Depression

[rab1874]

Morning Folks I’m glad to say I reached out for help last night after being in a dark place and fighting with my demons, I’ve been going to reach out for a while now but haven’t had the guts to ask for help and have been bottling things up for 4 years since I was diagnosed with RA and all the inner demons that go with this horrible disease,but if anyone’s struggling then please talk to someone as I have and feel a weights been lifted off my mind 👍

[Shalf]

Hi Rab, Thanks for posting what is truly a significant part of this disease.

I think it would be impossible for most to not feel emotionally torn dealing with RA. The very fact that some symptoms cannot be seen is frustrating beyond belief. Trying to make others understand is difficult and some peoples replies to our grief drives us up the wall. RA has changed my life without a doubt. I have to consider this disease before doing anything now. The days of spontaneous activity have gone! I am so glad you got to express yourself. Sounds like you had a good listener there. I have been offered antidepressants since my diagnosis but have not been keen to take them. The best antidepressant is communication and understanding. Brilliant you feel that weight off your shoulders.

Continue taking good care of yourself

Suzie x

[sylvi]

So glad you reached out for help, thats the first fight out of the way darling, now you need to get brighter(I never say better as we are never going to get better) and if the dr suggests some tablets my advice is take them(doesn't mean you have to be on them for life) they will help believe you me they do help. I am on them and they are called amytrptaline and I take them at night and they help me to sleep as well as help with my depression(yes I suffer with depression) I hope you soon feel brighter darling. xxx

[Hidden]

We all suffer with with depression to some degree this disease takes over both physically and mentally. Our coping mechanisms are all different and sometimes we need that little bit of extra help take it get through it . You found your extra help 👍 good to share as to let others know that there is light.

[rab1874 in reply to Hidden]

I thought I was invincible because I served 6 years with the Armed Forces and just bottled everything up, this disease is a leveller as is Mental health, we might look great on the outside but inside its turmoil and having to fight for everything were due takes its toll eventually

[Hidden in reply to rab1874]

Yes I get you I hide behind my smile and laugh. hate to be seen as weak and often feel a burden

[Paisley58 in reply to Hidden]

I can relate, this is me all over

[jayne17 in reply to rab1874]

Yes this disease really gets to you both physically and mentally, not something that is understood by many at all. "Look good on the outside" I'm pleased for you really. I don't have that thought about myself at all, so I suppose over the years (20 plus) it's taken away my confidence and general feeling good about myself. And you're right, having to fight for everything ie PIP, it's demoralising and makes me feel a worthless benefits cheat. Oh dear I'm sorry everybody, where did all that come from!!!

[Shalf in reply to jayne17]

Jayne, it came from inside. Your feelings, frustration, disappointment in people and so on. We all understand.

Re pip, ask the DWP if any others with RA get it? If so, why don't you.

No matter the severity of this disease, it's still hard to live with and it's incurable. That's a valid enough argument.

Your GP SHOULD be fighting your case!

Good luck. X

[attatel in reply to Shalf]

Jayne I sympathise completely. I've had to go through the PIP thing and it's really stressful. Not least because you're in the ridiculous position of hoping you don't feel too well on the day you're assessed. The last thing we need is having to worry we might have a good day! (I got higher rate for daily living but only standard for mobility although I'm pretty much housebound). Just glad it's all over.

Have you had the assessment yet?

[attatel in reply to Shalf]

Shalf unfortunately there isn't much the GP can do beyond confirming your diagnosis and giving their view of how it affects you. The DWP makes its own decisions about whether they consider you disabled or not. They apparently know better than the GP or consultants.

[Shalf in reply to attatel]

It's ridiculous, it really is.

On a positive note I did see a programme recently about changes with the DWP and their assessors.

[attatel in reply to Shalf]

Let's hope so. Although I think the assessors are under a lot of pressure themselves to find people fit for work even when they patently are not. The whole system is very stressful and terribly unfair to people already struggling to cope with disabilities.

[Hidden in reply to Shalf]

That will be the day it will cost too much for a good shake up of the system 🙁😡

[Paisley58 in reply to jayne17]

That's exactly what currently going through the PIP thing is making me feel, like a thief because I have to stop working because my body just couldn't cope any more. It's such a slap in the face

[rab1874 in reply to Paisley58]

Stay strong your entitled to it although the government wouldn’t make you think that, it’s an absolute disgrace the way the DWP are treating people

[Paisley58 in reply to rab1874]

Thank, trying to remain positive despite the PIP nonsense

[Hidden in reply to Paisley58]

Yes !! Pip is not supposed to be means tested but helps us if you read the 🤬 on the pamphlet. I now only work one and a half hours a day during school term. I still struggle with these hours but need the money.

Things won’t change. All these assessors earn good money which could be given to those that need it. Priorities are all wrong

[Georgiab123 in reply to Hidden]

Hi jl707 I’m the same work one and a half hours a day lunchtime at a school beside where I live , just been turned down for pip mandatory but going to go to appeal, all lies from the asseser terrible

[Hidden in reply to Georgiab123]

I hear you I’m also appealing again lies. I use to work in the before and after school club but can’t manage it now. Shocking how we are treated. Who can fake this disease the medication alone should make them realise.

Good luck let us know how you get on

[Georgiab123 in reply to Hidden]

Will do was disgusted what she said I even had a doctors letter in nothing helps, appeals are 30 weeks here in Newcastle terrible

[Paisley58 in reply to Georgiab123]

I truly hope it all works out this time, but what an awfully long time to wait

[Georgiab123 in reply to Paisley58]

Yes paisley58 30 weeks it will be nearly a year before my first pip form was sent, terrible when your really in pain was hoping to give job up, my GP and consultant not happy at all

[Paisley58 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah my last GP was really angry about this; he said how can a whole department over ride what a GP and Rheumy say; obviously they should know best; plus you would not be taking this kind of medication if it was serious so why put a whole community through this; it's just cruel.

Fingers and toes crossed your appeal will be successful.

[attatel in reply to Paisley58]

If you haven't had the assessment yet, or if you know someone going through it, I'd recommend having it recorded. They make it very difficult to do this - you're not allowed to use anything digital so I had to buy two old cassette recorders second hand - but I think it's worth it.

I'd also recommend a good advice website. Benefits and work are really good. They give you a blow by blow guide to everything. Unfortunately some of the advice you have to subscribe for but again I think it's worth it if you possibly can. There's also a lot of good free advice on that website. Citizens Advice and other disability advice groups can also help.

Good luck with it and I hope you get through it ok. It really is such a stressful, horrible process, designed to prevent people from claiming benefits they're legally entitled to, so far as I can see.

[JFlay]

It's good to hear you have opened yourself up for help, which is more difficult for a lot of men to do (I know this from my brother's problems 🙄) all the best and hope you go from strength to strength 🙏💪

[janmary]

A big step - well done and best wishes.

[Nsmith13]

I wish we we had a group where we could all meet up and discuss are moods and how we are trying to cope I feel so lonely at times plus I’ve had another kidney infection and had bad reaction to antibiotics plus the heat love not been on forum for a while but I always have a look and it does help a lot just to know there are others looking and trying to help if only with a few kind words take care x

[rab1874 in reply to Nsmith13]

Luckily in Oban there’s a group going and it’s going from strength to strength and they’ve started a women’s 1 as well, is there nothing in your area xxx

[Nsmith13 in reply to rab1874]

Not that I have been told about not for ra I might ask my ra nurse next time I see her

[nomoreheels]

A big well done for taking that first step. Believe me I know it's difficult, more so for men. Unfortunately the support my h received & was having some effect from has whittled to nothing & no sooner did he gain the trust of someone the time allocated, 6 sessions, ended & had to start all over again with someone else. Now 6 months later he's desperate again for help, nothing is forthcoming so do try to hold on to whichever avenue you found to help you, it's imperative you do.

[Hidden]

Hi Rab

Amazing you DID it. I mentor a lot at work with people with anxiety and I always tell them taking that first step recognising you need help and making a call is a good place to be. We all need someone who is not family/friends too, that you can say some of the horrible thoughts out loud without stressing them out.

Glad you feel better for doing this and reaching out with a virtual hug for you xx

[Fruitandnutcase]

Good for you, really sound advice from a brave person who obviously knows what’s what. All the best for your future.

[Hidden]

Sooo pleased for ya rab! Things can only get better from now on! You have seen your light at the end of the tunnel, keep shining bright young man. 🤗X

[Joy32joy32]

Hi Rab ,

It’s good that you have finally reached out to someone, it’s the first step in trying to feel better.

Without going in to too much detail, in my family I have someone close who has battled with depression all their life . The mental health care where we live is awful !

The impact on his partner is so bad that she too ended up very down as she was battling with RA , all I will say is they got a puppy who has totally transformed their lives .

The whole process of bringing up the puppy who is now over a year old was hard going but so worth it!

It takes their minds off of how they are feeling and has given them both so much love and joy.

I hope that you can find something that will bring the sunshine back into your life , if a puppy is too hard to manage , maybe a little kitten or a cat !

It really does help .

I hope you soon find some peace and joy in your heart

Take care

X

[rab1874 in reply to Joy32joy32]

I be got 5 grand kids that’s enough at the moment lol

[Shalf in reply to Joy32joy32]

Love this! Dogs are truly medicinal. Well done to your family. Thanks for sharing. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Joy32joy32]

I agree dogs can do something else that no medicine can wouldn’t be without mine. Went against me for my pip though apparently I can look after my dog ??????

[JFlay in reply to Hidden]

That is absolutely disgusting! ☹️

[Georgiab123 in reply to Hidden]

Terrible I purposely didn’t mention mine,

[Asheen]

Great to hear your in a better place, who helped you?

[rab1874 in reply to Asheen]

It’s called Martyn’s Monday Club a charity in comparison with hope 2 you, we meet every Monday but you can call them anytime or pop in, and I’m considering doing a couple off days charity work just to give something back xxx

[MagicalMarjieXx]

Glad you reached out and spoke to someone, it can be a lonely journey, but community's like this one can really help, just to know we are not alone and there are like minded people that will listen 🌟

[Thewhim]

Hi it is so good to hear , I thought it was me being week , thank you for sharing , it has helped me think about what I need to do xx

[Shalf]

Rab, I believe depression is a subject that people are generally fearful to speak about. Some say a taboo subject!

You have opened us up with your courage and personally I thank you.

[rab1874 in reply to Shalf]

It’s a big part off this disease and I remember my GP saying to me last year ,are you depressed and of course trying to hide it I said no and just shut myself down to outsiders including my family who didn’t understand this disease, but it’s onwards and upwards and I know some battles ahead will be hard but I’m getting the help now so I can see the light xx

[Shalf in reply to rab1874]

Brilliant Rab, good for you. X

[attatel]

Well done for opening up about it Rab. That's massive! I hope you manage to access some decent counselling as well. Mental health implications are really neglected with RA I think.

You've done the hardest part now so onwards and upwards with any luck. All the best! x

[Hessie5]

Great step forward, you are going to feel a great weight lifted off your shoulders. Well done. As you can see from the love and support here, you are not alone, we all share this frustrating journey, the ups and downs - as we share our arduous journeys living life with RA/D.

Wishing you strength, blessings and wisdom to get through.

Hessie x

[SarahJane926]

Thanks for sharing, absolutely, seeking help is the biggest and scariest first step but so worth it. I'm currently having counselling and it's working wonders, my therapist is amazing and he said a lot of the time , we're not grieving for our "old selves/lives" before this horrible disease came upon us. It is a serious struggle to find you can't do the things you used to do and for many of us, it's as simple as getting dressed, standing up or holding a knife and fork.

Sending lots of positivity and love to the RA family <3

Keep fighting x

[Purplebricks]

Accept all the help offered to you. I had a brilliant councillor that really helped had ra for 40 year and profoundly deaf for 10 and felt as the had nothing to look forward to. I have come out of the dark tunnel and now waiting for a cochlear implant. Never thought this possible and the happy pill also worked .it will take time..Good luck chin up x

[Jules2002]

Hi Rab, Thank you for your post. I have RA and deal with depression too which are both thankfully being treated well. I hope that you have a good rheumatologist. My life has been amazingly different since starting Embril almost 12 years ago. Hang in there! We are all in this together

[mickam]

Hi. Like you I have a number of chronic health problems which, like you, cause me to suffer from depression so I know how disabling it can be. I also know how difficult it can be to seek help so well done you for taking that first step. I don't know about you but for a long time I felt that it would be an admission of defeat, and that I would be a weakling, a failure if I had to ask for help. That's ridiculous, of course, and I know realise how stupid it was of me to suffer in silence for so long. Also I think that when it's happening to us it seems like we are the only ones affected and nobody will care, untrue. there are so many of us out there suffering from depression that the numbers are frightening. Fortunately, in my area at least, there is excellent help available although, I realise, that's not true everywhere. At least you are getting help. Good luck for the future.

[Paisley58]

Hi Rab1874 thank you for posting this; I have to say that I have recently been struggling with depression. It started last year, but it has been creeping upon me for quite awhile I just didn't notice until I suddenly found myself unable to get up one morning. I felt like what was the point, I was in pain yet again, nothing at the time was working, all treatment had been stopped while the Rheumy team tried to find something else and on top of that the DWP was on my case.

It took this space for me to realise that since my diagnosis I had one goal in mind to get back to my pre Sarcoidosis & R.A life. I never grieved the loss of my past life, never accepted my diagnosis because I was focused on getting better which in my mind looked like both of those diseases gone. Plus, I was so up myself with look despite this disease I had my 'shit' together, I had a new career and I didn't let those life changing diseases make me miss a step. I thought, I've beat cancer for christ sake, these two must be a doddle, as you can see totally delusional

However, you as so RIGHT, when you find the right ear it is a God send, a weight shifted. I am so happy that you have found that, long may it continue. Thank you for posting because I don't think I would have had the guts to say all of this and guess what it's my job to listen to others LOL!!! I hope things continue to improve for you and I have learnt on this incredicable journey that's okay if it takes a wrong turn every once in awhile; just have to take it one day at a time.

[slidingdoors]

Hello, just read your post and was wondering if you wouldn't mind saying who you reached out to? I've had RA for approx 8 years, I was coping until now. I Can't drive at the moment due to other health issues, I'm also in-between treatments, but the RA is so apparent. I have spoken to NRAS volunteers and my rheumatologist said he was going to put me in touch with someone but that hasn't materialised.

Well done for reaching out. I'm someone who also finds it difficult to reach out but enough is enough as I'm slowly going out of my mind. I really hope you don't mind me asking. Thanks

[rab1874 in reply to slidingdoors]

I reached out to a charity called Martyn’s Monday Club who do a fantastic job in Oban where I stay, they’ve also started a Women’s group , is there any groups where you stay

[slidingdoors in reply to rab1874]

Thanks for that. Sadly, I don't think there is. I did contact a group called 'Well Being', but felt they didn't really help. I think I'm really looking for groups where other RA sufferers meet up, so I can have that face to face contact. I will keep looking! Thanks again.

[Booboo40]

Hi Rab 1874. Bit out of my depth. Booboo 40.

[rokia]

So glad you have as I would not be able to 👌