At the worst time ever....

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago & have been teetering on the verge of a flare since, had no sleep as completely lost my sleep patterns, but am coping in a fashion despite the grief.. but, very suddenly I am suffering with my neck (previous damage & osteo in it, fused 2,3&4 vertebrae). Is it rheumatoid perhaps in my neck & also shoulders, or should I seek a separate medical opinion on it? Does anyone else on here suffer with their neck with RA? X


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21 Replies

  • I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️

  • Not an expert so I could only advise you see your doctor. However, you may be aware that grief can do strange things to you. When my mum died I suddenly developed a frozen shoulder, something I've never suffered from before or since. It was agonising and only got through the funeral and subsequent nastiness thanks to acupuncture. Yes, see your doctor but in the meantime be kind to yourself and take it as easy as you can. It's a rotten time for you and I send warm gentle hugs.


  • Thank you for your kind words xx

  • Hi juliachoo

    I am sorry to hear of your recent loss. I too lost my own mother five weeks ago.

    I have diagnosis of RA and AS and my neck is fused ( and bottom of spine) and I have to say, like you I can't sleep and I'm in a lot of pain . I accept this is a flare, triggered by the stress of my mum passing.

    I'm managing just as always, with a change in usual pain killers ( tramadol to oxycodone ) until things ease.

    If this is a completely new pain for you , I wouldn't hesitate in seeing your doctor.

    Best wishes


  • Hi Marie, so sorry for your loss too, isn't it the most horrid thing to lose your mother😰I'm really struggling, particularly as it was so traumatic as she literally had a black out & broke the ball off her hip, they operated but she just screamed & screamed after & died in agony. Her suffering haunts me. Without the RA would be very hard, with it it's terrible as your whole body hurts alongside your emotions doesn't it? I'm hoping with a holiday next month I will break this awful sleep/wake cycle, I just catnap all night don't you? Xx

  • That sounds horrendous and so traumatic. I'm so sorry to hear that your mum was in such pain.

    We knew my mum was just tired, we could literally see her just giving up. Docs told us she needed to go to hospital but it was unlikely she'd return home . She went in on the Friday afternoon. On the Saturday , she simply said she wanted to go home so we discharged her that evening. She passed away the following day.

    It was very peaceful and all my siblings (7) and the grand kids were there. However, ur will take me a long time to get over the screams of my brother and sister - horrific .

    Yes, like you i just nap. Right now I seem to sleep maybe 45 mins then up for a couple of hours and the cycle repeats throughout the night.

    I hope that you can get some, if not enjoyment , then peace whilst away in your break.

    They say tune is a great healer.

    Take care of yourself


  • You too Marie, takes time, I still cry every day xx

  • I know that feeling x

  • Yes, you just well up without warning don't you, night night & hope we both sleep tight 😴

  • "Time "- not tune! Typo, apologies

  • Just seen your message after replying to the first one. Sorry I'm seeing things in fragments on the iPhone. I think you've had a terrible time and I wonder if you are able to speak to a bereavement specialist via your GP given the traumatic issues of your Mum's passing. Hoping your holiday helps you. x

  • Hugs to you too 💕

  • So sorry for your loss.

  • I'm sorry to hear of your sad loss

  • Thinking of you- sending hugs.

  • Sorry for your loss Julia. Stress brings my flares on almost straight away. I felt everything flared and I felt like I'd been encased in cement after my Mum passed away two years ago. I was doing all the arrangements and had been visiting the care home hospice every day all day for a month so didn't have time to stop but a few weeks later I had seized totally. I don't think you always realise what toll it takes on you as you just do it as it's your Mum etc. I was overdue my infusion but hospital couldn't get me in. I think that you tense yourself in general with such grief and stress. I hope you have some help to get you through this sad and difficult time and hope you have someone you can talk to face to face too. x

  • I think I'm just numb & it doesn't seem real yet, fingers & toes as well as neck & shoulders feel like electric shocks! These things do hit really hard xx

  • I think you must be very kind to yourself and rest all you can. Such early days and raw memories. 😢 I found being outside .. Even just in the garden helped as when I went inside and sat down I felt very low. Hugs. xx

  • And to you too xxx

  • Dear Julia, I'm sorry for your loss. Gentle hugs.

    In answer to question about neck arthritis-yes. My youngest broke my neck for me(just the spinous processes on C7)& it developed osteoarthritis before RA came along and became its BFF. Go see your doc and use heat, like a heating pad or rice bag if you can.



  • Sorry to hear you lost you Mom.

    I also have neck issues so you are not alone.

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