Reply to Julie, Thank you, Coming to accept it.

[Tricia-P]

Julie

You have written just what I have said to hubs this week. You have put into words what I felt like it's taken me so long to come out of my dark space as I suppose I had to do this once before. My Tale of Woe....

12 years ago I was diagnosed with MS, the young fresh faced baby ward doctor, actually said well the good news is you don't have syphilis but you do have MS. I went down into that black hole of despair I ran my own catering company I specialised in handmade fancy cakes, Cup Cakes if only i had called them that!!! and I did weddings, funerals and an occasional cricket tea. I gave it up my hands didn't do what I wanted them to do and very soon after that my back started to really hurt, lower spine it was the MS they said, 6 months went by and I could only walk 20 yards then had to stop, my arms and hands hurt I had headaches that made me just want me to die. I lived on painkillers, Evening Primrose Oil, and a low protein High polyunsaturated diet.

I finally went to the Drs on a Tuesday in April 2003 the doc saw me and said you have a slipped disc (where did that come from) go and lay down on the floor that will be best thing and rest.

I duly lay down watched medical diagnosis with Dick van Dyke ?? I dozed off, when I woke I felt very strange and when I tried to move I couldn't, if I tried to turn the pain was excruciating, I literally wet myself I had no bladder control, then I rang 999, hubs and Drs.

They all came and I was whisked off to the hospital in Coventry, we must have managed to bully some poor person off the MRI machine as I was in one within an hour of getting to the A & E. I started to panic I was gulping gas and air for the pain, my best friend arrived and she looked after hubs. I said my good byes to them and asked for the children to come to the hospital. When I came out of the MRI the consultant came to see me and said I needed to get into theatre straight away as I had no spinal fluid from my spine C1 through my coccyx up to T1 then it was clear then I had a further growth C1 –C2 -3. The reason I had headaches was the spinal fluid was not getting round properly and I then had no feeling in my legs for the same reasons but the pain was the nerves being pushed out of place. I had a spinal stenosis.

The surgeons all met and tossed a dice to see who would operate, a lovely man from Jordan did the operation, 11 hours later for him 17 for me I woke up, and he was by my bed with hubs and my 2 lovely children. He asked me how I felt I remember saying ooh! You have a morphine pump just push the switch, no I said, oh I don’t hurt, and I can feel my toes. 3 days later to resounding applause from the staff and patients on the ward I walked up and down the corridor.

Dr Machety came and talked to us, he apologised I’m so sorry he said you have been living with a terrible disease not knowing where it will strike you next. Please don’t worry anymore it was a wrong diagnosis. You don’t have Multiple Scleroses you had a stenosis of the spine. You will need a bit of TLC for a few weeks but that’s it.

I was sent home that afternoon they had MRSA on the ward.

Now Julie when you were saying about mourning, I remembered this time in my life, I didn’t have MS it was a stenosis they operated it’s gone. When everybody had gone back to their homes after looking after me, I sat and cried and cried some more, I had lived with MS for 6 years, we had planned our life on that diagnosis did that young Dr give me someone else’s diagnosis. I even phoned The Samaritans once as I thought I was going mad, why was I feeling so sorry for myself, I had something its gone get on with it. That’s my advice to myself normally.

When I was diagnosed 2 ½ years ago with Viral Poly Rheumatica, it should have been gone within 6 months, it didn't it got worse then I was told sorry it’s Sero – negative Rheumatoid Arthritis, I just thought Blood De ja vu. I’m waiting for another sorry it wasn’t that maybe it’s syphilis lol.

Julie you put into beautiful words what I have felt like and am sure what our other bloggers have felt. I like you can still walk and talk together at the same time, I can travel to far off climes with a little planning, I still pull up weeds in the garden and play race with the Grandson he runs I count, I have got Sero – Negative Rheumatois Arthritis but I’m alive, in love with my hubs, I'm well I don't consider i'm ill I just have RA, and I'm happy.

Thank you for your Blog.

Best wishes

Tricia x

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Hi Tricia - SNAP

Lol - onward and upward hey? Like the piccy of you and your bit of stuff on a tropica island? Hope the hand is healing well.

You certainly have had a lot thrown at you over the years, but it is good that through it all you can be positive. It feels good to be in charge and not the other way round!

Take care Julie x

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aah ladies you are so great xx

[emandedmum]

My thoughts exactly Alison x

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Thinking of you too Tricia, and your right when we have a scare like that it makes us feel lucky to be alive. We all have gone through so much in our own way but being on here and able to share our life experiences we don't feel quite so alone.

Take care Tricia

mand xx