Many of you will remember how I struggled when first diagnosed with RA last August. It took a while for my rheumy to get the right combination of drugs but when I began triple therapy with methotrexate injections in January, everything seemed to suddenly get better.
Physically, the pain, stiffness and aching improved. Even the dry mouth and dry eyes was better. But the chronic exhaustion and low mood continued. In fact, mentally I am in a worse position than I was 9 months ago.
I have tried to go back to work for a few days a week but with my job, as a graphic designer, I am expected to do long days with quite a bit of commuting and by the end of the first day, I felt dreadful. All the aches and pains returned and I became so afraid of doing an awful job the following day. Plus most of my clients expect a full weeks work, and I just cant physically do that yet. So it's very hard just to get 2-3 days work. It seems to be all or nothing.
In a nutshell, I'm not in a good way. I cry all the time and am very low. I can't see a future at all without having to change careers. I have no friends here I have moved (last November) and I don't feel like meeting new people when I'm not myself. I went to see the occupational therapist who was very kind and gave me links to "Talking Therapies" but said I was obviously depressed and should go back to my GP.
The GP said the waiting list to see a counsellor was 4 months. She said to tide me over while I wait, I should go on antidepressants, so prescribed Citalopram 10mg. I hate the idea of antidepressants because talking therapy has helped me so much in the past. But I started taking it. I didn't know what else to do.