Since having RA in 2014 I have to admit that my house is now a mess. Not only do I not have the energy to tackle the ordinary days to day (or weekly/monthly) routine tasks but my list of repairs and maintenance tasks is ever increasing. And it's now becoming a very real concern for me and I'm working 5 days a week - part time. I have little help from family or close friends and can't afford to employ help.
Is anyone else feeling as though their home is out of control? Or has anyone who has been through this phase suggest how to cope better? I have thought very long and hard about the minimalist approach to living but not yet taken the plunge. Maybe hiring a skip would be the first step (and climbing into it!).
I totally understand where your coming from, it causes me anxiety when I look around and just want to cry, in my head I think oh yeah I’ll do this, this and this today and then I get up to do it and every joint in my body just aches or I’ll do a little bit then I’m exhausted, I wish I had the answer but unfortunately I don’t, but at least your not alone. 😉
Yeeeees I know 😱 I wish I had a pound for every time I thought in my head what I was going to do then ending up not doing it, it’s so good to know I’m not the only one but like you say very frustrating 🤦♀️x
Maybe it’s time to ask family and friends for help I am sure they would I did that mistake and never asked but had to in the end it’s like admitting your not coping which was so hard for me as I am very independent person but I no my limitations now so be bold and ask they can either say yah or nay good luck x
I feel for you! In OZ, most local councils have volunteer teams that can help with some of this stuff. Might that be the case in the UK? Otherwise a Skip and help from friends might be the go. Cheers
It isn't a great feeling if you feel your house is out of control is it.
Have you made a list of 'jobs' needing doing? My Mum wasn't local and had very bad OA from 50 yrs onwards. When we visited she would always give us a few items on the list to attend to. Some for me, some for OH. If she didn't have the necessary tools she would ask us to bring them. We never minded. It gave us something to do, and we felt good helping her. (This was pre my OH having RA.) Falling down curtain rails, broken blinds, light bulbs needing replacing, stuff for charity shop etc. This week our daughter and SIL were here and we said how we were looking forward to 'relatives' helping to clear the overgrown plants in the pond. It wouldn't occur to them to offer (bless), but they will happily help if asked. I think they would be much less enthusiastic to vac, but whats a bit of dust between friends. I recommend asking for help. If you wait for an offer, it could be a long wait...
I completely sympathise with you. Gone are the times where I would play music and actually enjoy doing a spring clean! The lack of energy on some days just doesn't allow it. I've been trying to change a duvet cover, gave up and went into bed instead! Ridiculous really.
You've just reminded me to do the bedding! What would we do without washing machines?! And that was only 50 odd years ago when it would take my mum all day (and some) to do the wash. I'm so glad we can still live independently to some degree.
I was like you, then got pip and that pays for help. I couldnt manage without. I suppose if you work you wont get it, not sure, others may know the answer to that. I agree with others now is the time to ask for help. However if you just mean a bit of dust thats nothing but I was way beyond that and it took quite a while to get house sorted. I wish you all the very best to get it sorted. ☺
Hi, thanks Ruth. Like you, it's just far worse than dust - it seems to be everything! My mum is 88 years old and her house is spotless, so when she apologises for the mess I feel so much worse about my house. I've tried to ignore it for the past 3 years but I know it's not right and affecting my mood. So, I'll look into the PIP idea and see if that might be the solution. Great tip (excuse the pun).
When it gets on top of me I make lists. Things that need doing NOW, things that need doing SOON, things that someone else will have to do. The latter now includes any electrical work which I used to enjoy sorting out but I can't manage the fiddly things anymore.
I've handed over the vacuuming to my partner and I dust. It doesn't get done as often as I would like but it is done occasionally especially if it rains! I sort out his computer, his accounts.... and get him to do the heavy lifting.
Hi
I'm totally with you on making lists. Having been a single mum with three kids they have become part of me! They are better than sliced bread.
And I also love rainy days because it forces me to stay in doors and face up to the house work for as long as I have the energy.
I guess another solution would be to find myself a better half but, on past experience, perhaps not. I don't think I can trust my judgement anymore! A robot would be ideal though.
Or maybe someone could engineer some sort of in house reverse air flow equipment, which sucks all dust and dirt particles up and out of a chimney, making cleaning a thing of the past.....it could be called The Room 101 Clean Machine - or maybe not.
Writing this post has helped me to realise I need to do something and I now have quite a few ideas to help.
Little and often is the way I've coped with housework, don't let it pile up otherwise the thought of tackling it as well as the physical exertion is too much.
Pole-dark, I'm in the same boat ,my once lovely flat requires some serious TLC. I try to do little and often, but it is hard. I have learned to ask for a bit help with the things I cannot do like hoovering. A friend suggested one of the little robot hoovers, she finds it good on her wooden floors, but I have carpets. I'm not sure how well they would clean a fully carpeted flat ?
dunno if this helps... borrowed daughter's i-robot to see and for me it took more effort than a v lightweight vac would.I found it good for big clutter free spaces w/tiles or wood floor but not for several smaller rooms. dunno abt crpet tho'. x
I feel exactly the same. I work FT from home and have 3 kids. I was always so house proud but just can’t manage anymore. My house and clutter overwhelms me to the degree that sometimes I just want to cry. I have gone From being super organised to a total mess. Part of the stress of having to live like this contributes to my illness. I don’t sleep well and have to conserve my energy to work as I am the main breadwinner. It’s so hard. I always make plans to tackle jobs but the weekend comes I’m
exhausted and just want to rest. I’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time but also relieved to know that I am not the only one who is experiencing this.
Waiting for remission so I can get back to being super organised and tidy.
Hi, there. Pole-dark! I’m in the same boat. I have a little garden area that I was so proud of but last year and this year have been too difficult for me to keep it weeded. Last year I squeeked by but this year my cone flowers were so overgrown with vines and weeds I set upon it on Saturday with clippers and a vengeance which I later paid dearly for with a flare that brought me to tears. I also work part time and worry what happens when I can’t do my job. I’m older and thought seriously yesterday about going to a senior apartment. I think I will look at a few. I don’t want to leave the house because of the yard but I’m at a loss. Tough enough getting old. Worse with any autoimmune to boot.
Never get beyond Item 1 on the same list ( tidy kitchen) that has been going on for months. Husband in same boat We spend a lot of time snoozing in different chairs,,.... has become almost like a little holiday. Daughter flew in from 1000 miles away and spent her time here wielding a cobweb brush,
Have tried employing someone and, even paying 40% above minimum pay level, I am amazed at the lack of knowledge and competence. One , waving a duster over the table and sitting next to it, patted the chair next to her and said' Oh, do sit and chat. I love to have a chat while I'm working'
ANY useful solutions you might have distilled from your replies, please.
Skip not an option. Husband's book/ cd/ etc collection spreads over every room. When I demur, his answer ' Oh, but I got them for my retirement' When I give/ throw anything of mine away he immediately fills the hole. He has recently ( at a very advanced age) learned how to use a card and Amazon so his cornucopia is never ending
The only way I can cope is to spend about 20 minutes a day doing a little task, usually after my legs have started moving in the morning. Don’t do it all at once dust or hoover one room then rest. If you do a little every day and rest a lot in between you can get most things done. Pace yourself, pace yourself, pace yourself and do ask for help.
Don’t know if it’s suitable for everyone but I invested in a dyson rechargeable V6 hoover, much lighter than normal hoover, easy to manoeuvre does carpets and hard floors. No cables to trip over or massive cylinder to drag around. Been a lifesaver for me if only because I’m not so stressed looking at mess anymore 😂
Very much agree with Leics about the advantages of a Dyson rechargeable stick-type vacuum cleaner - mine's a V8 and we bought it and all the attachments while on offer - brilliant machine and, for me, money well spent when I could not manage my old 'big' Dyson any longer!
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