Be strong, and may your health problems get better too. Polly

  • As others have said, in this country personal weapons are not the thing, but the fact that you have one now suggests to me that you are very scared. You shouldn't have to feel like this and I urge you to think about this situation again.

    We RA sufferers have enough to worry about without adding violence into the mix. Spousal aggression is never ok, especially what you have been through. I will pray for you and hope things can be sorted out one way or another.

    My thoughts are with you

    Carolyn x

  • Again thanks everyone, I promise the pistol is not a problem. It is here for protection. There are a lot of break-ins and Phillip leaves for work so early. As far as using it on him, I would not. I promise. But I will never ever take anything like this again! That you can count on. I feel better this morning. I am going thru a grieving period right now, but in the Bible one of my favorite sayings is "This too shall pass" I do believe that I am a stonger person. I was very dependent on Phillip. I honestly believe that now he doesnt know what to think. He is so not use to me doing things myself or even going anywhere by myself. Now I just get my keys and take off. I so appreciate the support and kind words. It felt so good to get this all off my chest! The counselor said yesterday that it would help to be able to communicate this to someone who would listen. I know this site is for RA, but if I didnt have RA I would not have come to this site and then I would not have anyone to share and feel like someone cares enough to listen and offer support. Thanks to you ALL. God Bless, Gentle hugs Linda

  • Hi Linda, I have just read your blog and had to read it a second time as I couldn't believe what I read.It makes me think how lucky I am, with 2 wonderful daughters and a very good family. I agree with what everyone has said. It does make life a little easier to know that there are other people with RA and other health issues who understand about the pain, feeling depressed,feeling that you are on your own,wanting to rant and rave to get it off your chest.I wish you all the luck in the world,please take care. Loads of hugs (Ann) Parkie x

  • Well what can I say that others haven't already said. It's a terribly sad and tragic story and you have indeed reached rock bottom emotionally . My heart goes out to you on every level and will follow your messages, I do hope things improve quickly.

    Please ask for help, speak out and tell friends family drs, reach out, do not feel alone, your not.

    Remember it's not your shame it's his!

    Keep on talking and take care x

  • Thank you Hobbles. I am feeling a bit better. I told my family about this & my sisters do not believe me. Although they would not come over & check on me. They said they cannot believe that Phillip would do such a thing. After my emotions heal & I can face them I want to show them the pics. Maybe then they will believe me. My feelings are hurt at them bc they refused to believe me. I am telling you this has been terrible. My own family! I have felt so alone in all of this. I do have one special friend who has taken wonderful care of me. She made pics. took me to the hospital & I stayed with her for a couple of days. I went to my MD who also saw all the bruises & busted places. Thanks for caring.

    God Bless

    Gentle Hugs,

    Linda

  • Thank goodness for good friends. Shame on your sisters, you would think their loyalty would be with you, how very odd, ! You can choose your friends but not your family I'm afraid. Keep your good friend near, keep talking to the doctors and visit everyone on here until you are emotionally stronger. Little steps. Take good care. Keep strong, get well, your worth it. X

  • Linda, do take care of yourself, maybe it is a good thing that you are starting to do things for yourself, i know it is so hard and sometimes impossible but try and be as independant as you can possibly be so that you don't stay because you depend on your husband. Life has been so difficult for you and it is good that you have sympathetic friends.

  • God be with you, Linda. I'm getting here a bit late, but sure do agree with all the others, you do need to take care of YOU first.

    I was not the victim of physical violence, but verbal abuse from my husband of 29 years. Actually it was over a period of years, I put up with it until my sons were out of the home and on their own and i had recovered from my 5th spine surgery. He couldnot tolerate me not being superwoman, got angry and disgusted every time this dam disease did something else to me, back before we even had MTX. One last straw, though my son was going to be graduating from Med School in a year, I could not put up with his attitude and indifference any longer. That was 21 years ago.

    But one thing to think of. Is there any possibility that your loving husband of 37 years has anything medically, mentally or physically going on that might have made his personality change so much? Does he see a Dr. regularly?

    Would he consent to seeing a Dr. explaining this situation to him and ask for referral for counselling or further investigating? Unless he has had obvious times of being less than loving over a long period of time.

    Is this son an only child? He has two children who all stay there with you? That is a bit too much for anyone with all the things you have had going on. Do you feel your husband is more concerned about this son than he is about you?

    These are all things that would need to be addressed and discussed. If you feel you and your husband can have a nice, pleasant peaceful life togther, if your son was on his own, you might try the counseling, for both of you. If he refuses, by all means get counselling yourself. You will be surprised what a difference it will be for you.

    Please do stay in touch and let us know how you are getting along. This group of people are so helpful, maybe because we don't know each other so personally, we can be most objective. Wonderful you have that one close friend.

    I sure don't understand your sisters. Do they live quite a distance from you? I'd be tempted to get in the car, drive over there and show them! Maybe they didn't think it could be believable that he would do that, but he did!

    \

    Much love and hugs, and prayers that things will get worked out for you. I know you want to keep your family together. BTW, does your son know what his Dad did to his Mom? Regards, Loret

  • Oh Loret, I needed your words of encouragement today! I have been going to counseling on my own. I have had 2 appts and go for the third tomorrow. I dont of anything that has happened to Phillip. I think he might have told me prior to this if it had. You would not believe how nice he is now. He is going above and beyond, but I still have not healed mentally. The bruises have gone, but the memories are still here. I guess it is just going to take time. I have not had anything to do with my sisters since this has happened. I cant believe they have betrayed me like they have, or at least this is how I feel. When I went to the Dr right after this happend, I asked for a drug test, & for a copy. Now if they say anything I can just pull it out and show them, I do not abuse my meds & I am sick & tired of them always accusing me of it, That is what they say about that weekend, that I was on xanax and needed help. Yes our son is an only child. He & his family live about 50 miles for us. I know that I am not perfect, but no one deserves what happened to me. No one. I have pictures now, and when I can and want to I am going to my parents house and show them, I only live less than 5 miles from them. My sisters live next door and across the road from my parents. Actually I feel as though my sisters need to get a life. again thank you for the words of encouragement, Gentle hugs, God Bless, Linda

You may also like...