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Sorry I haven’t been around

Sorry I haven’t been around guys. I’ve had a very stressful couple of months. 2 weeks before Christmas I came home to a notice stuck on my door (to the public eye that makes it look like I’ve done something wrong!!) and when I called the company it was from I learned my landlord had defaulted on his mortgage repayments. So this company was taking over and was reassured that I wouldn’t have to leave and that I would justend up with a new landlord at some point as it would be sold onto an investor. 2 weeks after Christmas and I get an eviction notice through my door stating I have to vacate the property by 12th march. Baring in mind I’m a single mum of a 6 and 4 year old the stress and hurt has been unbelievable. Luckily I’ve just moved into a new home for me and the children but my anxiety and stress is through the roof due to the whole situation that happened. That house was mine and the children’s fresh start after their dad left us almost 2 years ago and although it was small and eventually I did want to move to somewhere bigger (which now I have) it’s just the way it’s been done and it’s really scarred me. Anyway I must say the whole moving process which as most of you will know is an exhausting process and I have realised just how much my body can still do. I’m not saying I’ve suffered a little for over doing it but when I was first diagnosed I isolated myself quite a lot in fear of doing anything but the whole moving house and being so busy has shown me I can still live a decent life and my knees haven’t been too bad considering!! Watch me have a massive flare now I’ve said all this. I know we have to be careful not to over do it but what I will say to people who, like me were too afraid to try, sometimes you’ve got to see what you can do and if you over do it then you know next time not to do so much. But I’ve learned I have to try so I know. Otherwise I’d have stayed a recluse fearing stepping foot out of the front door. Hugs xxx

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Good to see that yous have settled after the stress yous have had, hope things settle down and yous can enjoy your new home xxx

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Thankyou very much xx

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Well all I can say is be very proud of yourself that you got yourself together " and did what needed to be done .I'm absolutely sure that you were beside yourself. Just the idea of moveing fills me with panic. Especially when you know that you can just about make it to do some house work or cook a meal let alone haveing children. Give yourself a big pat on the back and enjoy your new home. Here's hoping that it's a new start and you can be putting all that behind you. Keep going haveing stress on you makes for more flare ups. God bless it's so great haveing such nice feedback from all of you. And all postive. 👌

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Wow, well done, I take my hat off to you, dealing with all that. Here's to a happier future and fewer worries for you now. And I hope no massive flare occurs! Take it easy now!

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It’s true what they say, we don’t realise how strong we are until we have to be, although eventually we get fed up of being strong! Thanks very much and I will definitely try 😁 x

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Hi, Very sorry to hear what you have been through, but you should be very proud of yourself on what you have achieved. Wishing you every happiness in your new home as well as being pain free. Candy

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Thank you so much lovely. I am proud in a way. I don’t want to moan but I have had a challenging life constantly from being 11 years old and nothing has seemed to run smoothly for me, especially losing my mum to cancer at 17 but I’ve just had to pick myself up so some happiness and just a peaceful life is very welcome xxx

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Well here’s to a new home, new start and some happiness for you. Candy

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THAT is awful.i would have fallen to pieces. I'm glad you were strong for your children and you x

Bleeding landlords. Not many good ones out there x

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Well I’ve only had positives from my new one so far. But nothing is ever certain in renting I guess. Oh I shattered my world trust me, I just had to keep it together in front of the kids and make it an adventure for them. I had no other option. Thanks Hun xx

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Proud of you. X

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Well done you for keeping it together for the kids it could not have been easy for you.Stay strong xx

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O my goodnes you poor thing and i thought i was stressed! Well done for getting through all that on your own, just goes to show how strong you are. Hopefully better times ahead for you and yr lovely kids now, you deserve it xx

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Hugs to you darling. I was about to message you to see if you were alright. Wondered where you were. 😘 What a stressful time and you have coped remarkably with it and well done. I hope you feel more relaxed now and you will be able to relax and feel better. Huge hugs. xx

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Thanks Hun 😁 I’m still here plodding on! I guess it shows the Mtx must be doing some wonders if I’m managing all the stress and hard work with not many repercussions hey! Haha. Thankyou for your concern for me Hun xxx

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WOW! Just goes to show how much inner-strength you have, when dealing with a sudden 'crash course' like that. But WELL DONE YOU, you should be proud of yourself.

Here's hoping that you & your children will soon settle back into a routine together, & make your house your home 🏡

Ruth x

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Thanks Hun I hope so too!! When the kids dad left us it took me 2 months to just move from the sofa and stop crying. This time I found a house, viewed it and put in for my credit checks the same day as getting the eviction notice. I just took control of the situation the best I could. I couldn’t let my children see me in such a state again and I needed to sort things for them. Hopefully all will be ok now xx

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I suppose it's a case of when needs must Hels, but so sorry to hear of your upset. Fingers crossed you don't flare & I hope your new place is looking & feeling like home now. You should feel very proud of yourself for providing a safe home for your boys, & you of course! x

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Thankyou Hun. Exactly Hun I had no time to lick my wounds it was a case of get something sorted for me and my children. I do in a way Hun but then I think that anyone would do the same in that situation xx

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It's that you did it, on your own & with no help. Yes, anyone would do the same but they don't have RD hanging round their necks dragging it's heels as well do they? That's the difference so give yourself a little credit, you deserve it. Maybe you've got used to it just having to be done by you otherwise it doesn't get done but you did it girl, even with an eviction notice that you did nothing to deserve! x

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I think that’s what makes it worse. Nothing bad that’s happened in my life has happened due to my own fault. It’s all been out of my hands and I think I suffer with anxiety so so badly because I fear everything that can happen that I cannot control due to past experiences such as mum passing, my dad walking out, the kids dad walking out, eviction notice, RD diagnosis. and I’ve come to realise its runs so deep and has affected me since being 13! So that’s 15 years of built up anxiety and never really addressing things that have happened. I think I’m gonna look into some councilling to be honest. Thanks so very much for your kinds words xxx

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Hels, I think that may be a good idea looking for counciling. As much help & advice we all may be giving you, may not be as useful as talking to someone face to face. You've been through so much, time to take some of the weight off your shoulders.

Please, be proud of what you have achieved so far, hopefully more achievements to come.

Ruth x

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Thankyou Hun and it’s took me a while to realise its what I need. You guys and your support has been phenomenal though and I can’t thank you enough 🙂 xx

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Hels and Ruthie .. Counselling a great idea .. I had counselling when I first got diagnosed with RA as I found it unbearable .. The thought that as an athlete I wouldn't run again. So many fears and anxieties even though I was a strong person. When your mobility goes and your body goes nuts you feel rock bottom. I was raging angry too as I believed and still do that a foul ex boss who had me working 10/14 hours a day and never kept her promises was the cause of my bad health and the RA came on when I was leaving her employ.

The counsellor got me to draw my ex boss's face on a plain tissue type box and then kick it about like a football in his office! 😂 Boy did I boot it hard!! We used to do all sorts of fun exercises as well as talk about how I felt. We used to exorcise people and situations by distancing them in my mind. For example, at first I said when he asked me where is the nasty boss in relation to you? .. I'd reply .. sitting in my head! Then it was more .. She's sitting on my shoulder ... sitting in my lounge. He finally knew we were making progress when I said I can see her at the end of my cul de sac and then .. I cannot see her anymore. It took a good couple of months of weekly hourly sessions but his humour and clever fun tactics made it less stressful. Can't remember who he was but he was ace.

The counselling was suggested by my Rheumy as she soon saw my state of anxiety and sadness and said I was grieving for the person I was. Although you have a very different scenario to mine I think like myself you have kept calm and patient and these type of people feel it inside with nerves and stress. They always put themselves last too and feel guilty for being unwell. I am guilty of that although these days though I tend to not give a flying you know what about a lot more then I did! Yes, ask your GP if you can see someone. xxx

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Thanks for that Hun I sometimes think I’m nuts as my thoughts are so irrational or unlikely to happen at times. I will speak to my GP. Thanks Hun xxx

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No you are not nuts .. Such a lot of cr@p has happened to you but the good thing is that you have remained lovely .. Remained you .. We can see that from how your personality is. Oh and other good .. Great reasons to be hopeful and enthusiastic and make lots of plans .. Your wonderful kids! xx

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I think they are all that have kept me going 💕

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You need to copy down the first four lines of the Serenity prayer & keep it close. In all seriousness though I'd look further into having some counselling as you feel so strongly, that's the first step recognising you may benefit from talking to someone qualified. It's fine being here & talking about stuff but it's the deeper ingrained issues that need careful handling. Still though, you should look around & be so pleased with where you are now after a horrible beginning to the year. x

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Thankyou Hun xx

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😘

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I hear you and understand entirely. I bottle up and had some horrible things the past ten years and nothing I could do to prevent them but even though you know that and shouldn't worry or reflect and get upset about things you can't/couldn't change .. You do! I'm very good .. Or bad .. At ruminating! You have done so incredibly well and hold that thought always. Huge hugs. xxxx

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Bless you hope you and kids are settled now xx

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Well done to you.hope this will be your forever happy home.I think we should all do what we can while we can as you never know when one day will be your last. Sounds morbid but we have to live and not be afraid to. You have been so brave and found your strength when you needed it.hope you don't have flare up.

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Thanks Hun. That’s what I was trying to get at but it’s not always so easy for us RD sufferers is it. Thankyou very much for your support xx

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Well done. I agree with all that has been said.

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Wow! You have had it really stressful, but some good has come out of it in a strange Way, you have moved into a bigger home ( I hope the rent isn't too much more) although you probably weren't ready yet and you have tested your body out and found that you can still do things even in the most stressful of situations. Well done for coping.

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Thankyou very much 💕💕💕

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You are awesome xx

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Aww thanks Hun xx

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Hi - so glad to see that you’ve come through it all and still have some sense of ‘you’ left too😊 this is very apt for me right now,as I’m currently going through something similar,as my landlord has decided that he wants to sell the place I’ve rented for the past 3 1/2 yrs...... absolutely gutted as it’s gotten to the point where as you say,it’s yours.... it’s been decorated,the gardens been done up and I finally felt like this was ‘my’ home after a very nasty break up last yr! My landlord is being so much nicer than yours though,so I’m very lucky in the fact that I have six months,but when you’re on benefits because you physically can’t work,and have pets,it’s very hard to get rehomed anywhere privately nowadays,even if my landlord has said he’ll give me glowing references because of how good a tennant myself and the pets have been (I was working when I originally took the house on) - I’ve never had to deal with council and housing before now,and just had a blind panic when I first got the letter through the post. I know that everyone keeps telling me that six months is a long time,but I’ve got so much paperwork to sort just before the housing meeting on 7/3 that’s reliant on health professionals(in the hope they’ll rehouse me somewhere suitable for a wheelchair and my extremely poor balance.. .... my stairs are like an assault course.... I can’t actually remember the last time I made it up or down without tripping or falling at least once.... I’ve even ended up in a&e on a trauma board at one point as I fell so badly) but hearing your story has definitely given me hope that I won’t end up flaring through the whole packing/moving stage..... the stress of the unknown was proving to be overwhelming,and for the first week I couldn’t do anything but cry at just the thought of it.

So glad that you and your family are finally settled,and I hope it hasn’t affected your health too much

Best wishes

Nicki x

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Ahh Nicki I know exactly how you are feeling. I’m glad your landlord is being decent although it doesn’t alter the fact that you have to leave your home 😔 it’s so very sad. I hope that you manage to find somewhere nice and that you get to be there for a very long time. It’s one of the toughest situations isn’t it and no wonder anxiety runs high!! Hopefully you will manage with your health as I have. I just started packing as far in advance as I could. Thinking of you Hun xxx

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Thanks - I’ve got such a small house that I don’t want to start packing just yet because I can barely move as it is - I’ll feel so much better/relaxed(fingers crossed) after I’ve met with the council in mar,until then I’m pretty much in limbo land - luckily I’ve got a fantastic support worker that just keeps telling me not to stress and that it will all get done - my biggest fear is getting housed with no garden,because as someone that can find themselves housebound for weeks at a time,just the thought of no outdoor space to feed the birds,or just potter about in for some fresh air,is absolutely terrifying - but everything happens for a reason (apparently) so I’m trying to not stress until I know what I’m actually dealing with - thanks for your support ,and I’ll let you know how I get on as and when I can - in the meantime,here’s hoping you and the kids get to spend many happy years in your new home xx

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My house was tiny too so I feel your pain!!! I was told everything happens for a reason too Hun and it is true I guess but it’s hard when you keep getting more and more heartache thrown your way. Best of luck honey and try to take care of yourself xxx

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Hi Nicki I’ve been wondering how you are getting on with finding somewhere? How’s things going? Lots of love xxx

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Hey - I’m having to go through the council route for the first time in my life(I know I’ve been extremely lucky to have not needed them before now) but it’s just such a daunting task,and ontop of that I had a disagreement with my consultant at my appointment the other week so he’s discharged me and passed me onto another hospital!! As they say,it never rains but it pours(and yes,a complaint was made as even my carer said that she’d never seen anyone treated so dismissively in all of her years.... she was speechless for the first time since I’ve known her!!) 😩 luckily I’ve got all the relevant support teams around me,and I’ve started having counselling too as I’ve just had so much happen in the past few years that I’m constantly angry and don't recognise myself anymore..... with all the stress lately it got to the point where I couldn’t talk without bawling my eyes out 😔 as for the house hunting,it’s taken a while,but I think I’ve finaly got all the required paperwork,now it’s just a case of waiting for the council to pull their finger out..,,, luckily I’ve got a support worker specifically to help with this as they’re leaving me to the last minute purely because my landlord was good enough to give me six months,so as far as the council are concerned,I currently don’t have a housing need,regardless of the fact I’ve had notice served 😩 you seriously couldn’t make it up!! I’m doing my best to keep upbeat,but when you’re at the mercy of others,and stuck in limbo land for the time being it really is hard.... the worst part was when they told me that I could be in temp accommodation for upto two yrs,which means I’d have to give up my animals,even though they are my only company for 5 days a week!! I keep getting told it’ll be ok,but until they actually let me start bidding on properties,I just can’t relax - the woman at the council even told me that I needed to use the disability card against the private letting agencies when I said they wouldn’t take me on because of the fact I’m on benefits now and have pets..... so she’s telling me I’ve got to fight dirty,and make myself ill just so it looks like I’m doing what they need me to,even though I’d never be able to afford private again(I got my current place at a reduced rate because of the condition it was in when I took it on..... obv I’ve spent a small fortune in the3 1/2 yrs so it’ll be going back in a much nicer condition) this is where the support worker comes into play as they basically make sure the council don’t just put me into a bedsit and forget about me..... I use a wheelchair quite a lot because of the fatigue,so I need somewhere big enough to store that at the very least..,, all in,just stressed constantly...... I still can’t believe you managed to sort yourself and kids out when it happened to you.... think that would’ve finished me off,as I just don’t have the mental strength anymore like I used to. I’ll keep you posted as and when things start moving,but at the minute I’m not expecting anything to happen for at least another month or two ..... just infuriating knowing I’ve paid taxes ever since leaving school in ‘89,and the only time I need them they seem to be using every excuse in the book to not help - even asking if my pensioner/disabled parents could support me instead... you can imagine the answer I gave her on that one!!

Thanks for checking in though - appreciate the thoughts,and I hope that you guys are all settled now? Xx

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Awwww lovely 😢 well I initially went down the council route but itjust wasn’t progressing quickly enough and I didn’t want to be homeless with 2 children so I had to private rent again. Turns out the council lost my application 🤬 so now I have to re submit one but as I said to them I am no longer classed as in crisis so although il get my name on the list il not be able to get anything. Being honest I’m happy where I am but as no doubt you will feel, I have great anxiety that the same will happen again and I know I can’t be that unlucky right? But with the luck I’ve had over the last few years I can’t bank on anything. So council would be ideal and at least if need be (praying it doesn’t come to that) if I need to leave here il already have my name on the list. I do hope you get something decent pronto and defo defo fight dirty Hun. Please do let me know how you get on. Lots of love xxx

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Thanks so much - luckily with the medical evidence from the consultants,doctors and the support workers that have been assigned,fingers crossed they’ll be putting me in a level access place,hopefully a bungalow,so I’ll have my own outside space(need it after being isolated for weeks at a time through being ill) plus parking because of my blue badge - I’ve been looking on the list every week and there are some lovely little bungalows that come up not far from me and they’re all under £100 a week - definitely better than me having to beg steal and borrow for the extra £200 each month I currently need! The case workers will be the ones doing my fighting for me against the council,and luckily my PA/carer is just how I used to be,and has already said that she’ll be on the phone to them morning noon and night before long just so they house me in order to get rid of her 😝 it’s great to finally feel like I’m not on my own anymore,and does take some of the pressure off. Just need to go through my PIP reassessment on wed now,and then wait for a new rheumy to be assigned to me,and that’ll be another couple of things crossed off my ever growing list. I’ll keep you posted as soon as I hear anything new xxx

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Well done sweetie. You must be very proud of yourself. I am a bit like you I will test myself to see how much I can do and I do tend over do things a little. It’s lovely to have a new and bigger house so it’s time for you to have a well earned rest. Take good care of yourself sweetie. Love and hugs 🤗🤗🌹🌹😘😘

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Thanks jan 😁 I’m trying to rest as much as I can now xxx

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👍👍🌹🌹😘😘

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What a terrible thing to happen, especially at Christmas and after all you’ve been through. But as I think someone else said, everything happens for a reason, and it sounds like you are now in a better place both domestically in terms of your home and emotionally in realising how strong you really are - such an achievement in itself.

I would certainly recommend counselling - you may be feeling strong now, but all of life’s negative events can take their toll, and nobody can be strong all of the time. Just talking to someone who is detached from your life and therefore totally objective can be a reallly enlightening experience - go for it!

Wishing you all in the best in your new home and your new-found strength! xx

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Thankyou honey I will defo look into it. I’m fed up of being strong to be honest!! Haha xxx

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We'll done one seems to find the strength from somewhere to come out the other side 😊

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I’m so glad you’re settled in. This may have been the push you needed to have another “new start”. As I read your blog I looked over at a plaque I have in my kitchen that says:

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”

Good for you and stay well!

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That is a very good quote to live by 💕

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Keep going.

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