My RA must be faulty- shocking comments

My RA must be faulty- shocking comments

I haven't developed a rhino hide!

Let me explain.

In the cafe with the family this weekend. Enjoying a panini and a coffee the children playing and mr warrior eating a large slab of flapjack this lady came up out of the blue and said "I don't mean to be rude or anything"

(Warning to the wise- this means invariably she is about to be rude!)

"but are they stopping all the benefits to ones like you"

I just stared at her.

I replied "I wouldn't know"

My 15 yr old asked what all that was all about and I explained that some people see my chair before they see me. Why would someone assume I knew anything about benefits? Purely by my presentation as working age disabled person gave her the right to interrupt our family time together did it?

This goes along with the muttering and pointing when I am parking in disabled spaces with children PLAINLY ON VIEW. Serious no no that! I might even have had sex and clearly more than once! SHOCKING!

We went to doctors to have littlies pre school jabs and she was playing with another little girl. they had a bit of a "not wanting to share moment" so I took littlie to oneside and said "no darling, they arent yours- shall we look at this" and basically settled her. The other childs mum looking at my chair and my wonky hands said "so what relation are you?"

"relation to who?" I asked.

"the little girl" she replied....

"I'M HER MUM!" .... "really?!" her shocked expression said it all!

One thing they dont tell you in the leaflets is to grow skin the thickness of rhino hide! My RA must be faulty as I haven't grown mine yet and these comments really hurt.

Is your RA faulty too? Is there something you should have developed alongside the rhino hide

Please tell me what!

Jennifer Warrior

15 Replies

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  • Some people are so shockingly rude, can you imagine what people with disfigurements have to endure. Pay no attention, they are just ignorant, and as for that woman and her benefits comment, my god, you should have just told her to f... off, but I suppose it is better to be calm. Stay strong warrior!

  • Too right Gina

  • God forbid anyone with any type of disability should want to live a normal life

    what is the world coming to....we should all be kept behind closed doors......

    yeah right I'd like to see 'em try

    You're not called warrior for nothing...head up ..chest out.. be proud and s*d em all !!!!

    Sue x

  • well said Sue

    mand x

  • Hi, and welcome that's the best about this site you can come on here, tell us and we no exactly what you mean as most of us have gone through the same rough ride.

    Back to your blogg, these people are not worth the bother, I've had a RA 17 years and yes sometimes it still hurts but I think it depends how I'm feeling at the time. You know, if I'm a little down I'm a little more sensitive that type of thing. Anyway your right you do have to grow a thick skin but when your children get caught in the cross fire it's sometimes gets a little more personal. Your a stronger person than that you must be, suffering from RA is bad enough, don't let these people get you down. I think in life there will always be people like that no matter how much of a thick skin we have.

    Having RA is bad enough without having to worry about these peoples comments they simply aren't worth your time.

    Take care

    mand xx

  • Good grief arent some people unbelieveable. I dont know why some seem to think they have a right to be so rude. I agree with Sue and Gina keep strong and proud. Sharon

  • It's useful to develop a good line in come backs -

    Rude person - ' you don't look like there's anything wrong with you'

    Self -'and you didn't look ignorant until you opened your mouth just now'

    I regularly get glared at when parking in a disabled space - apparently it's unheard of to be young(ish), glamourous (make-up and dark glasses), out and about AND disabled! I've even been challenged by a grumpy old codger who insisted on seeing the photo on my Blue Badge!!!

    Of course on the other umpteen days when I'm looking and feeling rough, I don't get out and nobody sees me.

    People can be incredibly rude and disrespectful but I find that my reaction depends entirely on how well or not I'm feeling on any given day. Having a good day and it bounces off me, miserable and it wounds.

    It's really important to hold onto the fact that their behaviour tells us about them (and their prejudices) not about us and our worth.

    It's really important to challenge stereotypes of what 'disability' looks like - I work with people who have enduring mental health problems - a disability - who encounter a lot of prejudice and ignorance about their condition.

    Cece x

  • how rude... i always talk to the person in the wheel chair.. not the pusher.. well im poliite and talk to both !!people are stupid... they assume if you are in a wheel chair you cant think or speak?? ignorance...

  • ooh i went to a computer training centre.. usually aimed.. at the more unemployed?,, but open to any one you pay for the exam if employed part time.. like myself but as its £20 for ecdl not bad.. thinking bout it.. but the women.(in charge). i had my sticks!! bad day! snotty cow was so rude... I actually turned and said to her you should try walking when every step hurts.. its a pain cos in some ways apart from the rudeness for mobiltiy access that centre wasnt bad a lift straight up to it. heear collague was more pleasant and was helpful.. and opened heavy door for me etc.. my more local .one is under threat of closure..cuts... and parking.. walking access difficult ..in a quandry..as which if either to go to!!

  • They're lovely, aren't they? I was nearly bounced off into traffic a few times today after a few steely-eyed, "How dare you obstruct our space; I've taken the trouble to come out this Bank Holiday, not to be encumbered by the likes of you!" sort of looks. I don't need a wheelchair, but do use a stick; stairs have been a real challenge for 2 years now. I had the temerity to eat in a fish 'n' chip emporium in Conwy today, (on the way back from holiday in Pwllheli), only for folk to barge past me on 3 steps going down huffing & puffing, looking sympathetically at my husband (the luckiest man in Liverpool for having a wonderful wife who just happens to have RA!). In the car park, someone asked if we were about to vacate space. I said that it was a Blue Badge space, only to be told how lucky I am! I MUST remember how lucky I am everytime my joints ache or my hands swell up. We all should count our blessings!

  • Good lord, its totally unbelievable! I have to say I have not been the target of such abuse,but I have witnessed it,someone told my mother in law once that she didn't need a blue badge. She has a pacemaker two dodgy knees and is crippled with arthritis in her ankles, she absolutely refuses to use a wheelchair and props herself up with hubby until he can latch her onto a trolley. It usually takes her about 2 hours to get round the supermarket to get a bit of shopping for the two of them. If she didn;t battle to do it, she would just be indoors all day watching the world go by. It makes you want to spit!

  • Good grief, it really is astounding how rude people can be! Putting all my energy into growing a thick skin as I type :)

  • I know it hurts as i swore at a bloke once after i'd said excuse me 3times his reply was don't think just because your in a scooter you get special privilages. I won't repeat what i said to him, i answered him back, but afterwards and to this day it still hurts. My answer to your question is to answer back, then they might think twice before they say hurtful things like that again. As for the benefits issue that worries me too, I'm unable to drive my car let alone go to work and i don't know how i'll cope if my benefits get stopped.Why is it the truly disabled people who need the help are always targetted first. Give as good as you get, your a lot better than those ignorant so and so who don't know what their talking about. luv sylvi. xx

  • Hi warrior it makes you want to spit, I have had someone tell me off for parking in a disabled space outside Boots, I do have a blue badge but it was a day when I really needed to take my car into the shop lol as each step hurt, The old lady who told me off for parking came into the shop and when she was nearby and I was collecting my script, I asked the pharmy quietly to emphasise the painkillers loudly, and then when I was handed over my 2 big bags of meds did the miserable old bag look slightly embarrassed.

    Tricia x

  • Thanks for the support! Rhino hide on order....;-) Well, I have had my toe nails painted rhino hide colour (silvery bluey grey anyway!)

    Some people say dreadful things don't they!

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