Its nice to have people who understand. My family have no idea, they ask how i am but they don't really want to hear if I start to say how rough im feeling. Yesterday I had a horrible day. I broke down I cried like I've never cried before. I got angry at family for not supporting me when I need it the most. I got angry at ppl who sale through life hurting others but who have no worries or stress in their lives and though I say I don't believe in a god I got angry at him for having a wicked sense of humour to inflict me with this hatred disease.

8 Replies

  • I've replied on the other one...

  • Horridious disease.

  • RA sucks!!!

  • I know how you feel .I keep the anger inside which doesn't help and cry when my husband doesn't see.He's deaf in one ear x so I can sob in bed and he doesn't hear me.I get anger inside as frustrated and upset children dont help or visit much now even thou I have had a rant sisters are lovely as is my husband thou.

    Big hugs to you and hope things get better for us all

  • Omg I'm glad I'm not the only one I've been like this all weekend one minute ready to blow the next almost balling my eyes out , wife doesn't understand just says get a grip which makes it worse all I can say is this is one god dam awful condition

  • Hey, Andy- you have so many people on this site who know exactly how you feel. And a good cry or a good rant can at times be the best medicine.

    In the early days, before he understood, my hubby once said to me "I'm sick of hearing about your arthritis, it's always your arthritis", this in response to me having a bit of a grumble at the end of a long day with the kids, trying to do everything normal mums do despite being exhausted, frustrated at being a rubbish mum and in so much pain.

    Hubby is still with me 30 years on. He is my rock, i could not cope without him.

    But we had to learn how to cope with this dreadful ra together. He got frustrated and cross seeing me suffer and being unable to do anything. "But what can I do about it" he'd say. He thought my moaning was somehow directed at him, that I was expecting him to do something. I had to explain that my moaning and anger was directed at the ra and at myself and how useless I felt. I had expected him to somehow guess how I felt and simply to give me a hug. Instead it seemed he was angry with me for something beyond my control.

    I made a huge effort to moan less - or at least keep my rants to myself. When it all gets too much I ask for a hug. That is all I need. And rather than struggling with a task, getting more and more angry at my incompetence, I have learned to say "please will you help me." I have learned that he also is living with my ra, that it is hard for him too.

    He in turn has learned to ignore my grumbles and moans for what they are - my way of telling myself to "get a grip" and not directed at him. To realise that i do not choose to feel tired all the time, it isnt deliberate laziness. To offer help where he can see I need it, to be patient with me when I insist on being independent, to give me a hug when I'm miserable.

    It sure ain't easy for any of us - but when you're feeling down you can be sure of plenty of support on this site.

    Have a giant cyber-hug Andy from all of us out here. 😉

  • Unfortunately it's just like all the other diseases that no one else can see. if our arm dropped off and looked sore then people would imagine the worst pain possible. but they can't see ra..... and in most cases it IS the worst pain imaginable!!! day in amd day out 😥

    I have had to learn not to take it out on the family it's not their fault. and to be honest I probably waste more energy asking for help and explaining why I need help. so now I rest when I need to and everything else can just bloody wait!!

    They soon cook tea and wash up when they're hungry and smelly 😂🙈

  • I do agree with Kb5417 , just take a break and good rest when we are tired and in pain, other things can be put aside and we have to ignore them. If no one wants to help to get thing done, so be it and we shall take good care of our health first.

    To continue moaning and complaining will only annoy people around us. When I was very sick, I just lie down and take a good rest. I seldom complaint much but I did explain the pain and suffering I had to my daughter and the people around me. I knew no one could help me to recover, I had to go through that myself.

    My daughter went with me for all the RA appointments hence she could understand what I had gone through very well. I could easily fall over on a very flat road and I could not carry my own bag hence she would send me and carry all the things for me. She also went with me to participate in activities of our local RA support group, therefore she could hear what the rests shared hence she could understand better what I had gone through.

    I do suggest to bring your family member along with you for your RA appointment and any RA activity you may have. In that way they can understand your suffering better.

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